It’s been a bad week in the Big Brother house for anyone who likes good triumphing over evil and logic triumphing over irrationality. First the duplicitous Ronnie won HoH, then he turned on the calm, level headed HGs, aligning himself with the bullies.
Jeff won the PoV and gave Ronnie a chance to atone and backdoor Russell, which was exactly what everyone in the house wanted him to do. He told everyone that’s what he would do. Then he didn’t, seemingly for no reason at all, meaning for the second week in a row a popular girl is going home.
After the token 75 hour recap that chronicles the history of the universe, from the big bang to Jordan going up as a replacement nominee, Prego Chen-o welcomes us wearing a shiny orange blouse that makes her look like a space pumpkin.
The narrator says, “Jessie tried to be the voice of reason.” The Big Brother narrator needs to be paid more, because he managed to say that without cracking up.
Post-PoV, Laura is well aware of the fact that she’s going home because she’s so much smarter than Jordan. Even Jeff has no problem telling Jordan to her face that Laura is smarter, but luckily for him, Jordan is way too stupid to realize how badly she’s being insulted.
Jordan is infatuated with Jeff, who she calls a boy version of herself. Wow, that girl is 17 kinds of stupid.
Laura, who is incredibly smart, sees the writing on the wall so she goes to Ronnie to convince him that Jordan and Jeff are a pair and she is just one person. I am so in love with Laura.
Ronnie offers Laura’s proposal to his gang, and they aren’t having any of it. Ronnie decides to try to blame Russell by saying he’s siding with Laura against Jordan. Why the hell is Ronnie still playing this dumb hand? He tells them he regrets not putting Russell up, but there was absolutely nothing stopping him.
Ronnie is like a poker player who bluffs at the pot, gets called, bluffs again, gets called, and then tries to bluff again. Dude, you’re going to get called, and you’re going to lose the hand, so just fold your damn cards already.
Laura, smarter than everyone in the house combined, calls out Russell and Ronnie and exposes Ronnie for his utter stupidity and the fact that he’s been lying to everyone.
Ronnie’s only defense is to say he won’t be put on the spot, but he is, and while he keeps repeating his name and rank, everyone else agrees that Ronnie is a total liar and everyone hates him.
He even gets Russell and Laura to bond over the fact that Ronnie is a huge damn liar. Ronnie tries to deflect the fight by saying Laura threw Jordan under the bus. Laura admits it, and the focus turns right back to Ronnie. Wow, Ronnie is so damn screwed, and I love, love, LOVE Laura.
Like a scared little boy, Ronnie hides in his room. Big Brother orders him to go to the Diary Room, and everyone is waiting outside to attack him. HAHAHAHA, SUCK IT, RONNIE!!!
Russell taunts Ronnie by just badgering him nonstop. It’s a total douche move, but since Ronnie is so terrible, I’m OK with this otherwise unacceptable verbal torture. It’s actually so insane that it’s funny, because Russell just keeps poking and prodding Ronnie, knowing there’s nothing the nerd can do.
Ronnie cries because he’s all alone and nobody likes him, but this is one of those situations where he built his own house, now he needs to live in it.
Chenny talks to the HGs, and Natalie explains that everyone is united in the house against one common enemy. I don’t think one HG has ever been such a huge outcas in the history of Big Brother.
Chen-a-Len-a-Ding-Dong has a one-on-one with HoH Ronnie and she wants to know why Ronnie has been playing so stupidly/. He claims he’s solid in his relationship with Jessie and Natalie. Ronnie thinks his time locked in his room was designed to earn sympathy, and he believes five other HGs are on his side.
Jordan, dumb as ever, gives an annoying speech, and Laura is smart, poised and basically my favorite HG around. How the hell did Lady McBoobies become so awesome?
Live Eviction Vote!
Jeff votes to evict…LAURA.
Jessie votes to evict…LAURA.
Natalie votes to evict…JORDAN. Ooh, intrigue!!!
Casey votes to evict…LAURA.
Russell votes to evict…LAURA.
Kevin votes to evict…LAURA. Boo, that seals her fate.
Lydia votes to evict…LAURA.
Chima votes to evict…LAURA.
Michele votes to evict…LAURA.
By a vote of 8-1, Laura is evicted from the Big Brother house. Well, that sucked.
Laura is fine with leaving, because she was able to take Ronnie down as she went down. She also thinks the rest of the HGs are a bunch of idiots if they don’t evict Ronnie next week. Uh oh, given the general stupidity level of the HGs, I’m scared.
Ronnie acts like a douche in closing and leaves a message saying if Laura hadn’t exposed him, she’d still be around. That’s a lie, because there was no way Laura wasn’t going home.
Head of Household Competition:
Chenpuns it up with some awful bee puns. There’s a weird honeycomb formation and the HGs must use a weird see saw skee ball ramp to launch a ball into the pot, and whoever gets the most points wins.
Michelle gets 4 points
Jessie gets 6 points
Kevin gets 5 points
Natalie gets 2 points
Lydia gets 1 point
Russell gets 5 points
Chima gets 3 points
Jordan gets 3 points
Jeff gets 6 points
Casey gets 1 point
It’s a tie between Jessie and Jeff, two of the athletes, but on opposite sides. It’s time for a tie-breaker.
Jessie gets 6 points
Jeff gets 1 point
OH GOD!!! JESSIE IS HOH AGAIN
Why? Why? There is no God. I said it last week, but now I’m even more certain. Jessie is the HoH for a second week, which means more of his insufferable nonsense. At least it means Jeff is safe.
Jessie acts like a douchebag, as expected, and then the Chenster gets Casey to cry by mentioning the fact that his little son recently turned1.