It’s finally here, the first endurance competition of Big Brother 14. Everyone loves these because it shows just how bad you want it. HG will hang onto things and suffer punishment for hours just for the chance to win.
On Thursday’s show we saw the game get completely reset as the coaches were allowed to reenter the game. As a result, both nominees were safe, all four coaches are now playing and everyone (even outgoing HoH Shane) gets to play. The entire season is basically starting over.
The endurance HoH competition puts the 12 HGs on thin planks on a pirate ship that makes them lean forward. The last person to stay on wins. And there’s rain. This is gonna be rough. And long, because we have some All-Star competitors from the coaches, some newbies who want it bad, and a situation where no one feels safe because the entire game is reset. I can assure you that while everyone kind of knew the coaches were coming into the game tonight, NO ONE was predicting there would be no vote.
I’ll be offering live feed updates throughout the night until we have a winner.. All times are PT, which is the local time in the Big Brother 14 house.
7pm: When the show ended on CBS, all 12 HGs were still in the game. It’s possible this wasn’t actually live, so there’s a chance that, when the live feeds turn on, the competition will be well underway.
7:10pm: I was wrong, the live feeds are back and everyone is still one. The four coaches are all next to one another, which I find interesting. Perhaps that’s the sweet spot.
7:13pm: Joe is singing “Eye of the Tiger.” Dan and Frank are commenting on whether the people watching the live feeds enjoy seeing the HGs get tortured like this. We do.
7:15pm: Boogie admits he won’t be able to do this for long. He also says that everyone will be coming after him so Frank and Ian need to win it for him. It seems Boogie is still under the impression that there are teams. I’ll be curious to see if that holds true.
7:19pm: Fake seagulls are flying around the HGs and cannon bursts spray them all with fake white “bird poop.” Wow, it’s like they’re combining the surfboard AND the paint can endurance competitions from season 12. I have to give the edge to Ian, since he’s the most similar to Matt Hoffman, who won both of those.
7:23pm: Boogie is getting pretty pessimistic about his chances, and the other coaches are now realizing that it’s probably 8-4. Well, maybe and maybe not. That’s the best part of this twist, there’s no telling what will happen.
7:26pm: Boogie and Joe are looking bad. Frank, on the other hand, is happy-go-lucky and wondering if he can drink the water pouring down on them. Maybe, but if you do, you’d better be prepared to pee yourself later, cuz this coud go on for a while with 12 people.
7:27pm: Shane says Jodi would’ve fallen off already. Hilarious, and probably true. Although Kalia did a lot better than anyone expected last season on the skis.
7:32pm: Shane asks the coaches which one hit the Reset button. Britney says nothing while the other three deny it. Ooh, I didn’t even think about THIS as another potential cause for drama.
7:33pm: It sounds like the first person to drop will have to read a card because the Have-Nots for the week are tied to the game. If it’s anything like the past, the four HGs who last the longest without winning will be Have-Nots, which is a cruel way to punish people who try and reward people who quit early
7:35pm: Ian is being quite chatty, making pirate jokes, saying that Willie was actually right about the coaches coming into the game all along, and pointing out that, since the twist said some evicted HGs might come back, people like Jodi have probably been sequestered this whole time, but now she’ll never get to come back in. It’s just like Keith last season, who came back after being sequestered for four weeks only to lose in the vote to Brendon.
7:40pm: Boogie is miserable because the water is so cold. Ian has no problem because he’s been a Have-Not for three weeks and could only take cold showers. That little dude has been preparing himself for this all season.
7:43pm: Frank, Wil, Shane and Ian are being quite vocal while Joe and Boogie are almost certainly going to be the first two out. Jenn is stoic, not moving, not talking. It’s a good strategy, and Ashley and Danielle seem OK too.
7:44pm: Britney asks Ian if he’d put her up (because she knows this is his to lose). He says “Never.” I wish he said, “That’s not a foreseeable circumstance.”
7:50pm: After one hour, everyone is still in it. But now they are not allowed to wrap their arms around the pole. This could be a long one, but I’m guessing they’ll leave the boat tipped over and just drop water on them for longer periods of time to speed things up if it goes too long.
7:53pm: The HGs get shot with the bird poop paint cannons again.
7:54pm: Boogie is cursing up a storm, raging over the fact that the entire twist and concept of the coaches was totally undone. He’s finally reacting to the fact that everything that came before doesn’t really matter, and I feel particularly bad for him because he’s the only coach who DIDN’T want to come back into the game.
8:02pm: BOOGIE IS OUT!
8:02pm: JENN IS OUT!
8:02pm: Boogie jumped off first and 30 seconds later Jenn followed.
8:04pm: JOE IS OUT!
8:04pm: It seems like no one wanted to be the first one out, but now that the seal is broken, people aren’t afraid to drop. Joe had shoulder surgery, so he was definitely not built for this, but I wonder if Jenn dropped on purpose, knowing she’s not anyone’s target at this point. She’s played the Invisible card all season, and now with the coaches involved, she can go into deep hibernation for a few more weeks.
8:13pm: Boogie, Joe and Jenn seem to concur that Britney, Ian and maybe Danielle have the best shot at winning this.
8:14pm: Shane is proving to be quite entertaining, praising Britney, then saying he doesn’t need to suck up to her anymore because she’s not his coach.
8:20pm: 90 minutes in and nine HGs are still holding on.
8:26pm: It seems Dan may have confessed to pushing the reset button, but Janelle and Britney are still denying it (but they both did it as well). I don’t think anyone will believe that any of the coaches didn’t press it, although we know Boogie didn’t.
8:35pm: I’ll have to check the history, but already I think this is the longest endurance competition in the last three seasons. For the past two years we had ones like Daniele Donato on the skis, Jeff Schroeder with the gumball slip-and-slide and Matt Hoffman with the surfboard and paint can, all of which ended in less than 90 minutes.
8:42pm: ASHLEY IS OUT!
8:44pm: DAN IS OUT!
8:44pm: It sounds like Ashley slipped while Dan jumped, either because of pain or to continue his “Throw Competitions” strategy.
8:48pm: Frank and Shane are eating protein bars from their pockets. Those have to be soggy as hell.
8:51pm: Britney is amusing herself (and us) with impressions of reality TV stars from Teen Mom and NeNe Leakes from The Real Housewives of Atlanta.
8:55pm: We’re over two hours, so it’s time for more fake bird poop from the seagulls.
9pm: Joe, who is totally incapable of not telling people everything he hears, tells Dan that the general consensus is that Dan is the ONLY coach who pressed the reset button. Really? No one thinks Janelle, the most ambitious, ruthless woman in this game, pushed it? Sure, she still would’ve had three players, but one (Wil) hates her and the other two (Joe and Ashley) are absolutely worthless in terms of playing the game.
9:07pm: FRANK IS OUT!
9:08pm: So now we’re down to two coaches (Janelle and Britney) and one player from each of the original four teams (Wil, Shane, Danielle and Ian). I doubt it will happen, but I would laugh my ass off if Shane won back-to-back HoH competitions. If that happens everyone else should just quit and let Shane win the damn game.
9:11pm: Ashley praises everyone still in it, telling them to fight hard and think about “rainbows and butterflies.” I genuinely can’t decide if Ashley is ACTUALLY this stupid or if its an act.
9:14pm: According to the people on the sidelines, there are NO Have-Nots this week. How will Ian survive without his uncomfortable bed, cold showers and constant diet of slop?
9:16pm: Wil is freaked out by a moth.
9:18pm: Frank and Boogie are complaining on the sidelines about how Janelle keeps cheating by wrapping her arms around the pole, but only gets repeated warnings.
9:22pm: It’s been two and a half hours and six people remain. Dan is promising Danielle that if she makes it to the final three, he will give her one of his patented, inspirational high school football coach speeches (the kind that would make Eric Taylor look like an inarticulate buffoon).
9:23pm: Boogie is all upset because apparently you can lock your elbows into the pole, just not your arms. Basically, he thinks Janelle is cheating, but production says she isn’t, so Boogie encourages Ian to do the same thing Janelle is doing. He’s really acting like one of those annoying Little League dads yelling at the umpire.
9:26pm: Shane is screaming in pain, struggling a whole lot to stay on. This competition isn’t built for guys like him, it’s built for smaller people (Ian, Britney, etc.). The fact that he’s still on after more than two and a half hours shows that he really is a fierce competitor who will NEVER quit so long as he has anything left to give.
9:37pm: WIL IS OUT!
9:37pm: SHANE IS OUT!
9:37pm: They both basically jumped at the same time, unable to take the pain anymore. I guess Shane CAN’T win everything. Although he might still get to play for a record fourth straight Power of Veto.
9:40pm: JANELLE IS OUT!
9:40pm: So it’s down to Ian, Britney and Danielle, just like Boogie, Joe and Jenn predicted 90 minutes ago.
9:42pm: Ian says he can do this for five hours (they’re not even at three yet). Dan tells Britney not to accept any deals from Ian, who said she’s safe with him. Shane tells Danielle that if she wins, he’ll give her another kiss.Oh Shane, you’re already going to win America’s Favorite, there’s no need to continue to be so damn adorable. All three make the basic, “The two of you are both safe” plea. But Ian still wants to just play it out. This probably isn’t that hard for him, it’s like a ride at Disney World. Competing in an endurance HoH on Big Brother is probably on his bucket list.
9:45pm: The doors finally open to let the HGs back inside.
9:46pm: As promised, Dan is going into “coach” mode with his speech to Danielle, which will certainly make it into Sunday’s episode. He says things like she shouldn’t make deals, she should set the deals. If she wants to win the game, it starts here, and that there’s a reason he picked her. He says Britney is tough as nails and there’s clearly something not right with Ian’s head that he can absorb all this punishment. This is her one shot and she needs to take it and make her mom proud.
9:50pm: Dan moves on to give Ian an inspirational speech of his own about a mystery girl named Taylor who will be waiting for him when the game is over. Watch out, Shane, Dan might give you a run for your money in being America’s Favorite.
9:51pm: Ian slips a bit and his foot lands on the platforms to his side, which is not allowed. He thinks it might be a disqualification and wants a ruling from production. The kid’s honest, I’ll give him that.
9:53pm: We’re over three hours. This is definitely one heck of an endurance competition, twice as long as any from the past two seasons.
9:54pm: Ian is feeling sick and might throw up. Britney is also in pain with a lack of blood flow to her arms. There’s no way this will last much longer. Britney is trying to get Ian to drop by assuring him that he’s safe, but he still wants to win it for a picture of his family. The thing she doesn’t understand is that he’s not fighting for safety, he’s fighting so that, for the rest of his life, he can say he won an endurance competition on Big Brother 14.
9:58pm: The bird poop cannons are back!
10pm: As Big Brother After Dark begins on Showtime 2, Ian talks about wanting to win so he can have the privacy of the HoH bathroom to masturbate.
10:01pm: Britney is trying to convince Ian to ask everyone else to leave so they can make a deal.
10:02pm: More than three hours after the twist was revealed, Shane finally seems to realize that his HoH was a waste. Yes it was, and so was that “huge” game move he tried to make getting rid of Frank. I’m sure that won’t come back to bite him in the ass when Janelle tells Boogie all about it so she can try and deflect attention from herself.
10:03pm: Ashley suggests that the newbies should team up and get the coaches out. Wow, that girl is nuts, because a day ago Ian was her top target and I thought she was Stockholm Syndromed by Janelle. There’s a chance Ashley is playing the role of Uber-Floater, a girl so ditzy and wishy-washy that EVERYONE wants to be in the finale with her, so NO ONE will ever evict her.
10:06pm: It seems Joe DEFINITELY told Boogie about the plan to evict Frank because Boogie is telling Ian that he needs to stay up because they’re targeting Frank. Wow, you can’t tell Joe ANYTHING.
10:08pm: IAN IS OUT!
10:08pm: Ian took the deal with Britney and Danielle promising him safety this week.
10:09pm: BRITNEY IS OUT!
10:09pm: DANIELLE WINS HOH!
After 3 hours and 20 minutes, Danielle wins, following in the footsteps of her showmance boyfriend, Shane. I guess Dan’s whole “throw competitions” strategy is done now that everyone knows Danielle is one tough cookie.
Shane followed through on his promise to give her another kiss. She promised Ian that he would not go up at all, not originally or as a backdoor option. Janelle wasted no time sucking up to Danielle, as always, talking about how great it is that a girl finally won HoH.
Ironically, as Danielle was winning, Boogie was inside making a Final 2 deal with Frank and telling him how Danielle was going to vote Frank out and how she can’t be trusted. Well, this is not gonna be good for them.
I’ll be curious to see what she does with the power, how she proceeds with her relationship with Shane and how she handles Dan, who is now no longer her coach. Will she keep listening to him or decide to break free?
And are Boogie and Frank really the top targets? I suppose Danielle could just use this as a week to do what Shane was trying to do last week and get rid of Frank. But the coaches entering the game as players will make things interesting.
(Image courtesy of CBS)