Gossip Girl: Episode 14 “The Blair Bitch Project” Recap

  • Apr 21, 2008
  • Buddy TV

OMFG you guys, Gossip Girl is finally back!  When we last left the Upper East Side, Blair’s reputation was ruined after everyone found out about her fling with Chuck, leaving little Jenny Humphrey to take over as Queen Bee.  Nate, upset that Chuck moved in on his girl, broke up with his scarf-loving BFF.  Blair eventually tried to flee to France to escape all the drama, but Serena (Blake Lively) successfully talked her out of it at the last minute.

Will Blair be able to claw her way back to the top and destroy Little J?  She’s certainly going to give it a try.

After dreaming about chasing a cat in her own Audrey Hepburn movie, Blair (Leighton Meester) wakes up to her harsh reality.  The sun is bright, school is about to begin, and Blair’s only friend is a box of Godiva chocolates.  Meanwhile, Serena is trying to adjust to living with Chuck.  He’s taken over the bathroom to smoke a joint, and he’s also done something I won’t mention with the hand towels.  Much to his dismay, he has to be on somewhat good behavior for a little while so he can be the best man at his dad’s wedding.

On the way to school, Serena is trying to tell Blair that her scandal is old news.  B, who is foolish enough to believe S, takes off her schoolmarm disguise and proudly walks up the Constance Billiard steps.  However, her pride is short-lived as Jenny (Taylor Momsen) and the other girls fling some Yoplait right on her head.  It looks like Jenny has successfully integrated into Blair’s old clique.  She’s even rocking a headband and some white leggings.  Stealing Blair’s attitude is one thing, but stealing her fashion sense is inexcusable.

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Nate (Chace Crawford) tries to warn Jenny that the clique will turn on her as soon as they get a chance. Running with the popular crowd is a dangerous game, and if they can turn on Blair they can turn on anyone. On the steps, S tries to give B a pep talk now that the active yogurt cultures have washed away.  Serena tries to tell her that she’ll recover more quickly if she’s nice to people, which is an attitude B will test out when she attends Jenny’s big birthday bash.  The entirety of B’s old crew will be there, so that should prove awkward.

It’s time to test some catering options at the Bass residence.  In the middle of the snacking, Serena receives a mysterious package full of porn and handcuffs.  She of course assumes it’s from Chuck (Ed Westwick), but he denies this particular pervy move.

Blair shows up at Butter for the big party, but Jenny and the gang are actually holding the shindig elsewhere. It was all a trick to embarrass the former Queen Bee.  While B sits alone, Little J is running into a few problems trying to keep up with her hip lifestyle.  She doesn’t have the cash to run with the snobby crowd, so she decides to turn to kleptomania to keep herself in high fashion.  She snags some stuff out of her friend’s closet and trades it in for a nice dress.

Chuck’s dad thinks that his son is responsible for Serena’s porn package, even though Chuck denies it.  He wants Chuck to stay on his best behavior, and he’s willing to invest more cash in his burlesque club to make it happen.  Later, Serena receives another mysterious package:  three cases of champagne.  Porn, booze, handcuffs. . .this is the best Secret Santa ever!

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In her first attempt to dethrone Jenny, Blair goes to see Rufus (Matthew Settle) to warn him that it’ll be tough for his daughter to keep up with the popular girls.  She offers to help in any way she can.  Meanwhile, Jenny attempts to return the dress after her friend notices that a Valentino is missing.  The clerk can’t accept the return, so J calls Nate and asks for $8000.  She hangs up when he asks what the money is for, deciding to steal the Valentino back by wearing it out under her clothes instead.

After finding out about Serena’s schoolyard booze delivery, Lily (Kelly Rutherford) is worried.  Serena swears that the champagne wasn’t her decision, and instead tattles on Chuck.  Across town, Blair has organized a surprise birthday bash at Jenny’s place.  Little J is a bit freaked out when she walks in and sees the entire gang in her loft.  But hey, at least B made Rice Krispie treats!

Nate goes to Dan (Penn Badgley) with the news about J’s $8000 request, while Jenny desperately tries to get the Valentino dress off.  The gang walks in while she’s still wearing the little red number, and B couldn’t be happier at this turn of events.  The gang, realizing that Jenny is a klepto, abandons her and follows Blair to Butter.  Well, that didn’t take long.

When Rufus demands to know where she got the dress, Jenny breaks down in tears.  She’s upset at constantly having to brown bag it while her friends go and eat at the hottest restaurants in the city. Meanwhile, Serena is distressed by the fact that Eric is hanging out with Chuck.  She’s also freaked out by getting a small package of cocaine in the mail.  Secret Santa strikes again.

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Serena takes the cocaine to Chuck and blames him for sending it, but he’s busy wearing a weird shirt with sharks on it.  He’s also moving back to his suite.  Bart has kicked him out for bad behavior.  At Butter, B waits for the gang to arrive, slightly worried that they’re all going to ditch her again.  This time they show up and immediately boost B’s social profile.  Is she back on top already, or is Little J going to demand a rematch?

Dan wants to take Jenny out for ice cream, but Rufus doesn’t want to let her out of the house.  That’s too bad for Rufus, because J has already left without permission.  She goes to see Nate and asks him to take her to Butter.  They make a hot entrance, sit down at B’s table, and the gang, impressed by J’s ability to land Mr. Archibald, immediately forgive her for the Valentino debacle.  Well, it looks like Jenny has some fight left in her after all.

Serena’s next mysterious package comes in the form of a letter from Georgina Sparks.  G is the one who sent all the goodies, and it looks like she’ll be in town causing trouble next week.  Serena’s past is coming back to haunt her in a major way.

– Don Williams, BuddyTV Staff Writer
(Image courtesy of the CW)

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