The Millionaire Matchmaker will not let its third season (its first in New York) go unnoticed! First they gave us the creepiest millionaire ever, who “tested” his date with scary food and kept looking at all the women with mental calculations like he was going to make a coat out of their skin. Last week we had a gay millionaire who got a drink thrown in his face (yes!), and Patti, as awful as she is, described him as a “gaygist” (a gay agist.) He may have been right about Patti’s semi-homophobic ignorance, but he was a total prick, too.

In its relentless style, The Millionaire Matchmaker has given us another person we wish would just fall out of the sky (dead) like all those birds in Louisiana. Meet Robin, owner of a beauty PR firm, and lover of all things pink and Hello Kitty. As if my groan could not be audible enough, she is also completely intolerable and shallow. She is the Millionaire Club’s first “plumpty dumpty.”

MMevildog.jpgThat makeup … that body … that laugh … that personality. This is when Patti’s hatred/skepticism of nearly everyone comes in handy in uniting her with the viewers. Patti Stanger had this to stay about Robin:

“She’s sucking wine out of a straw. Who the hell guzzles wine out of a straw?!”

wineguzzler.jpg“She looks like a box of crayons exploded all over her face.”
“Hello Kitty does not get a hard cock.”
“This guy don’t wanna ride her ride … EVER.”

And she was right, he didn’t wanna ride her ride. He did wanna spend her money, though. Even in the mini-date, this attractive “plumber,” Luke, told Robin he needed a backer for one of his numerous dumb business ideas. What a douche. So maybe they deserve each other?
glugglugmillionaire.jpgBut let’s get to the main event: this video clip. Here is Robin and Luke’s vile, NSFS (Not Safe for Soul/Stomach) date. I particularly like the subtle contrast between, “It’s a very sophisticated dinner cruise and I knew Luke would love it,” and, “Nice frickin’ boat.” And let’s never mind the dog botox. I want to talk about a certain proposition made with a mouthful of food, and a certain trying-too-hard-to-be-seductive-and-serious lean forward. AUGHHH!

So, did she or didn’t she? My first inclination is no, because they would have shown more and it would have come up in front of Patti. But something about the way he leaned back … UGH! I don’t want to think about it! I have already watched it more times than anyone should have to. NO. NO. NO. Maserati, Ducati, NO.

So here’s to Robin and Luke, who get my first official cookie toss of 2011.

And NO.

(Image courtesy of Bravo)

Carla Patton

Writer, BuddyTV

Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 RockThe Amazing RaceProject RunwayModern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSIThe BachelorToddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested DevelopmentVeronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).