By Emily E. Steck

Snow is a blessed thing … except for when it brings mass destruction, car accidents, and whatever. Oh, and complications in elopements, denial, separations, and any other crazy trips Bluebell brings.

The Mysterious Case of the Disappearing Mr. Hart

It’s been what? 15 or so episodes, and I still hate the credits. I hope that one day, these will change into the most cliched heart or something. And also: didn’t know it snowed in Alabama. I hope that doesn’t offend anyone, but I’ve never been. I’ve heard it’s really pretty though, and I apologize for my ignorance. You can blame it on my Yankee heritage.

By the way, how much did those previews the CW has been showing all week not give away? Seriously, they do nothing to bring me in. And this was an awesome episode. Zoe is adamant that her famous surgeon father must get his birthday present (macaroons!) in Germany. Poor Zoe has a case of denial, so strong she can’t even deny it. But that fact makes my theory of Zoe’s medicinal expertise stronger for the case behind it.

Zoe is desperately trying to get in touch with her fake dad. It turns out that dude’s been back in New York and ran into her mom. Didn’t have the courtesy to tell his fake daughter that Mr. Hart! I have to say: I am intrigued to meet him.

But it looks like her relationship with Brick is becoming better; she saves him with stitches and some confusion to arrive for Lemon’s elopement. She has some kind of male figure in her life. Also, anyone noting the lack of medicine? Anyone noting how I ain’t complaining?

Facebook Breaks Up Another Marriage

Lavon’s parents are awesome, according to Wade. My expectations are high, since Wade is basically my eyes, ears and actions in dear Old Bluebell (seriously; Wade does everything that I would do except for this one thing I’ll get to in a moment…). By the way, compliments to the casting directors and producers: perfect casting for Lavon’s parents. And all these two are perfect casting, are they perfect together? After nearly 40 years of marriage, the two are separating. Lavon is blindsided, Didi relieved the pressure’s off her, and Wade heartbroken.

Brainstorming session! Wade will try and serenade the couple with a song. Problem is: he only knows Tom Petty. Bigger problem: why would the awesome Wade only know Tom Petty? Shaking my head over here. But Didi suggests something she saw on Dr. Phil (can’t be good; waiting for the time bomb): a stroll down on memory lane.

Cue the failed, disastrous attempt that saves the art department from bad photoshop! On shows like these, they should just hire some Tumblr bloggers; they can photoshop like no one’s business. Anyway, it is now revealed that … Carolyn is in love with another man? Sort of?

Apparently, she met her high school sweetheart Darryl on Facebook and she reconnected with him out of loneliness. Did you know that this is like a real thing? Reconnecting with past loves on Facebook does break up a lot of marriages. There are all these statistics and such out there; it absolutely fascinates me. It puts Zuckerberg in another new light since The Social Network (I’m kidding y’all; don’t attack).

But Wade comes to the rescue, recreating Bora Bora or Fiji or all these other places that make me feel dumb. Luckily, Wade sings! Oh, Em, GeorgeTucker, Wade sings; there’s a record of it. It unites his surrogate parents back together.

But it makes Lavon evaluate that he shouldn’t be with Didi. My poor Didi! She was so lovable, exciting, and happy! The anti-Lemon, I tell you. But for some reason, these Southern men like sour Lemon.

Elope or Engagement: That is the Question

George and Lemon are about to elope, going out of their way to drive in through the winter storm that plagues Bluebell to South Carolina. By the way, does this show’s location want to make you look at a map? I feel like I need a refresher in geography every time this show talks about anything (I’m from the Northeast; does anyone else feel my pain?).

Ugh, the return of Lemon’s sister Magnolia. I much prefer Rose for the adolescent presence on this show. And now for daddy dearest: Brick agrees to the wedding. Over my dead body would that happen–wait, dude’s a dad. No dad ever wants to pay money for a wedding. I pity my dad with his three daughters all the time.

The car breaks down (right in front of some house, amirite?) but luckily Lavon gives them a start. He makes no bid to fight for Lemon. Lemon and George are all set to marry (even crazy Brick made it in time) but George chickens out. Says he wants it done by someone they know, with friends and family. But I smell cold feet in the long run, and they stink.

So what did you think viewers? Are George and Lemon actually going to get married? Do you bleed for Zoe as much as I do? Did you know about the Facebook separations? Look it up and comment below!

Emily E. Steck
Contributing Writer

(Image courtesy of The CW)

Emily E. Steck

Contributing Writer, BuddyTV