Christmas comes early for Supernatural fans as the show offers its final episode of 2007. Thankfully, unlike some other shows, this won’t be the end, because Supernatural still has three more episodes to come in January before running out due to the writers’ strike. So grab a cup of egg nog and your favorite Burl Ives CD, and let’s have “A Very Supernatural Christmas.”
A man dressed as Santa Claus rings a bell and a little kid comes to the stairs to witness the magic. There’s a clattering on the roof, and the kid thinks it’s the reindeer. When Santa goes to inspect the fireplace, something pulls him up and we hear crunching noises, then the Santa hat falls down, covered in blood.
Our favorite Winchester brothers are investing a Michigan family as the FBI. They find a tooth in the chimney and need to find out what dragged the man up it. Dean (Jensen Ackles) thinks it’s a serial killing chimney sweep, which causes Sam (Jared Padalecki) to think of Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins. Dean, dumb as always, has no idea what that is. Sam thinks they’re dealing with Santa’s Evil Brother, aka the Anti Claus. Dean doesn’t believe it, and it stirs up bad memories that Dean was the one who first told Sam there was no Santa Claus.
The brothers head to a Santa’s Village the missing fathers visited before being sucked up the chimney without care. Dean fondly remembers their childhood Christmases with some tasty Boston Market (man, I do love that food). We flash back to Nebraska in 1991. Aww, adorable young Winchester boys! They’re all alone, and Young Dean is trying his best to protect Young Sam from the truth about their dad and the demon hunting business. Young Sam brings up their mom, and Young Dean gets very angry and storms out.
In the present, the Winchesters spy a lecherous Santa, and Dean offers Sam up to go sit on his lap. Sam says they only came to watch, and the girl elf is rightfully disgusted. Lore says Anti Claus smells of sweets and walks with a limp, and Nasty Santa fits that description. That night they stake him out, and Dean questions why Sam hates Christmas. They hear a woman scream and storm in, guns blazing, only to find Nasty Santa is watching a XXX-Mas video. The Winchesters try to play it off as if they’re carolers, and the boys are a lot of things, but good singers is not one of them.
In another house, a little boy comes downstairs to see Anti Claus come down the chimney, bypass the kid, and go straight for the parents’ room. The mother screams and Anti Claus comes back downstairs with the father in his sack. The kid stares, scared, as Anti Claus kills his father, then grabs a Christmas cookie and eats it. That is so sick and twisted, yet kind of hilarious.
The boys talk to the mother as the FBI, and Sam asks about a wreath above the fireplace. Dean mocks Sam for asking this, but Sam says that the same wreath was in the other house. They call up Bobby who says it’s not the Anti Claus, and the wreaths have a special Pagan plant. Sam correctly informs Dean that Christmas was not when Jesus Christ was born, but it’s based on the Pagan Winter Solstice which Christians co-opted, which bums Dean out. They head to the wreath store, and the shop owner says some town lady named Madge gave him the special expensive wreaths for free.
Dean tries to get his baby brother in the spirit by reminiscing about a beer can wreath their dad brought home. Sam wonders why Dean is walking down memory lane, and it’s because this is Dean’s last Christmas on account of that deal with the Crossroads Demon. Sam understands, and that’s why he can’t bring himself to be happy, because he loves his brother. Back in 1991, Young Dean comes home with dinner, and Young Sam pulls out a book and asks point blank if monsters are real. Young Dean tells him the truth about their dad and the demons. It’s too much for Young Sam, who now fears for his family’s lives, so he cries himself to sleep.
In the present, the Winchesters visit Madge, who is played by Merrilyn Gann, aka Rose Abbott from Everwood. Fantastic casting. She’s wonderfully perky and old-fashioned. Her chipper husband comes downstairs to offer the boys some peanut brittle. That night, Sam confirms the happy couple are actual evil Pagan Gods. They sneak into the house and go past the holiday cheer to a scary, dark gore room. While investigating, Madge shows up and chokes the crap out of Sam, and Mr. Madge knocks out Dean before he can help. Sam flashes the light over the couple’s faces ti see some scary dead faces, then Madge knocks him out.
When the boys wake up, they’re tied to a chair. The happy couple of Pagan Gods are all smiles about how these boys are hunters. The Pagan God Couple are so darn hilarious, speaking like a throwback to the nuclear ’50s family. Before eating the Winchesters, they need to perform some rituals by cutting the boys and pouring their blood into some bowls and pulling off Sam’s fingernail with a pair of pliers. EWWWW! Madge is upset by Dean’s swearing, and she prefers to use the word “Fudge.” This causes Dean to give the episode’s best line: “If you fudging touch me, I’ll fudging kill you!” The couple also need a tooth, which they almost take out of Dean before the doorbell rings. It’s a neighbor who they dispatch with before going back to see the Winchesters have escaped.
The Pagan Gods find them and start beating the tar out of the boys before Sam gets the upper hand and they stab the old folks to death, quite gruesomely. Standing over the bloodied corpses of two Pagan Gods, Dean tells his brother, “Merry Christmas.”
Back in 1991, Young Dean wakes up Young Sam to say their dad came and brought plenty of presents under the tree. The presents are a Sapphire Barbie and a glittery baton, and some things never change, because Young Sam is still smarter than Young Dean, knowing that the presents aren’t from dad. Young Sam hands Young Dean a present meant for their father, but he now wants his older brother to have it. It’s a homemade necklace.
In the present, Dean comes back to see Sam has decorated the room and made some egg nog to get into the Christmas spirit. Dean bought Sam some skin mags and shaving cream. Sam got Dean some motor oil and beef jerky. All from the gas station down the street. Emotion almost overwhelms Sam, but he covers it by asking his brother if he wants to watch a football game on TV. Aww, you big lunk, just say “I love you.”
-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of CW)