Previously on Rock of Love 2: Bret Michaels gave Kristy Joe the choice to either stay or go. She left, so by default, Megan got to stay.
Big John and Bret let the girls know that it’s time for the annual arrival of the exes. Destiney’s ex-husband Adam arrives in a stupid beret and some white pull-over sweater thing. He looks like a cross between a preppie and a gangsta wannabe. Jessica’s ex-boyfriend, Casey, is rocking the casual look. She claims he treated her like crap. Megan’s sort of ex-boyfriend, Josh, actually had another girlfriend the whole time Megan tried to get with him. Apparently Bret couldn’t convince Ambre’s exes to show up, so she gets her best friend Adam. Daisy is not happy with her ex, Charles. He’s sporting a wife beater and looks like Tommy Lee on steroids.
To make things fair, Bret has also invited one of his exes, and he introduces Heather Chadwell from the first season of Rock of Love. Oh hells yeah! The show reminds us how wild she was, getting a tattoo of Bret’s name on the back of her neck and drinking all the other bitches under the table. Bret goes out for some beers with the guys while Heather stays in for some reckless alcoholism with the girls.
Heather immediately gets the women to take their tops off and start doing body shots off each other. They get in bikinis and go out to the pool where Megan and Jessica tell her that Destiney is just a rock star groupie, and Heather learns that Megan was on Beauty and the Geek.
Next they start a game of Truth or Dare. Heather asks Jessica if she’s ever let a guy “BLEEP you in the BLEEP.” Yikes, it’s not hard to fill in those blanks. Then she dares Destiney to do a naked cartwheel. Later, Megan throws Jessica under the bus for being too innocent, and Jessica returns the favor saying Megan just wants to be on TV.
Daisy starts freaking the hell out and she confesses to Heather that she’s still living with her ex-boyfriend in a one-bedroom apartment. Wow, thus far, by default, Ambre is the only one without any skeletons, unless you count the fact that she used to date guys smart enough not to agree to come on this show. Jessica, in an attempt to prove she’s not that innocent, gets uber-drunk to the point of vomiting. The girls try to get her up to bed, and Jessica is literally hanging onto the other women for dear life.
Bret takes the boys to a cigar club and engages in the most awkward small talk ever. He acknowledges that dudes don’t sit around talking about their feelings, so this is a terrible idea. Josh tells him that Megan did another reality TV show, which is news to Bret. Next he takes them to Dave and Busters for some food and games. Ambre’s Adam brings up a good point that this whole “dating on a reality TV show” thing is ridiculous. I can’t tell if Ambre’s stock is rising in this episode, or if everyone else’s is just falling. Maybe both.
Bret takes Charles aside and tries to get the truth, but Charles sidesteps any real conversations. I’m getting the feeling that he’s still in love with Daisy and either hopes they’ll get back together, or they secretly are still a couple just using this show to promote their band.
Finally Bret returns to the mansion and wants to see his ladies. He finds Jessica, who jumps all over him and starts slurring and professing her love, saying how much she needs him. It’s classic drunk girl, and it’s hilarious. Megan talks to her ex Josh, who’s wearing a shirt that says “Swig Chicago,” the name of his bar. He confesses the only reason he agreed to come on this show was to promote his bar. Genius! Megan starts crying because she’s angry at him for this, which makes Ambre realize Megan is not over her ex. Ambre tells this to Bret, and he’s so surprised that this information “kicked me in the nards.” Bret immediately talks to Megan, who denies it, using her sexuality to distract him.
Bret and Heather meet up for a debriefing. Jessica is too young, in age and soul. Megan is an opportunist (and even Bret can’t tell if going from Beauty and the Geek to Rock of Love is moving up or down on the fame ladder). On the plus side, she has a great rack. Heather kind of likes Ambre and she thinks Destiney is just a rock star groupie. Heather’s biggest problem is with Daisy because of the living situation, which is news to Bret.
Rock of Love 2 Elimination Time! Ambre gets the first pass for being awesome. Destiney gets the second pass in spite of being a groupie. Daisy gets the third pass, so long as there’s no more lies. In an ominous confessional, she says there’s still more stuff she needs to tell Bret. Despite still reeking of puke, Jessica gets the last pass because she’s there for the right reasons.
Bret cuts Megan, and the whole tie she just stands there with a blank expression, shaking her head. It looks like she’s trying to make herself cry, but she’s just not that good of an actress. It’s painfully long and awkward, which makes it hilarious.
Next week on Rock of Love 2: The final four girls (and Heather!) head to Las Vegas. Daisy and Destiney get into a huge, glass-throwing fight. Heather wears a tank top that says “Let Me Save You the Trouble: NO.” It makes me love her even more.
-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of VH1)