The last time we saw our Atlanta Housewives, Kim and Kandi were embarking on their bus tour and Peter and Cynthia weren’t getting along. Also, NeNe did her first television interview.

Now we’re back on the bus with Kim acting like a diva, asking to stop for a cigarette, then trying to light said cigarette off of a hot, non-stick pan. Sweetie and Kim are getting on Kandi’s nerves. It must be the B12 talking. The Housewives have all been planning to meet up for a girls’ weekend in Florida.

NeNe is ready to present her interview with Jermaine Dupri on 11 Alive, and Sweetie and Kim pull it up online. NeNe mentions Kim in the interview, talking about “Tardy for the Party” and it offends Kim on a very deep level. Maybe she’s not as self-aware as I was hoping she was becoming. So Kim is furious, and ready to call NeNe and confront her (and “ask her if she thinks 32 is just too old to have a hit song.”)

Cynthia and Sheree come over to Phaedra’s to see Ayden and drink lemonade, since they couldn’t attend the Sip ‘n See. Ayden spit up on Cynthia (“and he’s not even a throw-up baby!” says Phaedra.) Must just be one of those things.

In Georgia, at “The GA Pig” barbecue pit, Kim is appalled. By everything. She doesn’t eat meat, and just doesn’t approve of the Pig’s ambiance in general. So Kim drinks her lunch. Look at Derek J in those short shorts and camouflage stiletto booties! The gloves are coming off!

Cynthia and Peter are having problems, mostly financial in nature. Their restaurant, Uptown, is in the hole, and Cynthia is forging ahead with the million dollar wedding. As Cynthia returns from her dress fitting, Peter reveals that he has officially closed Uptown. He didn’t consult Cynthia on this, even though she wanted to sell the restaurant, and she put a lot of money into Uptown. It doesn’t look like they can continue to support this lavish Real Housewives lifestyle! At least they’re being honest about it. I like Cynthia. Peter wants to cut some major funding on the wedding, but they’re not really in the position to make changes, or to pull $20,000 out of their ass.  They discuss calling the wedding off, and the fight gets worse and worse. Where’s that guy who wrote that book?! Peter concludes the argument by telling Cynthia he’s never telling her anything ever again. Then he tells her not to cry, when she is already crying. Not so helpful.

Back on the bus, Kim is bossing everyone around, especially Sweetie. Kim gets a phone call from her daughters but it doesn’t soften her much. Kim will be Kim, and she’s going to sleep in a perfectly coiffed wig! Later on, Kim protests to a meet and greet at a hair salon, then insists she’s not being a diva. It’s pretty clear we’re going to be on NeNe’s side for the blowout, no matter how quickly she flies off the handle.

Kim gets upset (I guess) because Derek J told Sweetie she’s been hanging around with white people too much. Or something like that. Something about shoes. It doesn’t take much to irritate a Housewife.

Cynthia, NeNe, and Malorie, Cynthia’s sister, meet for lunch. Cynthia tells NeNe what the situation is and NeNe sees some red flags in the relationship. Not saying NeNe is really the best person for a bride-to-be to talk to right now, but Malorie thinks they should postpone the wedding, too. NeNe pushes for Cynthia to call it off. I’m kind of inclined to agree, but we only know what RHOA shows us. Cynthia isn’t happy but she’s hopeful, and she’s not going to postpone the wedding.

Phaedra and Apollo face the struggles of being new parents, and Phaedra struggles largely with trusting Apollo. Apollo’s ready to take care of Ayden, if only he had breasts… Just in case, Phaedra calls in her mother for backup while she goes to Miami.

Kim and Kandi arrive in Orlando, and NeNe is meeting them at the hotel. Kim is ready to confront NeNe, and just when their friendship was going so well. Kim lazily talks to Kroy, who she is “really falling for,” on the phone as she orders Sweetie to open the door for Derek J. Then she stomps around the hotel room in one shoe before showing NeNe some outfits. In NeNe’s words, “Lord have mercy, Kim thinks she’s a real pop star. Okay.”

NeNe and Kim are enjoying a nice rapport, calling each other “bitch,” and telling each other they need to go to rehab. NeNe tries to give Kim some last minute advice on the bus before she performs in a strip mall.

Kim’s up there, taking herself really seriously, singing along to a track of her own doctored voice, missing a lot of notes. NeNe is skeptical, but supportive, surprised the crowd didn’t boo Kim. Then Kandi comes in to do it like a professional. Is it just me or is Kandi’s music just a little … 90’s R&B?

After the show, on the bus, NeNe was acting a little boozy and Kim’s getting touchy. It’s a cocktail mixer for disaster. The next morning, NeNe comes back on the bus and they all have a little laugh at Kim’s expense. I mean, come on, Kim’s being ridiculous. The tension on that bus is THICK.

While making plans for the bachelorette weekend in Miami, Kim mentions that Don Juan and Sweetie will need rooms, too. NeNe corrects her, saying that Don Juan and Sweetie are not coming. Then the bitch switch flipped. Kim argues that she and Kandi need their assistants because they are “working.” NeNe tells Kim that what she’s doing is not work. WUH OH!

NeNe has officially flown off the handle and, building on some slight racial tension, calls Sweetie Kim’s slave. AHH! You can’t say that! There was no place more awkward to be than that tour bus. Kim falls back on a Real Housewives favorite: “she’s just jealous.”  Shots for everyone!

Preparing the final nail on the coffin of Kim and NeNe’s friendship, Kim brings up the 11 Alive interview. The argument basically went,
“I’m a real singer!”
“I don’t care! I have a show!”
“No you don’t, you’re jealous!”
“No I’m not! Bitch!”

And that was the end of that, or was it just the beginning? Not a great start to the weekend!


(images courtesy of Bravo)

Carla Patton

Writer, BuddyTV

Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 RockThe Amazing RaceProject RunwayModern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSIThe BachelorToddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested DevelopmentVeronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).