After last Friday’s huge blow-up in which Willie Hantz was expelled from Big Brother 14, this week has been quite predictable. The other two members of Willie’s team were nominated, Shane won the Power of Veto (again) and the utterly useless Danielle was put up as a pawn (which I’m guessing will be the first of many, many times she’ll be used for such a purpose).
And the HGs have been equally predictable. Frank blamed Shane and JoJo’s loyalty to Willie as the reason he put them up, thus eliminating any responsibility he may have for the action so he can move forward with a clear conscience that he’s still a good guy. Boogie manipulate his players like the puppet master he is. And Jenn continued to be the most invisible HG of season 14. Seriously, she may make it to the end simply because no one knows she’s even there.
But now is a night for change as we welcome a new HoH and perhaps usher in a week of exciting chaos.
I love it when Julie Chen is naive. She claims one coach may be in danger of leaving tonight, meaning Dan, but we all know that Danielle is totally safe. Don’t act like you don’t know EXACTLY who’s going home, Chenbot.
The “previously on” package includes Britney’s speculation that the coaches will enter the game, and the narrator promises that it might be more than just paranoia. Finally, the twist may reveal itself tonight!
Frank’s stupid “Julie Chen is My Homegirl” shirt and his goofy grin are making me hate him a little extra tonight.
Now comes the boring part of eviction nights, where they show us a bunch of pointless game talk that doesn’t matter. There’s some truly God-awful nonsense about Danielle crying because Dan abandoned her (is she really THAT incapable of playing the game on her own?).
Meanwhile Shane and JoJo flirt in a very sexually explicit way in the Have-Not room while Ian is forced to listen. It’s a big joke, but when Ian tells Danielle about it, she assumes it’s completely realistic and that JoJo is trying to steal her man. Seriously, this just turned into an episode of The Bachelor and I did NOT sign up for that.
Getting in on the Shane action, Ashley and Janelle mock how “emancipated” he looks (Ashley obviously means “emaciated”). They think he’s too skinny, but that might be because he’s been a Have-Not for the entire season so far. Perhaps if you let him eat real food he wouldn’t be so damn skinny.
Danielle spreads the totally FAKE rumor about a Shane-JoJo showmance to Ashley and Janelle and they decide it means JoJo has to go. Ian was KIDDING, you Southern-fried moron!
I’m also sick and tired of the coaches feeling so damn entitled, like their players must do EVERY SINGLE THING they tell them to do. Britney went out in fourth place and got hosed by the Brigade, so her advice is meaningless.
Britney campaigns to Boogie and Boogie claims he has total control over his players and can make them vote however he wants. I wish that wasn’t true, but it is. And it makes me angry and is the reason I hate this season so far.
Julie Chats with the HGs
Joe tries to make a joke about the Willie confrontation (if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen) and Julie tries to make a joke as well (about it being the bathroom and not the kitchen). Both fall flat.
Dr. Will Kirby
We catch up with Dr. Will outside of the house for his thoughts on the coaches. He thinks Boogie is turning Frank into Will 2.0 and his cockiness may get the better of him. Dr. Will is also unimpressed with everyone other than Boogie.
He calls Dan the lovechild of Kermit the Frog and Ryan Seacrest and mocks that he chose his team based on the “gravitational force of boobies.” And he thinks Britney is just plain bad and Janelle might be a three-time loser. Dr. Will thinks Ian is the frontrunner because he’s just a younger version of Boogie.
Julie and Frank
They get a private chat and Frank is annoyingly smiley. Frank says he’s having a good time with Boogie. He also admits that his deal with Shane may or may not be real, depending on how things shake out. Frank also claims he trusts Janelle and her players “completely.” Wow, is he really that dumb?
JoJo talks about how she wanted to play a dirty, lying, fake game. She also says everyone is making a mistake, because she knows she’s going. She says this game isn’t fair, but that’s the way it is. It’s a very defeated, “This sucks, you all know it sucks, you’re all weak, pathetic sheep and I don’t care any more because there’s nothing I could’ve done” kind of speech. The worst part is that she knows no one else will admit to seeing it this way, even though she’s absolutely right. Life’s not fair.
Danielle is all rainbows and unicorns because she knows she’s safe.
Wil votes to evict…JOJO (calling her a hypocrite because he’s a d-bag)
Joe votes to evict…JOJO (sadly, because he made a side deal where she’d give him cigarettes if he voted to keep her which actually caused some interesting drama, but they didn’t put that in the episode)
Ashley votes to evict…JOJO (her homegirl)
Shane votes to evict…DANIELLE
Ian votes to evict…JOJO
Jenn votes to evict…JOJO
JOJO IS EVICTED 5-1!
JoJo leaves defeated but classy, telling everyone to “make big moves” before exiting. It’s funny to see her attitude change as JoJo is genuinely happy to meet Julie Chen. In her interview, JoJo once again says that the game isn’t fair, but she acknowledges that no one ever said it’s fair. She thinks she competed and fought hard while Danielle did absolutely nothing in the competitions. She says Britney has “a lot of heart,” which is the most polite way she can say that Britney is clearly the worst coach.
The goodbye messages are mostly meaningless, but the best part is that JoJo talks over all of them, as if she’s talking to them through the TV.
The HoH Competition
It’s an ice hockey challenge, so it’s basically the same as the mini-golf HoH Jordan won last season. The HGs got a practice course last night to hone their shooting skills. Whoever gets their ball in the slot with the highest number.
SHANE WINS HOH!
YES!!!!! He got the highest possible score. Suck it, everyone else! And suck it, Boogie and Janelle’s teams, who are now going to have to fight each other. This is definitely the most INTERESTING outcome. But winning three of the first five competitions certainly makes him a target.
A New Twist: Will the Coaches Enter the Game?
As if Shane winning HoH wasn’t enough to make me smile, there’s also a new America’s Choice twist. We get to decide if the coaches will be offered a chance to enter the game as players or if they should continue as coaches. The results will be revealed next Thursday.
Um, so all we get to do is decide whether the coaches get the option to play? I hope America votes “Yes,” because I’d like to see if the coaches will make the choice to play. This also helps Shane a whole lot, because if the coaches enter the game next week, all of the newbies will inevitably target them instead of each other.
(Image courtesy of CBS)