Morocco, music videos, awkward lunch and brunch dates, it has all come down to this. It’s the Real Housewives of New York City Season 4 finale! The episode opens with LuAnn listening to her latest masterpiece, “Chic C’est La Vie.” Enter Natalie Cole. How did they pull that off? Natalie Cole confesses to having heard “Money Can’t Buy You Class,” then agrees to go to LuAnn’s anniversary party with Jacques, AND SING. Natalie! On one condition: that she sing together with The Countess!

Simon and Alex meet Ramona and Mario for … cocktails? wine? conversation? Whatever it is. In a moment of foreshadowing, Ramona admits to wishing they’d had a second child (instead of a dog). Interesting that this subject should get wedged into their conversation. Sonja Morgan steps in with Hot Brian, revealing that this is a dinner party.

Alex is doing an editorial for a magazine called “The Block,” and it will be hip, edgy, and on the cutting edge of fashion. Oh my god, I hope it’s as good as her first shoot. Oh Alex, so cold. Simon comes in to pick Alex up and they haven’t even started shooting. But he’ll stay to give feedback.

Predictably, Alex does a laughable modeling job, and doesn’t listen very well to the feedback she’s given from the ACTUAL photographer. This whole shoot is just focacta.

Remember how Sonja and Cindy weren’t going to hang out ever again? Well they’re hanging out again. They keep trying, and they keep confronting each other with every single thing they don’t like about each other. They’re talking about the breakfast again. Why, God, why? Sonja was offended because A) not even the Churchills would say that to her and B) she cooked with her own personal hands. Cindy thought Sonja could learn something from her conference call. Why are they having an argument in a flower shop?

Ramona is feeling “a lack of energy, I don’t know what’s going on.” HINT! “I can’t drink pinot,” Ramona says, shattering the universe. Ramona tells Sonja that she might be pregnant, and her breasts are huge. Sonja manages to make it about herself. Oh, and apparently dogs know when there’s a baby. They’ll sniff for it in your uterus.

LuAnn’s anniversary party begins, and Alex the Model shows up reluctantly. She believes in love, not LuAnn. Jill is hoping it’s an engagement party because if it’s not, she doesn’t get it. Alex and Simon take to their phones/Twitter. Such charm.

Sonja and Ramona both wore their full on leopard print dresses, which makes two too many leopard print dresses at the party. Ramona chooses to tell Mario that she might be pregnant at the party on the boat. Mario seems excited about it, which is actually quite endearing.

“My period is always on time, like clockwork. And look at these boobies,” Ramona tells Mario. People are going to know something’s up right away, though, because Ramona isn’t whole without a glass of pinot in her hand.

“It’s not possible,” Mario tells himself/everyone. I agree. Like a couple jerks, Sonja and Ramona go to the boat bathroom together to take the pregnancy test. This couldn’t have happened at any other time. They emerge, acting just as annoying as ever.

It’s time for Jill to say what everyone is thinking: if you’re not getting your period at that age, it’s probably menopause, not a baby. The brunettes agree that there’s no way this could happen.

Natalie Cole comes out to steal Ramona’s thunder at LuAnn’s party. Not to be outdone, Sonja mentions that she is friends with Natalie Cole. Natalie Cole and LuAnn sing together like old pals. One of them was better than the other.

Holy crap, Simon’s face. No one was having a worse time. Ramona excuses herself to the bathroom, and Sonja dashed after her with her boobs nearly falling out (again).

In the wrap-ups, we learn that Jill “has changed,” Alex is speaking up more (and Simon recorded a single), Sonja is still in legal/financial trouble, Cindy’s doing fine because she’s the normal one, Kelly managed to stay out of the drama, but still wore a bra with a backless dress, LuAnn has been forever changed by love, and … Ramona’s not pregnant.

Clunk. So that was the finale, but next week is the reunion when the claws come back out (along with a backup set).

(images courtesy of Bravo)

Carla Patton

Writer, BuddyTV

Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 RockThe Amazing RaceProject RunwayModern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSIThe BachelorToddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested DevelopmentVeronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).