Tuesday means the Power of Veto night on Big Brother 11. Actually, the PoV competition and ceremony were held over the weekend, so while there may not be much suspense in terms of what happens with Lydia and Chima on the block, the editors will do their best to make the houseguests look as ridiculous as possible.
The guy doing the Big Brother voiceover sounds kind of pervy, and he’s also a master of deception because he makes it sound like the Ronnie/Jessie alliance is real and not just Jessie pretending to listen to Ronnie’s idiotic gameplay.
Russell and Jessie are super proud of themselves, and Jeff is a bit weirded out that he has no idea what his clique is up to. That’s probably because he’s smarter than the three other athletes combined.
Lydia makes me hate her by whining that she feels picked on just like high school. Kevin also gets on my bad side by calling Lydia his BFF. Here’s a good rule of thumb: if you’ve known someone for less than a week, they are NOT your best friend forever.
Ronnie’s lame quotient skyrockets when he tells Chima a secret – he’s a national champion, persuasive speaker. It’s so sad that he thinks he’s a good player. Equally pathetic are Jessie and Russell, who use their combined brain cell to figure out Jeff isn’t on their side, so they butter up Laura. I can’t decide which are the bigger boobs: Russell and Jessie or the things on Laura’s chest.
Already, we have our first super alliance, and it’s apparently Jessie, Russell, Natalie, Laura, Ronnie, Chima, and Michele.
Braden gets his own Zoolander montage where he wears leather pants, kisses a stuffed elephant, and acts like the stereotypical airhead model you’d expect him to be. Russell thinks Braden’s likeability is a threat, which means Russell knows nothing about this show because the person everyone likes is never the person who wins.
Power of Veto Players: Jessie gets Russell, Chima chooses Natalie and Lydia gets Jeff. So somehow, all four athletes are playing.
The competition is acne-themed, and the players must pop giant pimples to collect Scrabble tiles, and after 10 minutes, whoever can form the longest word wins. Russell believes the worst possible scenario is if Jeff or Lydia win and take Lydia off the block. Please remember that statement.
Lydia and Chima play the game ass-backward by thinking of words first and then trying to find the letters, instead of collecting all the letters and using your words skills to make a word out of what you have. Now, behold the combined mental retardation of the Big Brother HGs:
Jessie spelled CONTINOUSLY. That’s sort of like “continuously,” only spelled by a total moron.
Natalie spelled LAST. Seriously, if that’s the best you can do, I want to punch you in the face.
Chima spells SUPER…IALITY. As expected, Chima’s idiotic strategy was her downfall when she couldn’t find “FIC.”
Russell spelled SHOTGUN. I would prefer if he anagrammed those same letters to spell “NOUGHTS,” which would be zeroes, which could refer to him and Jessie or their IQs.
Jeff spelled TECNOTRONICS. He couldn’t find an “h” to finish his fake word. I’m guessing this is a joke and he was throwing the competition. The sad thing is if he deleted the “NO” and the “R,” he’d have “tectonics,” the study of the Earth’s geological make-up.
Lydia spelled CI.ILIZA.ION. Just like Chima, her strategy sucked.
So Russell wins, which is enough to send me over the edge, because now he’s going to get even cockier. Indeed, Russell is suspicious of Jeff, who is bonding with Jordan. Russell decides to taunt Jeff like an obnoxious a-hole trying to rile Jeff. The steroids must be acting up, because Russell is mocking Jeff’s use of the word “tecnotronics.” I guess Russell doesn’t know the word “hypocrisy,” because his BFF Jessie spelled “continuously,” which in my mind is even worse.
Russell acts like a total out-of-control roid-raging jerk, and Jeff remains mostly calm the whole time. Please, God, if you exist, let Russell and Jessie get their asses knocked out of this game soon.
Lydia cozies up to Russell, and the jock throws Natalie under the bus, claiming Natalie was the one who wanted Lydia to be nominated. Lydia is a terrible actress who can barely stomach being around someone as dumb as Russell, but he thinks he’s super smooth and he’s manipulating her.
Luckily for her, the jocks are all idiots who can be easily tricked into thinking that taking Lydia off and putting up Braden is a “bomb ass” move. It’s shameful how smart Jessie, Russell, and Natalie think they are.
Russell explains the plan to Ronnie and asks him not to say anything. So Ronnie, being a weasel and house gossiper, tells Jeff and Jordan about the plan, and they go tell Braden. Russell confronts Ronnie about whether he told Braden, and Ronnie denies it with the most unbelievable denial ever. Sorry, but even a dumb meathead jock can see through that crappy acting job.
It’s now official – Ronnie is the absolute worst player in Big Brother history. Playing both sides is a tricky needle to thread and as smart as he thinks he is and as great a persuasive speaker he believes he is, Ronnie is just too socially inept to pull it off.
By virtue of the fact that they’ve had almost no screentime thus far, I’d say Jordan, Casey, Kevin, and Michele are playing the smartest game. For that matter, so was Braden until the idiots running the asylum read too much into his Zen-like state of nothingness.
Lydia’s blatant manipulation paid off, and she tricked the jocks into believing Braden is a huge threat. Russell takes Lydia off the block which, as I asked you to remember from the PoV competition, is what Russell considered the worst possible scenario. Jessie replaces her with Braden, who is very nonchalant and relaxed about the whole thing. Wait, did they forget to show us the luxury competition where Braden won a bag of pot?
So who goes home, Chima or Braden? And who will be the next HoH? Find out Thursday at 8 pm on CBS.
-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of CBS)