On this episode of Riverdale, titled “Chapter Twenty-Nine: Primary Colors,” Veronica decides to run for student council present but underestimates her opposition, Jughead stages a protest to save Southside High, Archie’s mother returns to town and Betty confronts Chic.
Oh, the hits keep coming for Betty Cooper. It’s true that Chic Cooper doesn’t have any Blossom DNA, but that’s because Hal isn’t his father. This explains Hal’s hostility from the jump, and it also further complicates the Cooper family tree. Alice won’t give Betty or Chic the real daddy’s name, so whatever went down between Alice and the mystery man must not have ended well. Alice can’t wait to snuggle Chic who gives Betty a disturbing “Good luck getting me out of here now” look.
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Crime and Punishment
Hermione is in full-on campaign mode. In an interview with the paper that she now owns, she explains that Riverdale is dying, and the private for-profit prison will revitalize the town’s economy. As for closing down Southside High for their pet project, the Lodges plan to funnel a quarter of their earnings into education, so, bygones. This means a brand new wing at Riverdale High.
In an odd cameo, Andy Cohen appears as himself. He’s left the Bravo clubhouse and arrived in Riverdale to endorse his good pal, Hermione. (Andy needs to stick what he does best — wrangling Real Housewives’ cast members because acting is not his jam.)
Things aren’t great at home between Archie and Fred, since Archie has apparently fully embraced the Lodges’ plans. (I’m still reserving judgement that he’s got some kind of master plan that has yet to be revealed.) Fred isn’t about to support a prison that he thinks will “rip the soul from the town,” particularly in the Southside. Fred’s severing all ties with Hiram and Hermione, Lodge Industries and SoDale.
Her family’s actions haven’t made Ronnie popular either at Southside. Ethel pulls a total Glee and throws a milkshake (Okay, not entirely Glee) in Veronica’s face during lunch. Veronica isn’t surprised since Ethel’s family lost everything thanks to Hiram who still hasn’t bothered to make amends. Hermione warned her daughter to keep her head low, so Ronnie isn’t about to bring a bunch of drama over some strawberry shake in her raven locks. Maintaining a positive attitude proves to be more difficult than Veronica anticipated when she’s goaded by Reggie who happens to be running for student council president. Ronnie winds up punching Reggie in his smug face. So much for keeping a low profile.
Veronica’s parents aren’t pleased and warn their daughter that she needs to be a good little girl and keep her head buried in the sand. Ronnie’s response is to announce to her pals that she plans to run for student council president against Reggie. Ronnie refuses to allow herself to be a victim. Jughead figures this is just another part of the Lodges’ insidious plans. First they take over Riverdale, and then Veronica becomes Queen Bee of Riverdale High. But Vee’s plans for domination include Betty who Ronnie asks to be her running mate.
The Call is Coming from Inside the House
Toni becomes the newest member of the Vixens, and to celebrate, Cheryl invites her inner circle to a sleepover at Thistlehouse. But Cheryl, as always, has ulterior motives. She’s currently residing in a house of horror where her mother and long-lost uncle are plotting against Cheryl and her Nana Rose. There’s safety in numbers.
Cheryl admits to Betty, Veronica, Toni and Josie that she’s terrified to be at Thistlehouse alone. Cheryl’s going a bit crazy waiting for Claudius and Penelope to strike. Mommy has a green thumb and cultivates some questionable herbs, and Cheryl fears being poisoned.
Betty can relate. She reveals she’s got a stranger lurking around her house as well who also doesn’t seem to have good intentions, Chic.
Later, Cheryl almost gets to share an intimate moment with Toni, but their girl-on-girl action is interrupted by a loud crash. The girls discover Nana Rose at the bottom of the staircase. She survives the fall, but Cheryl notices how cozy Claudius and Penelope look together and is certain they pushed her grandmother down the stairs and she’s next.
Hell No, Jughead Won’t Go
A less interesting development in Riverdale is that Jughead is on a hunger strike. This may work to protest Colonialism, but I can’t think of a least effective way to make a statement in this particular circumstance. But for some odd reason, the news of Jughead’s one-man political crusade has reached Hiram and is causing him some concern. Hiram wants Archie to send Jughead a message: He’s moved up the timeline and plans to demolish Southside High by the end of the week.
Jughead is upset, but Jughead’s always upset. Archie tries to cushion the blow by reminding Jughead how Fred was shot at Pop’s because of Riverdale’s decline. Archie thinks if Hiram’s plans mean a safer Riverdale, he’s all for it. Archie doesn’t fully understand Jughead’s attachment to Southside High since he only attended the school for four days. Jughead explains that he was raised on the Southside, and it’s the last tangible piece he’s got left of his mother, sister and childhood.
It’s going to take some expert wheeling and dealing for Fred to extricate himself from doing business with the Lodges, so he calls in Mary Andrews (Molly Ringwald) to help.
Mary isn’t happy to see Archie and Fred fighting. She also voices to her son her concerns about his romance with Veronica. She’s concerned her son is being led astray by his first love. Archie thinks Veronica is simple AHHH-mazing, but Mary reminds Archie that Fred’s pretty cool too.
Veronica apparently plans to campaign on her good looks, sex appeal and baked goods. She’s handing out cupcakes and kisses to secure votes — no tongue. Veronica also attempts to make amends with Ethel by promising there’s a job offer forthcoming for her dad. She also bribes Josie with an appearance on Watch What Happens Live in exchange for a celebrity endorsement.
Jughead gathers together some of his fellow serpents in an attempt to get them riled up about the upcoming demolition of Southside High. None of them feel any particular sentimental attachment to the school until Jughead gives a Braveheart-like speech about their old stomping grounds. Jughead inspires his cohorts to chain themselves to Southside High.
Word makes it to Hiram who calls on Archie to handle the situation. A sum total of eight Serpents are all that stands in the way between a bulldozer and the high school, but Jughead is confident he’s in a great position to start negotitations with Hiram.
In the Heat of the Night
Betty arrives at home to find Kevin and Chic hanging out. Kevin sold Betty out, spilling his guts to Chic about the whole catfishing scheme. Betty kicks Kevin out, so she can have a word with her brother. Betty’s done playing nice and warns Chic not to mess with her friends. She knows there’s something Chic wants, some kind of void he’s trying to fill. Chic brings up their same shared darkness, and Betty admits she was wrong about them being alike. Chic doesn’t know anything about Betty’s dark side, but she promises he’s going to find out.
Just in case Chic doubts Betty’s capabilities, she pays him a visit in the middle of the night. She makes it known that she’s in the business of catching bad men: Clifford Blossom, the Sugar Man and the Black Hood. The one thing they all have in common? They’re dead. So, Chic can officially consider himself warned.
Ronnie may think she’s winning hearts, minds and votes, but she overestimates her charm. During a little campaign rally that, of course, has to include a musical number with Ronnie and Josie, Ethel hands out some very informative flyers about Veronica (Cruel Intentions, anyone?) Her attempts to bribe Ethel and Josie blow up in her face (Josie fed Ethel a list of all of Ronnie’s half-truths and dirty deeds.)
Betty’s upset that Veronica acted like she didn’t know about Southside High closing. Veronica defends her actions, stating she couldn’t say no to her parents, but Betty disagrees. Vee could have told her parents that she didn’t want to be an accomplice. At the very least, she could have told her friends the truth. Vee swears she’s only been working with her parents to keep them honest, but her credibility is shot. And Betty no longer wants to be on the Lodge-Cooper ticket.
All of this mess is exactly why Hermione urged her daughter to lay low and questions why Veronica had to run for student council president. Veronica thought it was a way to get people to look at her as someone other than the daughter of criminals. Ronnie feels they’re fighting a war, and she needs a shield because everyone is out for their blood.
Who’s Scared Now?
Chic runs and tattles to Alice about Betty’s behavior. Alice and Chic also did some snooping in Betty’s room and found her black wig. Chic also narcs out his sis for banging Jughead. This revelation disturbs Alice greatly which is pretty funny given she just had a dead body in her living room a few days ago. She’s hardly in a position to take the moral high road.
F.P. comes to Jughead with an offer from Hiram. Mr. Lodge is planning to build some fancy penthouses in Riverdale, and he willing to give one to the Jones’. The whole family could reunite under one roof. But the prospect of a room with a view of a prison doesn’t appeal to Jughead, and he doesn’t like the idea that his little sister’s best hopes would be to either get out of Riverdale or work in a prison. Jughead has F.P.’s full support who hung up on Hiram’s bribing ass anyway.
A family dinner at the Andrews’ home goes south after Archie praises Hiram’s visions for Riverdale and calls out his dad for being scared. Mary’s had enough of Archie’s ungrateful attiude. Fred has worked to support his family, built a business from nothing and has his own visions for Riverdale that don’t include turning the town into a penal colony. Archie can side with Hiram over his father, even though Hiram’s a crook who has no intention of letting Fred out of their contract, but Mary will be damned if she’s going to sit by and let Archie disrespect his father. Archie is totally being a pussy-whipped, ass kisser, so you go, Mary, tell him what is what.
Alice decides to discuss the birds and the bees with Betty who promises her mother she’s practicing safe sex. Alice admits she’s no stranger to the allure of the Jones’ men. Yes, Alice banged F.P. and, no, he’s not Chic’s father. Alice also knows that Chic is damaged. It turns out she’s not blind to the fact that her firstborn is a bit of a creeper. But Chic hasn’t had anyone to love him. Betty doesn’t want her mother to forget that Chic is dangerous. We still don’t know for sure what happened that fateful night with Shady Guy although Alice claims Chic was trying to protect her.
But Chic has a different story. Betty comes to him to call a truce, but Chic thinks it’s an act. Betty swears that if she really wanted to take him down, she’d simply go to the police station and tell them he killed a man in their kitchen. That’s when Chic drops the bombshell that he never touched the body, or dumped his body, or his car or went through his phone. Chic suggests that maybe he should be the one going to the police to discuss Betty’s actions. Chic’s got the goods on Betty, and he swears she’s the scary one. When will we find out what really happened that night? Who killed Shady Guy? Was it Alice or Chic or both?
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Just Because You’re Paranoid…
Cheryl sits vigil by her grandmother’s hospital bed and gets some distressing news from the doctor. The toxicology report showed tannis root in Nana Rose’s bloodstream. The herb acts as a paralytic. Penelope and Claudius claim they caught Nana gnawing on it on occassion, making the old woman sound like a demented rabbit let loose in the garden. But because of Nana Rose’s dementia, the doctor buys the story.
Cheryl confronts her mother about trying to kill Nana Rose. Penelope says its Cheryl who has gone mad, but she’s got a plan to make her daughter all better.
Hiram calls on Archie to go after Jughead. Archie doesn’t want to take down his bestie, but he swore a blood oath to Hiram, and if he breaks it, there will be consequences. Archie agrees, but he wants something in return — for Hiram to release Fred from their contract.
Archie arrives at Southside High along with members of the wrestling team. They use bolt cutters to end the protest, but this war is far from over. There’s a crowd of people using their phones to record the whole thing, so it’s only a matter of time before Riverdale goes viral.
Jughead may have lost the battle, but he’s got a new battle plan. He wants to run for student body president with Betty by his side. Nothing makes enemies out of friends quicker than politics. Betty also decides to move in with Jughead. She can’t stay in the same house as Chic anymore.
Mary and Fred have big news for Archie. Mary’s going to stick around and help Fred since he plans to run for mayor.
And Cheryl’s no longer a Vixen, she’s gone all Girl, Interrupted at the local looney bin.
Will Toni help Cheryl? Who is Chic’s real dad? Can Fred defeat Hermione? Will Archie ever come around? Let us know what you think in the comments section below.
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