So America’s Got Talent is back in Seattle. I’m not sure why this episode wasn’t combined with the other Seattle episode, but I think we’re just supposed to accept that (and the fact that the next episode will be in Atlanta again). Up first we have a guy who wants to break a record and do something the judges will never forget. They see a lot of auditions, though.

The awesome thing is that this guy blows up hot water bottles until they explode. That’s what he holds the record for. And really, who knew that hot water bottles could get so big? It didn’t explode, disappointingly, and it upset Piers.

Things didn’t get much better from there, with Buffo who “does comedy” and wears his hair like Guy Fieri. Kimo Presents Madonna was really my kind of act — I thought it was great from what we saw! But the judges weren’t feeling “20 years in 20 seconds.” ROBO, the robot comedian was also my cup of tea, but not the judges’. They didn’t even find much they could make fun of him for. I will say this, though, I liked the montage interspersed with clips of that guy blowing up the hot water bottle backstage. And I liked it when the robot fell down.

With another montage, we got to see the glut of bad auditions Seattle had to offer. Why does the Pacific Northwest always do so poorly on talent competition shows? And why is it so full of weirdos like Alaska? To Alaska’s credit, I love the song choice of “What a Feeling” from Flashdance. The dance was all but flashy, though. It’s really starting to piss me off the way Howie makes fun of these people.

Uh-oh, another comedian who might only be funny unintentionally. At least Geechy Guy holds a world record. Hey, what do you know, he’s funny! Three cheers for Geechy Guy.

The a men’s choir gave an enlightened performance of “Baby (One More Time)” and everyone liked Soleil’s pole dancing. Seth Grabel did a pretty great magic trick where he did some Prestige-like stuff. It involved a little person, so Howie liked it.

A chihuahua walked around on a pool table putting balls in the pocket. You know who loved it? Piers!

The BGP is a band, and I sort of wish they’d bring back the dog acts. They’re great, though. Too bad Haley Reinhart owns this song now! See you later, BGP, but hopefully not for too long. I want more magic and dogs and exploding hot water bottles! I’m not sure how much of a ploy it was to release the children onto the stage, either. I’ve become so cynical.

After the obligatory Seattle fish-catching, it’s time for another child act. Future Funk inspired millions, I guess. It doesn’t matter what they do at this point, it’s going to be so cute and charming that they’re definitely going through. The Art of Teknique is actually quite good, especially for kids. I approve of them moving through to Las Vegas.

Denver realtor, Marylee writes and performs her own music for dead people. She wrote a song for Piers, and had this completely hilarious “in memoriam”-style montage. The singing/performance was just alright, but pairing it with that montage was funny. She did not make it, and then Nick Cannon came out with a candle.

That pretty much sums it up. About four acts went through? Why did we go back to Seattle?

(Images courtesy of NBC)

Carla Patton

Writer, BuddyTV

Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 RockThe Amazing RaceProject RunwayModern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSIThe BachelorToddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested DevelopmentVeronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).