This episode of Big Brother 12 is brought to you by a pirate’s favorite letter: “R,” for Rachel and Ragan. Despite a Power of Veto competition won by Ragan and hosted by the Zingbot, the most awesome creation in the whole of human history, Big Brother gets cannibalized the Rachel’s surprising and very unpleasant return, which seems designed for the sole purpose of causing drama.

Zingbot Says: “Rachel is so skanky that when a pimp sees her, he slaps himself. ZING!”

I’m on record as not liking drama. I prefer it to be saved for yo’ mama. However, Rachel brings it wherever she goes because her entire goal is to get more TV time. I’m guessing the only reason she applied for Big Brother 12 is that Bret Michaels stopped making Rock of Love. From the moment she walks in after Brendon opens Pandora’s Box she is loud, insufferable, and begging for a fight.

Zingbot Says: “They say that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. So why are Rachel’s nasty hair extensions inside the house? ZING!”

The great big giant fight comes when Rachel walks outside to offer Ragan some giant, gooey, delicious cookies, knowing that he’s a Have-Not. What follows is Ragan making me fall hopelessly in love with him. He gets loud, but not irrational, pointing out the many, many reasons Rachel sucks so much. It’s about as classy as you can be while dealing with a piece of total trash, so I give Ragan a lot of credit, because he said what I feel.

Zingbot Says: “Rachel, the only thing that’s obvi is the fact that you were evicted. ZING!”

He just schooled her, and proved that she is exactly like Danielle Staub from The Real Housewives of New Jersey, a pathetic fame whore who only wants to be on TV without caring how she does it. The only difference is that Rachel doesn’t have a sleazy sex tape. Yet.

Zingbot Says: “Rachel is so trashy that raccoon’s forage in her for food. ZING!”

Rachel finally leaves, but first she leaves a message in pretzels in the HoH room telling Brendon to nominate Matt as the replacement nominee. Not only is this incredibly unfair, but it almost certainly has to be against the rules of Big Brother. Rachel even admits that this is what she did and Brendon admits that the only reason he nominates Matt is because Rachel told him to do it. Now I’m even more confident that the producers ruined the game by letting this B.S. happen.

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So now we’re left with Lane and Matt as the two nominees and Hayden and Enzo are secretly happy that they can get rid of Matt since he’s clearly the strongest part of the Brigade. However, Matt still has that Diamond Power of Veto, so he’s safe and the only question is: Who will be the replacement nominee? As much as I love the Brigade, I truly hope Matt uses this opportunity to come after them before they come after him.

(Image courtesy of CBS)

John Kubicek

Senior Writer, BuddyTV

John watches nearly every show on TV, but he specializes in sci-fi/fantasy like The Vampire DiariesSupernatural and True Blood. However, he can also be found writing about everything from Survivor and Glee to One Tree Hill and Smallville.