Rumors have been swirling for about a week now that Kasey Kahl and Vienna Girardi had broken up, but I didn’t post anything about those rumors at the time. No, not because I was consumed by an overwhelming sense of “who cares.” Because I didn’t want to feed into the anti-love machine of LIES and HEARSAY that would dare question the longevity and validity of a love so pure and true and real.
But it turns out that even the machine gets it right sometimes. Yes, Kasey and Vienna, King and Queen of the Monsters on Bachelor Pad 2, have ended their relationship. Now I know why I was suddenly woken, terrified and out of breath, from a peaceful slumber approximately five weeks ago. At the time, I thought it was just gas, but no. That was the exact moment that Love died:
“Yes vienna and I have split. It’s been 5 weeks now. I can’t fake it anymore. I will always love, be there for her, and wish her the best,” Kasey confirmed on his Twitter account last night.
Vienna also confirmed the news, saying, “@KaseyRKahl will always be my best friend, but yes we have split. No idea what the future holds for us but we will always remain friends.”
Well, first of all, let’s get it out, together: Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!
And, second: All this talk of love and best friends and a misty, unknowable future. Such grace, such diplomacy. (That doesn’t sound like Kasey and Vienna that I know. Are we sure their Twitters haven’t been hacked?) Could they be saying they’ll get back together?! No, let’s not get our hopes up. We’re in a really fragile place right now.
But let’s also not dwell in the negative, you guys. Let’s celebrate all the good times! “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened, on a reality show, as part of an orchestrated double-grab for cash and publicity.” Right, that’s how the saying goes? Great.
So here are my ten favorite romantic Kasey and Vienna memories from Bachelor Pad. First, right-click-open-new-tab-press-play this link. Then read:
10. When Vienna told Kasey that he talks too much and she “needs a muzzle” for him. Then she tried to comfort him by saying that if they didn’t win, it would be his fault.
9. When Vienna got turned on by the way that she and Kasey ganged up on Jake Pavelka, said “I’m going to have your babies” and then we had to watch them in bed together through a ceiling night-vision camera.
8. When Kasey got hit with the Ugly Egg during the egg-throwing challenge, and justified his self-esteem this way: “I’ve got the hottest girl in the house as my girlfriend, I’m obviously not unattractive!”
7. When Kasey and Vienna laughed in Jake Pavelka’s face about how he wanted to donate his Bachelor Pad winnings to charity (to their credit, he WAS full of it), and then Kasey held out his rose tattoo and said, “That means one thing. It’s guard and protect time. Are you ready?”
6. When Kasey witnessed Vienna being nice to Jake, so he yelled “You want another public breakup on TV?!” and she threw a pillow at him and screamed, “Stop being such a dick!”
5. When Chris Harrison asked Kasey what Vienna’s best quality was, and he said “her teeth.”
4. Their six-month anniversary, when Kasey presented Vienna with a box and said, “My love for you is infinity,” and she replied, “I don’t want it to be an engagement ring!” But then he sang her an improv pop ballad anyway that ended with the lines, “So when you’re feeling blue, Just know that I love you.”
3. When Vienna blamed Kasey for dropping her in “the hookup challenge,” when it was really all gravity’s fault, and then called him an “a**hole” for arguing with her when she was the one who picked the completely petty fight in the first place.
2. When Kasey told Vienna, “I get that you’re in the house with your ex-fiance, and that he physically and mentally abused you. That was a year ago. Get over it.”
1. When Vienna withheld sex, so Kasey took his promise ring back and then accused her of sleeping around with other Bachelor guys, and then they went to bed together anyway and all of this aired on national television but neither of them cared.
Such a great couple. RIP, Kasey & Vienna, 2011-2011.
(Image courtesy of ABC)