It’s time for another installment of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, so turn off your sense of shame.
It’s been four years since Robert Kardashian has died, so the family gathers at his favorite Armenian restaurant to remember him. Aw, this should be a sweet episode with absolutely no insane, immoral antics, right? Khloe Kardashian is hit the hardest, and we get shots of her looking sad intercut with old sepia-toned home movies. Later Khloe is at her boutique having a traditional celebrity meltdown, minus the celebrity. She’s throwing clothes, cursing, and in need of a Xanax. Upon leaving, she gives my new favorite exit line: “Bye, bitches.”
This episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians comes with a warning: it includes recreations of actual events. Based on what happens, I assume that covers nearly every single scene.
Khloe goes out to a club to get hammered,and after her bipolar insanity, Khloe decides to drive home. She, of course, gets pulled over immediately by the cops and is given a.field sobriety test, which she promptly fails (somehow I doubt that’s the first test she failed, and that list includes algebra, STD and home pregnancy tests). She calls up sister Kourtney Kardashian to come get her the next day. Khloe warns not to tell anyone in her family, so Kourtney calls up Kim Kardashian for no reason other than to gossip.
Kris Kardashian and daughter Kim go out for lunch the next day, and the mom suspects something is up. Kim starts to laugh, then tells her mom Khloe’s in jail. Ha! Kris is freaking out, and she calls up Robert Shapiro to get that top lawyer on the situation. Kris is angry that she wasn’t informed. Kim is blamed, but Kim asks why her mom isn’t blaming “her alcoholic daughters.”
Khloe gets picked up by her mom, and they have a fight about whether to tell Bruce. Khloe correctly pulls the “Kim has done soooo much worse” card. They get home and play the blame game, with Khloe being angry at Kim for telling the family. The priorities of this family are seriously messed up if being a tattle tale is worse than being a drunk driver.
Khloe goes to tell step dad Bruce Jenner about the DUI. He’s more upset that it took this long for him to find out. Khloe tries to say she wasn’t that drunk, which isn’t much of an excuse. He asks what her father would think, and it’s hilarious how often they bring that up. The episode in which Khloe gets a DUI is called “Remembering Dad.” I’m sure Robert Kardashian is looking down (or up) at his daughters, thankful he got out there when he did.
Kris and Khloe have a kitchen heart-to-heart, in which she does some terrible mothering by allowing her father’s death to serve as an excuse for Khloe’s DUI. At the boutique, Khloe apologizes to her sisters by giving them necklaces with a music note, that was a favorite symbol of their father. Then we see more home movies, and during one of the three sisters naked in the tub together, Bruce says that not much has changed. Hilarious! He snarks on Kim’s sex tape, so I don’t have to. Then the episode ends, and I’m in awe just how little content they manage to stretch into a half hour show.
Still to come this season on Keeping up with the Kardashians: bare breasts, a homeless makeover, a wedding, the FBI, and Ryan Seacrest asking Kim about all the celebrities she’s rumored to be sleeping wit. That’s a lot of disjointed insanity.
-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of E!)