If there’s one thing the judges could agree on last night, it’s that this fourth quarterfinals show was packed with talent. Almost preposterously so, actually. I have a feeling most of the wild card acts will be coming from people who don’t make it through this week. Howie tried to spin this week’s events into a positive “on what other show can you complain of too much talent!” But for real, man, that was so messed up stuff.
Ulysses, Olate Dogs, and David “The Bullet” Smith are first up to the plate. I hope to god that it will be Olate Dogs, particularly against guys whose talents are cheesy singing and staying alive, respectively. Olate Dogs will move through! No question! I am so delighted. Everyone go rescue a dog today!
Teen “sensation” Cher Lloyd performed that song everyone is using as a rebound to get over “Call Me Maybe.” She’s like a little, less-talented Katy Perry, or even Karmin. Good for her, though, having the audacity to wear a skirt so small and bugging her eyes out like Real Housewife of New York City, Ramona Singer.
William Close, Unity in Motion, and Sebastien “El Charro de Oro” hit the stage next. I think of this group it will be William Close, but this will be a hard one, with all the little hearts being broken. Indeed, it is William Close moving on. Poor kids.
“OK,” Nick Cannon says, letting us know there are only two spots left. He welcomes Joe Castillo, Eric & Olivia, and Horse to the stage. I hope it’s Joe Castillo from this group. And yes, Joe Castillo is moving forward to do some sand art in the next round! Awesome.
Oh no! Eric Dittelman is in the final group! I really want to see what else he has to offer. Lindsey Norton, All That! and Eric Dittelman remain. Come onnnnnn mentalist! But first we have to watch this performance of a song from Broadway’s “Once.” This looks like exactly the kind of musical I would hate. I want to see “Sister Act,” or “Ghost,” or anything that had Whoopi Goldberg in it. Not this pretentious bohemian crap. It was basically just a performance of “Falling Slowly.” Bring back Dittelman!
The final three acts head to the stage. They are all great. Nick tells us these acts came in fourth, fifth, and sixth. The act in sixth place was … Lindsey Norton. Awww. Eric promises new tricks we haven’t seen, and All That promises leather pants.
In three weeks, it’s the YouTube acts, sponsored heavily by Snapple.
Howie, in the name of what’s right for America, chooses Eric Dittelman. After way too much pontification. Sharon chooses All That! Who will Howard choose? Don’t take forever, please! He chooses Dittelman, and all the right choices were made tonight. I’m sure All That! can have a spot in the Wild Card show, though! Sure enough, with one minute left, Sharon announces All That as her first pick. It was in the heat of the moment, hopefully she won’t regret it later.
Who would you have chosen?
(images courtesy of NBC)