Previously on Flavor of Love 3: Prancer won the Total Package Contest, but all that really mattered was a mysterious phone call from a man threatening to come to the house and beat some people up unless Myammee paid him the $1,000 she stole. It was probably a prank by Rayna, but Myammee got eliminated anyway, as did Bunz because she has kids to take care of. Flavor Flav finally had enough of Shy’s halitosis and begged her to eat a mint or something.
Flavor Flav announces the girls will be making a Flavor of Love 3 Girls calendar. Prancer thinks this is every girls dream. Yes, I’m certain if Hillary Clinton becomes president, her one great regret will be never posing suggestively for a calendar. Helping out are former Flavor of Love contestants Buckwild (who has her own clothing line) and Saaphyri (who has her own brand of lip chap, whatever the hell that is).
Shy lists her modeling experience, which includes hair shows (is that a real thing?) and watching The Tyra Banks Show. Shy gets angry because Prancer wants to be in every month, and when Shy suggests she dress sexy for February, Prancer nixes the idea because Shy has disgusting stretch marks. Hotlanta and Seezinz pose in bikinis for August, but after Hotlanta leaves, Prancer steps in to redo it because Hotlanta looks like “a hot mess.” Seezinz goes along with it, because if Prancer is trying to be in all the shots, Seezinz might as well ride her coattails.
February causes all the problems, because while Shy and Sinceer are upstairs preparing, Prancer and Seezinz hijack it. Thing 1 and Thing 2 go upstairs to tattle, which results in a giant fight about fairness vs. hotness. Essentially they take three sets of photos for that month to decide later. March is no easier, with all the girls dressed in green. Seezinz calls one of the Things fat (which she is), and the professional photographer decides to give up and start drinking. I’m with him.
Finally, Saaphyri and Buckwild judge the photos. June is criticized because Shy and the Things don’t show enough skin. Prancer claims it’s because they’re all hot messes. She’s so stealing that from Christian Siriano. The judges love March, April and July, all of which feature Prancer by herself. Next they go over the three shots for February. The Things are covered and ugly. Shy and Sinceer look like “Amateur Night at the Strip Club,” then Prancer and Seezinz’ photo is sexy. Prancer and Seezinz are deemed co-winners. The other girls are angry that the winners cheated. Since when is being sexier considered cheating?
Shy makes a dental appointment. When she gets the check-up, the dentist informs her that her mouth is a mess, and if she keeps up the neglect and sugar consumption, she won’t have her teeth when she’s 40. The dentist then says several teeth need to come out, others need root canals and others need fillings. He gives her a bill for what it would cost, and while we don’t get to see the number, Hotlanta later informs us that it’s $20,000. Wow, I was only expecting high four figures. She tries to be economical, so she makes a necklace made of mints to chew on before kissing Flavor Flav. When she does, he still thinks it’s going to take a lot more for mouth to be an acceptable place to visit.
On the date, Prancer and Seezinz dress in spandex leotards to do some aerial acrobatics, Cirque de Soleil-style. Seezinz does a good job and monopolizes all of Flavor Flav’s time.
The Things overhear a phone conversation Hotlanta has that makes them think she’s a gold digger. Hotlanta was trying to get her friend to get money out of Jerry, whose name she has tattooed on her back. The Things have nothing concrete, but they know Flavor Flav is dumb enough to fall for rumor and innuendo. He asks Hotlanta about it, and he grows suspicious that she only recently broke up with this guy who’s now broke.
Flavor of Love 3 Elimination Time! First he gets the opinion of Buckwild and Saaphyri. They think Hotlanta and Shy need to go, and Seezinz is the only one they remotely like. The girls are all dressed in their pajamas. It boils down to Shy and Hotlanta. Shy is the one sent home, and we learn her real name is Monalisa. The irony is not lost on me that a woman named after the most famous smile in all of art is sent home for having a messed up mouth.
But it’s not over! Saaphyri and Buckwild call in their own stable of four hot ladies . To be continued!
Next week on Flavor of Love 3: Um, I guess the four new hotties are now a part of the competition. On the bright side, it seems to unite the girls already in the house, something I never thought could happen.
-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of VH1)