Crowned: The Mother of All Pageants started its freshman season off with so much potential. The premiere showcased some dysfunctional mother-daughter relationships, especially Patty’s and Laura’s, that made it hard to tear your eyes away from the TV screen. Laura also proved right from the start to be the bitchy girl in the house, gleefully waking everyone up in the morning with her high-pitched vocal exercises.
Remember Team Silent But Deadly? I will never forget their first appearance before panel, in which Carson Kressley explained what their team name refers to. (I have since interviewed Alana and Annette and found out that Alana, at least, was well aware of the double meaning, but was edited out to look foolish.) I have to show you the clip of it again because it really is too funny.
Then, of course, we were first introduced to perhaps the most ruthless style of elimination, the de-sashing. In the first de-sashing ceremony, the erstwhile Blonde Bombshells were ordered to pick up the bejeweled scissors and de-sash the Reigning A’s. Gasp!
But since that brilliant first episode, the quality of Crowned has gone precipitously downhill. Sure, there were feuds and shouting matches and knee injuries and insults and puking and making out, but on the whole, I really couldn’t care less about which mother-daughter team will be crowned with fabulous tiaras and become $100,000 richer tomorrow night. But I’ll make my predictions anyway.
Of the four teams that have made it to the Crowned finals, Gina and Hollis are the obvious frontrunners. They are perfectly charming and well-adjusted. They are respectful of one another and always apologize if an apology is warranted. But I think that they are too obvious to win. There would be no drama, no twist, if they took home the prize, and how many of us actually think that the CW wouldn’t want any drama?
So, who else is left?
There’s Patty and Laura. These two have inexplicably made it to the finals, despite being completely odious creatures. There isn’t even a chance. No way. I would have to call major shenanigans if they win tomorrow.
That leaves, then, the Gifted Dolls, Mindy and Rachelle, versus the Daredevil Divas, Jenileigh and Moya. Mindy and Rachelle definitely have the sympathy vote. Mindy overcame a major health issue, a kidney transplant, to be on Crowned, not to mention a bum knee injured during Rachelle’s choreography lessons. But they never exude complete confidence when they appear before the panel, especially mom Mindy. Without fail, Rachelle has to build up her mother’s confidence anytime anyone looks at her cross. This is why my money is on Jeneleigh and Moya. They have revealed throughout the season that they are suffering from financial difficulty, couch surfing with their friends after losing their house. They’ve not only got the judges’ sympathies, but they also have confidence in themselves in the face of their hardships. They have spunk— Jenileigh gave it to the Mean Girls straight up during the smile challenge. They have great social graces proven when they won the cocktail party challenge. And they’ve got talent—Jenileigh is an amazingly talented aerialist—and they always work together as a team harmoniously. They’ve got this one in the bag.
-Debbie Chang, BuddyTV Staff Writer
(Image courtesy of The CW)