This week, we discovered that Kim is on a combination of strong medications that make her appear drunk, tired, and nuts. Adrienne’s husband, Paul, suggested Kim consult her psychiatrist or physician to re-evaluate this combination of meds. I say don’t see a physician. I’ve got all the meds the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills need right here at the BuddyTV Pharmacy.
JEALOUSEC
This clinical strength jealousy inhibitor makes your social interactions less strained. Instead of coveting your neighbor’s possessions, Jealousec enables you to feel good about the millions in assets you already have. Everyone will be jealous of YOU with Jealousec.
Side effects may include: dizziness, nausea, word vomit, and shameless bragging.
BOREDOMAX
Gets you out of any boring situation through incessant talking. This inhibitions limiter takes any party to the next level. You’ll never go bored again!
Side effects may include: verbal diarrhea, acting out situations that never happened, headaches. Do not take while pregnant, nursing, or if your psychic has suggested you may become pregnant.
POINTICIL
Get the energy you need to point to your heart’s desire! Nothing emphasizes a statement like pointing while you say it. Don’t reach for the stars, POINT at them, with Pointicil.
If your pointing lasts for more than four hours, consult a doctor.
MINIMASE
It’s not that big a deal, is it? Minimase allows you to make the least out of any important situation. See grander situations for their petty details. Sweat the small stuff, with Minimase*
*Best when used with Maximase.
Side effects include: blurred vision, weight gain, and loss of friends.
MAXIMASE
No, it’s a really big deal. Make a big deal out of everything that matters even remotely to you! Maximase helps you “go there” when you need to, and sometimes when you don’t.
Side effects include: paranoia, leaking details to the press, speaking loudly, and watery eyes. Do not consume Maximase while smoking an electronic cigarette.
SECRETANE
This topical treatment keeps your skin looking young, and your secrets deep, deep, deep within your pores. Those secrets will never get out. Never.
Side effects may include: redness, tight lips, and deadness of the soul. Discontinue use if you develop a rash or experience a burning sensation similar to eternal hellfire.
(images courtesy of Bravo)
Writer, BuddyTV
Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 Rock, The Amazing Race, Project Runway, Modern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSI, The Bachelor, Toddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested Development, Veronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).
