Over here on the West Coast, we didn’t get to experience the delicious irony of Celebrity Apprentice being interrupted by President Obama’s press conference about the death of Osama bin Laden (subtext essentially being, “Suck on THAT, Trump!”), but we did get to witness the uninterrupted glory of NeNe Leakes‘ epic meltdown, which contained some irony of its own — mainly that, while Star and NeNe battled over who could look worse in front of The Donald, in the end it was a silent contestant named “Hope” who lost. By that point, I’d almost lost hope that the fight would ever end.

Fans of the Real Housewives of Atlanta are well aware that when NeNe erupts, she goes all the way. Past the point of maintaining composure, and sometimes past the point of even making sense with the words she is saying. After weeks of built-up frustration and animosity between them, NeNe erupted on Star like a volcano made of pissed-off sass, yelling in Star’s face at the beginning of the episode and later in the boardroom that Star was a manipulator, a puppet-master and just an all-around bully who would “chop off your head to win.” It was intense. It rarely made sense. It was glorious! Watch:

Bonus Scene! Because there definitely wasn’t enough of angry NeNe in the two-hour long episode that was already approximately 80% angry NeNe:

Are you Team Star or Team NeNe? I’m definitely Team Neither Because Star Scares Me and NeNe Scares Me But When She’s Not Blowing Up I’d Rather Sit Around and Drink Cocktails and Rag on Celebs with NeNe, Cuz She Keeps It Real. But I’d still be nervous and careful about what I said. NeNe’s handle has a full-on TSA set-up, that’s how often and intensely she flies off of it!

The impressive (or despicable? On Celebrity Apprentice, sometimes these are the same!) part of the whole fight, beyond Star’s eerie, inhuman ability to maintain composure, was that Star and NeNe were able to harness their mutual hatred to keep each other around and get rid of Hope. They both said it was because they thought, if they could get past their differences, each of them was simply a stronger team member than Hope was, but I also think it’s just because these ladies love having a nemesis. Half the time NeNe was yelling at Star, she was smiling. The drama makes her feel alive!

Hope, meanwhile, was completely incapable of defending her position on anything, or her existence on this program. In the end, the best Donald could do was compliment Hope on two things that are not only completely out of her control, but are actually the opposite of reasons you should respect somebody: “I have great respect for Hope. She’s young and she’s beautiful.” I laughed for a full five minutes. Celebrity Apprentice is definitely my favorite comedy on TV right now.

The other amazing part of the episode, of course, was the return of La Toya, who was at her most coherent (read: scripted) when she walked into Trump’s office and asked for a second chance to play with the men’s team. Her strut into the board room was great (just like her “lifestyle”):

NeNe called her Casper the Ghost, and now the ghost of La Toya and her incredibly luxurious wardrobe (notice she’s wearing white) have returned to haunt the women’s team. Meanwhile, a Star lost its sheen, and Hope was lost. So fitting, so poetic. It was like a Shakespeare play up in Trump Tower last night.

What did you think of the battle between NeNe and Star?

(Image courtesy of NBC)

Meghan Carlson

Senior Writer, BuddyTV

Meghan hails from Walla Walla, WA, the proud home of the world’s best sweet onions and Adam West, the original Batman. An avid grammarian and over-analyzer, you can usually find her thinking too hard about plot devices in favorites like The OfficeIt’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and How I Met Your Mother. In her spare time, Meghan enjoys drawing, shopping, trying to be funny (and often failing), and not understanding the whole Twilight thing. She’s got a BA in English and Studio Art from Whitman College, which makes her a professional arguer, daydreamer, and doodler.