We’re down to our final six ladies in season 19 of The Bachelor, and I’m sure many of you are thinking, wait, didn’t we just do this? Didn’t I just spend three hours of my coveted weekend watching this man we call Soules look for love? And you wouldn’t be wrong.
If it seems like we’ve done this all before, it’s because this is night two of the five-hour Bachelor extravaganza, which I think even the biggest fans will agree is just too much Bachelor in a 26-hour span. But it wouldn’t be an extravaganza without a bit of excess, so march on we shall, ever closer to possibly putting a ring on one of the 60 fingers remaining in the competition.
The Bachelor Recap: Chris Tells All and a Trip to Iowa >>>
Becca Gets the Quickest Date Ever
Things are tricky in Des Moines for Chris after the drama of the group date, but he’s going to push the possibility of Britt leaving aside to enjoy his one-on-one with Becca. We didn’t get to see her receive a date card, leading me to believe she wasn’t getting any love, but naturally, virgin #2 will get her time in the spotlight.
They head to the loft where he’s staying for a casual date, and as they sit on the couch and chat, she hopes for an opportunity to get vulnerable. Becca’s never been in love, even though her on-and-off relationship with her ex lasted about four years. She loved him as a person, but never saw him as a husband or father.
If Chris proposed today, she wouldn’t say yes, but she digs him and wants him to meet her family. They retire to the roof to watch the Iowan sunset, and damn, it’s so gorgeous that I believe it might actually have swayed Britt’s feelings about Arlington. It also inspires kisses, and just like that, the date is over — six minutes into the episode.
The Britt Fallout
Back at the hotel, Britt has packed her stuff and announces she’s going to leave before the rose ceremony, just to maintain some semblance of control. She tears up, whining about how Chris gave the rose to Kaitlyn after she poured her heart out about wanting to be his wife. And she does this in front of Kaitlyn.
The other girls think she’s being petty, and Carly straight-up calls bullsh*t and says she doesn’t believe Britt is actually quitting. Britt says nothing will change her mind, and there’s only a 1% chance she’d stay. But it’s clear she wants Chris to fight for her.
Things are tense leading up to the rose ceremony, and Britt hopes for some closure before she likely doesn’t get a rose. But Chris Harrison lets them know there will be no cocktail party, and we’re jumping right into the ceremony, which will deny Britt the opportunity to be the dumper before she becomes the dumpee.
An Abrupt About-Face
As they march out to learn their fates, Britt is upset that the dynamic has shifted, taking the power out of her hands. And my fiance is upset that Britt is wearing pink lipstick with a red dress.
Britt interrupts Chris’ speech, much to the ire of the other ladies, and Carly drops several of her classic “Ughs.” Britt apologizes for being inappropriate the other night, while Kaitlyn muses that she might actually be able to convince him to let her stay.
“So … is there anything that you want to say to me?” Britt asks, giving him the opportunity to beg her to stay. Instead, he calls her out about what the other girls said, and though he stops short of calling her a liar, he definitely implies it. She immediately pins it all on Carly, and while Chris does a better job than he did with Ashley in not revealing the source, his refusal to answer is the same as a confirmation. He then offers to walk Britt out. Ouch.
She walks out of the mansion and breaks down, her wails carrying throughout the house. She sits on the curb and sobs, glancing back every so often in the hopes that Chris might rush out and tell her she’s the one and wondering why her trusted friend Carly would say such awful things about her. Carly grins devilishly and gloats a bit too much for my liking, though I get where she’s coming from.
And once again, the recipient of the first impression rose is sent home, in part because of insecurities regarding the Bachelor/ette’s feelings for other women/men. Are we sure this show isn’t scripted? Still, what a dramatic fall from grace for the season’s clear favorite.
Four Roses to Give Out
With Britt out of the mix, we’ve got five girls but only four roses, and Kaitlyn is already safe. They go to:
That means it’s the end of the line for Carly, which was predictable after she tattled on Britt. She did the right thing, but like I always say, the one who airs out the dirty laundry never wins. Damn friend zone.
Chris escorts her out while Jade cries, but we don’t get to hear anything they say to each other before she hops in the limo. Carly says her heart is completely broken, and she does the classic “I’m alone again, what else is new? What’s wrong with me?” shtick. I hate the “woe is me” routine, but it’s a Bachelor staple.
The Bachelor Family Blogs: All Eyes on Kelsey >>>
Let’s Go Home
The hometowns are immensely important to Chris because family is number one in his book, so it’s off to Shreveport, Louisiana, home of Alcide and his werewolf pack, to meet Becca’s family. They take a little canoe ride and spy some gators, and she reveals that this is the first time she has ever brought a guy home. No pressure.
Becca has a huge family, and it doesn’t take long for Chris to feel at home. But they all agree that it feels really weird because they’ve never even seen Becca dance with a boy. Her sister Katie pulls Chris aside and tells him that Becca is not an intimate person, isn’t publicly affectionate and and has never felt the need to be close to a man. She is surprised that Becca even let Chris touch her knee, and the red flags are flying in the Bayou State.
Chris’ next audition is with Becca’s mom, who was apprehensive over her daughter’s decision to partake in reality show love. She reiterates that Becca doesn’t show affection, and she doesn’t know what this adventure means for her innocent little girl. She doesn’t smile once through the entire conversation, and she urges Chris not to break Becca’s heart.
Meanwhile, Katie is peppering Becca with questions about whether Chris is aware of her pending virginity, which is a conversation she is apparently saving for the fantasy suite. Still, she affirms that her family loves Chris, and it’s tough for her to say goodbye, which she does with her mouth.
But Chris has a surprise, and she’s actually going with him. They hit up the Louisiana State Fair to share a ride on the Ferris wheel, thought they don’t admire the view from the top much because their eyes are closed the entire time. C’mon, quit kissing and check out how awesome the parking lot looks from up there!
Making Babies in Chi-Town
Next up is Chicago for a tour of Whitney’s life, and it’s time for some baby-making shenanigans. But not the fun kind, more like the solo way. They change into some scrubs, which makes Chris insecure, and then he watches a tech insert a single sperm into the egg. Chris delightfully asks if they grab the sperm by the tail, and so they’re off to show him where the magic happens.
In the specimen room, he finds a slew of dirty magazines, a TV and a cup. They want a sample to test, and he assures us his soldiers are marching. But it’s all a big joke because Whitney would never put him in that kind of situation. Now, what would really be hilarious is if he flipped through a Playboy and just happened to see Jade inside. Possibly the greatest moment in show history.
Whitney and Chris put normal-people clothes back on and head off to meet what’s left of the family, because if you recall, Whitney has no parents. He asks who he needs to get permission from in lieu of mom and dad, and she says her sister Kimberly is the one responsible for final approval. In addition to Kim and her hubby, we’ve got an aunt, an uncle and a grandma, and they enjoy a nice family dinner.
Chris gets grilled first by Uncle Johnny, who praises Whitney for her combination of strength and vulnerability. Whitney spends most of her time trying to convince Kim the skeptic that this is real and her feelings are true, and she begs her sister not to ruin this for her by denying Chris her blessing. But it doesn’t look like one is coming with four girls left, unless Chris can guarantee Whitney’s the one, which I don’t believe he is contractually allowed to do.
Chris is true to his word and asks Kim for permission, and she responds in kind by saying she can’t give said blessing as long as Whitney is one of four. Call me when you’re down to one, she says. Whitney senses the tension after their conversation, and she’s upset to learn that Kim told Chris no. She hopes it won’t change the way that he feels, but she still hopes to spend the rest of their lives together and wants to be open with him.
Years ago, she bought an expensive bottle of wine in Napa that was way out of her price range, which she swore she would share with the man she was going to marry. And she wants to drink together because she’s fallen in love. They cheers and kiss, and he thinks it’s swell that she loves him.
From Canada with Love … From Phoenix
Things haven’t really been going that smoothly with these hometown dates, and knowing that Jade is about to drop her own bombshell, this Kaitlyn trip might be the only chance he has at a complete success. So it’s off to Phoenix, Arizona, where her family spends summers, to meet the spunky Canadian’s family. She’s excited to be in control of the date, which starts off in a dirty back alley full of dumpsters.
The first stop is a recording studio to write a rap song about their relationship. It’s all about zombies, Kimmels and white water rafting, and it’s less of a rap and more of a poem worthy of Chris and Desiree’s next book. But Chris is really, really bad at rapping. Like epic fail bad. I’m not even sure he can read, and it would appear that everyone named Chris is bad at rhyming things.
Then it’s off to the house, where both parents, their current spouses and a sister are waiting. The relatives jump for joy when the couple arrives, and the family cheers to them and their happiness. Who would have thought that such an unconventional dynamic would end up being the most normal and most welcoming?
Bachelor Contestant Kelsey Poe Heads to Paris to Become a Writer >>>
Kaitlyn’s mom is very protective, especially after her daughter’s last heartbreak, but she’s also excited at the prospects of where this could all go. With the necessary move to Iowa, Kaitlyn knows she needs to be in love, and mom can see a special light in her eyes. But she’s afraid that Kaitlyn can’t open up and worries she’s just waiting for the other shoe to drop so she can protect herself. But Kaitlyn is willing to go all in and not hold back.
There are no conversations between Chris and the family, and they end their night with Kaitlyn’s Chris-esque surprise. She leads him to an electronic “Kaitlyn Hearts Chris” billboard, and while I didn’t like it at all when he did the plane banner for Andi, I love this move for her. She is letting her guard down and opening up, saying “I love you” without real words.
The Dark, Naked Cloud
ABC is saving the best for last, and how Chris will react to Jade’s naked picture spread remains to be seen. He heads to Gering, Nebraska, which is her slightly-bigger-than-Arlington small-town hometown even though she resides in Los Angeles. She’s rocking the yoga pants, which some would apparently like to outlaw. But not me. No, sir, not me.
They go right to the parents’ house, where they are greeted by her dad, his fiance, her two brothers and her mom. They recount their dates, and Chris surprises her with a letter jacket from his alma mater.
He sits down with her father first, and Jade is desperately hoping that her family doesn’t spill the beans before she gets a chance. But without giving away too much, they hint at her wild child days. Dad says she was “too much” for a lot of her boyfriends, while brother Zach doesn’t see her as being ready to settle down yet. It doesn’t help that Chris praises her values like 12 times, and then he starts to wonder if there’s a side of Jade he hasn’t seen.
Jade’s dad tells her he wants someone who will love her without putting her down for who she is, but he trusts her to make the best decisions for herself and her heart.
Jade’s Nude Skeleton
Jade and Chris head to their hotel for the big reveal, and she is fearful of being rejected because she is falling in love. But she needs to get the weight of a dozen shirts off her chest, so she tells him that when she first got to LA, she was in a “liberated” state of mind where she decided to say yes to everything she’d normally say no to.
She is worried it will change his opinion of her, but she knows it’s a conversation they need to have so he doesn’t find out another way. She was approached to be in Playboy, and she accepted. Then, in a bizarre move, she offers to show Chris some of the photos.
She says she’s been judged on it a lot, especially in relationships, but c’mon, it’s 2015. He knows how to use Google. If he wants to find them, he can. She acts like this is a shame on her past, but she’s definitely proud of them and wants someone to celebrate that. If you haven’t seen them, she looks really good, but Chris is clearly uncomfortable. He already feels inappropriate, and then she starts playing the video associated with the photo shoot.
He is shocked because he thought she was so innocent, and he can’t help blushing, but he judges her for the person she is and why she’s here, not because of her past. He offers her the same reassurances that she gave him about Arlington, and I still love them together.
He tells her not to be ashamed and that everyone has things in their past that they might not be proud of (even though she’s obviously proud of it), and she feels unbelievably relieved. But how it plays into Chris’ decision-making remains to be seen. He says he wanted her to come out of her shell, and now he saw her completely out of her shell. It would create challenges, he says, especially in conservative Iowa, but if she’s his soulmate, he’ll stand behind her no matter what happens.
Four Becomes Three
It’s time to eliminate one more girl and figure out who is going to the fantasy suites, and I can see Jade and Whitney fitting nicely into his life in Iowa. But I have concerns about Kaitlyn and Becca, even though I like both.
Whitney could definitely be a housewife, and Jade would probably open up a coffee shop or something in one of those run-down, old buildings. But Kaitlyn strikes me as needing a bit more excitement, and Becca reminds me of kids I went to high school with who spent all their free time in Christian youth groups. Not judging, but not my cup of tea.
Chris has a very tough decision to make, and though he’s unsure, he has to go with his gut. He has three roses to give out, and they go to:
Wow, I did not see that coming. Ugh. Big mistake. Why, Chris, whyyyyyyy??? Even my fiance loves Jade! I no longer care about this season.
Chris walks Jade out, apologizes and tells her she’s an amazing person. He says the only reason she’s leaving is because things have moved faster with other women and that her confession had nothing to do with it.
She doesn’t know what to say, so she walks silently to the limo, hugs Chris goodbye, closes the door and unsuccessfully fights to hold back tears. She feels like she did everything she could and opened up at the best pace possible for her, and yes, her heart is broken.
A tearful Chris is second-guessing himself, wondering if he just made the biggest mistake of his life.
Onward and Downward
Chris and his final three will now head to Bali for overnight dates and the revelation that Becca is a virgin. It really is bombshell after bombshell with these women, and he can’t get through one episode without a woman opening up to him about something. At least they try to cheer me up during the credits, with Whitney’s dog humping the crap out of the toy.
Were you shocked that Chris sent Jade home, especially after all the reassurances he offered her? Do you think posing in Playboy is a fatal flaw for love, or is Chris just too conservative to deal with it? Also, do you think she would have been able to manage in Arlington? Would any of them be able to manage in Arlington?
Who are you rooting for as we get down to the nitty-gritty? There’s only three episodes left until Chris makes his final decision, and I just don’t know if marriage is in the cards for whoever he chooses. Do you? Either way, I pick Jade for Bachelorette!
You can watch The Bachelor every Monday night at 8pm on ABC.
(Image courtesy of ABC)