So Brandon “I’m a good guy” Hantz is upset that Mikayla said she didn’t like him. He thinks it was classless, but he doesn’t care what people think about him! You hear that, everyone, he doesn’t care! That’s why he’s crying.

So, here’s why Stacey is my favorite: the first chance she gets at Redemption Island, she sells Upolu out to Savaii. She also calls Coach Benjamin because that’s his birth name and she’s not buying into anyone’s BS.

“Boop! That’s me,” Stacey declares. YES! Stacey better stay in this. For the duel, Stacey and Christine must drop balls in a winding machine and catch them before they drop. Stacey places hers back in the machine right away, while Christine takes her time. Regrettably, Stacey is the first to drop a ball.

Albert said a few things like, “sour grapes,” and “so stupid,” so we are learning a lot about him. He’s pissed off that Stacey told them all about Benjamin.

“Coach is gonna be pissed when he founds out about this!” Albert says, forever the faithful servant. Are you hearing yourself right now, Albert? He’s gotten by so far just for being boring but the Dawn of Albert is upon us.

Albert tells Upolu about Stacey’s “rampage,” which ruin’s Coach’s day. Not even his parents call him Benjamin, by golly!

Elyse and Ozzy are bonding and everything is like, totally awesome! Or so Elyse thinks! She’s annoying, and Cochran is over it. Dawn and Whitney return to Savaii with the news of Upolu’s alliances. Ozzy mentions that if Coach is smart, he’ll get rid of Albert next. Jim hears this and he’s not an idiot, so he realizes that this could be Ozzy’s strategy, too. He’s going to use this to instill the fear of Ozzy in Keith, and vote Elyse out. Cochran hath planted a seed, and that seed did blossom.

Somehow, Albert finds a clue to the location of the individual immunity idol. So Albert, after looking fruitlessly in tree after tree, tells Sophie and Coach the information he found. He thinks this will work for him. But come on, Albert, are you hearing yourself? Coach took that information, prayed to the gods of Survivor, and finds the idol. At least he showed it to Albert and Sophie. What about Edna, guys? Haha, just kidding.

Ozzy takes Cochran out on the boat to catch fish. Cochran hopes to at least get a bonding experience out of it, since Ozzy is one with the wild and Cochran is one with the textbook. Ozzy says he really feels like Savaii is becoming “his tribe.” Cochran notes that even though Ozzy gets a few fish each day, he is kind of “a lazy ass.” We are loving New Cochran.

For the immunity challenge (and a food reward), the tribes must rip meat off of a roasted pig with their mouths and spit it into a basket. It’s incredibly primitive and, for lack of a better word, gross. Keith had a piece stuck in his teeth, and Dawn pulled it out for him. Way to go, Dawn! Brandon seems a little too into it, and Albert almost knocks the whole basket over like a fool.

“This is a disgusting challenge,” Jeff says matter-of-factly, probably wondering who came up with this idea. Jeff weighs Savaii’s meat basket, and Rick comments,

“That’s a lotta meat, folks.” I love Rick! Upolu beats Savaii by two ounces, winning immunity, the reward, and all the meat they spit out of their mouths! They’re going to need that immunity …

Brandon washes the meat and cooks it with their reward vegetables. Coach declares Upolu back in the driver’s seat, “I mean we own it now!” Way to own that driver’s seat, Coach.

Back at Savaii, Cochran mentions that they will probably all have oral herpes after that challenge. This did not endear him to the girls, and as he was chopping away at a coconut, Elyse said noted that he’s “trying so hard,” sympathetically. They confidently agree that it’s Cochran, but Dawn and Jim aren’t buying it. They want Elyse out, and see Keith as the lynch pin in the alliance.

Jim plans to use his “piece of fear” to sway Keith over to the dark side. But Jim forgot that Keith might be as dumb as a box of rocks.

“But, why would we not tell Ozzy? Doesn’t that mean he wouldn’t trust us anymore?” He’s playing this game very passively.

“I don’t think Ozzy’s gonna like it if we vote [Elyse] off,” Whitney says. “I wish we could just let those three vote for Elyse, them two vote for Cochran, and us just vote for … someone else.” Why not, Whitney? This is going to be an interesting vote.

At tribal council, Ozzy mentions that it’s about keeping the tribe as strong as possible, and Elyse affirms that you need someone with strength, skills, and “social graces.” It also turns out that Dawn broke a tooth, and Cochran didn’t cut himself up enough to be considered a true contributor to the challenge. It sort of seemed like Dawn was turning against Cochran at tribal council. It would be trouble for the secret three if the vote for Elyse doesn’t turn out.

“Sorry Elyse,” Jim tells the camera, “but this is more about keeping Ozzy weak.” God he is so awesome.  The vote goes down, and it’s tied two votes Elyse, two votes Cochran, and two votes Dawn (! big move!). Whitney and Keith did it! In the end, Elyse is voted out with three votes. Well played, Savaii! In her exit interview, Elyse says there can never be trust again because she was betrayed by so many people (so many people she was planning on betraying).

Next week, a hurt and whining Ozzy declares himself a free agent! Sorry about your girlfriend, Ozzy!

(images courtesy of CBS)

Carla Patton

Writer, BuddyTV

Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 RockThe Amazing RaceProject RunwayModern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSIThe BachelorToddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested DevelopmentVeronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).