THENSupernatural reached new heights of awesomeness with angels, Azazel’s master plan to bring Lucifer to Earth, Sam drinking demon blood, suicidal teddy bears, an epic Winchester fight, Chuck the Prophet, betrayal by the angels and, in the end, Lilith and Ruby got real dead, which wasn’t so good since it led to Lucifer rising.

NOW: After another amazing montage of what happened last season (Supernatural, hands down, has the best season opening montages ever), we pick up right where we left off, with Sam and Dean in a church as Lucifer rises.  They try to escape, but the doors lock them inside with the light.

'Supernatural' Recap: Let the Armageddon Begin

Lucifer is coming like Old Faithful, if the geyser were made of white light and a piercing siren noise.  It gets louder and louder until the screen goes to white and then black and then…

We see the Devil talking to Sam.  Ok, not really, it’s just a cartoon devil talking to Yosemite Sam.  Apparently Warner Brothers cartoons are the in-flight entertainment, because we’re on a plane, and so are Sam and Dean.  Hold on, a bright light, then two people are magically transported onto a plane?  When did Supernatural become Lost?

The Winchesters have no idea what the frak is happening, but they do notice that they’re flying over the giant pillar of light that is Lucifer.  Once the plane lands, the Winchesters are desperate to put all the pieces together (foreshadowing pun intended), so they visit the friendly prophet Chuck.

Chuck’s house is a war zone because the archangels came and smote the crap out of Castiel.  Not only is our favorite holy tax accountant dead, but little bits of his blown up corpse are all over the house.  Chuck has no answers, but someone does, and his name is Zachariah.

That’s right, the world’s douchiest angel is there to try and recruit Dean back to the team.  Yes, he may have let the apocalypse come, but now that it’s here, he wants to let bygones be bygones and get back to the mission of Dean killing Lucifer.  Dean ain’t having none of that, so he uses Cas’ magic symbol to make the angels leave. 

This has been a hard day.  Lucifer is risen, Cas is dead, and Sam and Dean are tired, so they get a motel room and Sam tries to apologize for being such an idiot last season.  Dean was never one for words, so he would prefer if Sam would just shut his cakehole.

WARNING: What follows may be unsuitable for young children, old children, or really anyone.

We see a girl typing away at her computer about how Sam is gently caressing Dean’s clavicle, wanting to give in to their forbidden desires.  Yes, that’s right, we’re watching a girl write Wincest slash fan fiction.  It’s both the grossest and most hilarious thing ever.

The girl is Becky, and she’s super stoked to get a call from Carver Edlund himself.  She’s a little too obsessed with Supernatural, and when Chuck asks her to deliver a message to the boys from him, she practically climaxes at the thought of Sam and Dean being real.

Becky heads straight over to their motel to give them the message and to fondle Sam’s chest.  She’s there to say the Michael Sword is on Earth because the angels lost it, and that it’s in a castle on top of 42 dogs.  Only she says it while touching Sam’s chest, which is very distracting.

The brothers finally decide they need help, so they call up Uncle Bobby who drives down for some handy exposition.  Michael was the angel who first booted Lucifer to Hell using his sword, so it’s time to find it and use it.  Sam is in a confessing mood this episode so he tells Bobby about how he turned to the dark side, killed Lilith, and accidentally let this whole apocalypse thing happen.

Bobby is furious and he tells Sam that, if they get out of this, he never wants to see him again.  Anyone out there who thinks this doesn’t sound like Bobby at all, raise your hand.  If you didn’t raise your hand, you’re clearly not a Supernatural fan.

Sam goes off to study on his own and Dean suddenly remembers that John Winchester had a room at Castle Storage on 42 Rover Hill.  A castle on top of 42 dogs.  Even in death, John Winchester keeps being totally awesome, because he had the fabled Michael Sword all along.

And that’s all “Uncle Bobby” wanted, because he knocks out Dean and his eyes go black.  Well duh, I hope all of you saw that coming.  Bobby is possessed by a demon, and he’s being used by an old friend: Meg.  Well, it’s the demon formerly known as Meg inhabiting a new body.

As you might expect, all the demons are stoked about Lucifer rising, so Meg wants to get Dean out of the way so they can all enjoy their Hell on Earth.  She wants Bobby to do the dirty work, but Bobby overpowers the demon inside him and, instead, stabs himself.  Now that’s more like our Bobby.

Sam returns and there’s a very shaky fight that ends with Dean stabbing one demon and coming after Meg, but she gets out of there before he can kill her.  I just finished rewatching season 1, so I have to say, I prefer original Meg.

The boys take Bobby to the hospital, then it’s off to Castle Storage where they find Zachariah is already there.  It turns out the Michael Sword really is there, because Dean IS the Michael Sword.

Well, it’s really just a metaphor, because what he means is that Dean is the intended vessel for Michael to use when he returns and wages his war against Lucifer.  Dean doesn’t exactly enjoy the notion of being a meatsuit (or an “angel condom,” as he so eloquently puts it).

But Zachariah doesn’t care, so he plays some fun and games like breaking Sam’s leg, threatening to paralyze Bobby, giving Dean stomach cancer and then taking away Sam’s lungs.  Wow, angels can do a lot.  Dean still refuses, and just when all hope is lost, a flash of light appears and it’s…CAS!

Yes, just like all the Winchesters, Cas comes back from the dead and starts killing angels left and right.  Apparently he grew some big brass balls in the after-afterlife.  He then gives Zachariah a message, that something (or someone) brought him back to life and teleported the Winchesters onto that plane, and it wasn’t an angel.

Zachariah is thinking what I’m thinking: this is the work of God!  Clearly God has a soft spot in his heart for Dean, so Zachariah gets the heck out of there.  The boys are happy to see Cas alive and well, but he warns them that Lucifer has almost found his ultimate vessel.

Indeed, all episode long we saw a guy named Nick being haunted by visions of ghosts and a crying baby and a crib filled with blood.  Then his dead wife appears and tells him that she’s Lucifer.  It turns out Nick’s family, including his baby, was brutally murdered, so Lucifer, posing as his dead wife’s ghost, uses that silver tongue to convince him that God wasn’t on his side, and Nick needs to let Lucifer use his body to make things right (ie, to kill God).

I guess you really can catch more flies with honey than vinegar, because while Zachariah failed to get Dean to consent to angelic possession with threats of violence, Lucifer gets the greenlight with a few words and just like that, we have ourselves a Lucifer!

Finally, Sam and Dean go back to the hospital to check up on Bobby, who’s doing just fine.  Dean vows to kill them all and, I guess, let God sort them out.  He wants to be a one man army killing Lucifer, Michael and any other angel or demon who gets in his way.

Sam is on board, wanting to find the Colt again to use against Lucifer, but Dean says no.  It turns out his big speech was just for Bobby, and Dean is scared out of his mind.  And after all this, Dean still can’t forgive Sam for what he did, walking out the door and choosing Ruby over his own brother.

I guess time doesn’t heal all wounds, because the episode ends with Dean walking away from his brother.  It’s sad and painful, but part of me respects the fact that the writers aren’t just washing away all the emotions of last season.  On the other hand, Dean is just as much to blame, because if he’d been as strong as John and not agreed to torture people in Hell, then we wouldn’t be in this mess, because Sam may have broken the final seal, but let’s not forget Dean broke the first one.

Next week: It’s a hunter reunion as the Harvelles and Rufus show up for the end of days.  That should be fun.

John Kubicek

Senior Writer, BuddyTV

John watches nearly every show on TV, but he specializes in sci-fi/fantasy like The Vampire DiariesSupernatural and True Blood. However, he can also be found writing about everything from Survivor and Glee to One Tree Hill and Smallville.