Are you the type of Bachelorette fan who likes to watch the romantic magic and muscled male specimens revealed before your very eyes? Well then you best stop reading now, because this article contains three weeks worth of spoilers on Emily Maynard’s journey from lonely single mom to nationally adored MILF and (maybe?) happy bride-to-be. You’ve been alerted.
You ravenous spoiler hounds have probably already read some of these details — but not all in one place, and not with my commentary. For the rest of us, let’s see what we can see about Emily Maynard’s stint as the newest Bachelorette, starting with the guys who aspire to be the Ken to her Barbie…
Reality Steve has photos and details for six Bachelorette contestants, some of whom seem like real keepers, such as:
- Ryan, who owns a gym in Georgia and played a lot of football. Hunky.
- Aaron, a CUTE science teacher in California. Likes kids, likes learning, likes beer … what’s not to like?
But already some of these guys are coming off as real d-bags and creepos, like:
- Travis, who apparently once tried to pitch a reality show with his ex-fiance called Chasin’ Dreams with Lauren and Travis. HAHAHAHA. No, Travis. No.
- Kalon, who has the stupid first name of a villain in a Lifetime Original Movie, and is described as “a model, Houston socialite, and basically this season’s male version of Erica Rose,” so he is almost definitely a spoiled, egomaniacal nightmare whose only true love is for attention. Can’t wait.
- Jef, who owns a charitable bottled water company, so I’m tempted to forgive that missing F that should be in his name. Maybe he donated it to charity? But then I saw this thing about how a girl “broke his heart” so Jef tore her bed apart? But he was smiling while he did it? And also looks a little too much like The Weatherman? Oh, no. Too many questions. And too few Fs where they should be.
Wetpaint also has scoop on a couple other contestants: One named Chris, a sales manager in Chicago, and another named Doug, a realtor, philanthropist and father from Tacoma.
THE FIRST NIGHT (March 14):
Bachelor producer Robert Mills and creator Mike Fleiss were tweeting during Emily’s first night of filming at the mansion that the crew rented in North Carolina, and shared details about Emily’s initial cocktail party with her 25 suitors. Here are the highlights from their all-night tweet-a-thon:
- “Emily looks stunning. Her dress is gold.“ – Robert Mills
- “There is an homage to Marty McFly. I am DYING for you all to see it!!”– Mills
- “It feels like the circus has come to town her. 50 locals have been trying to get into where we are.” – Mills
- “Emily just told one of the guys he walks like he’s on a runway. Not sure I’d want to hear that…” – Mike Fleiss
- “Emily Maynard just said “I believe in love and fabulous shoes’” – Mills
- “Emily just spoke a little Spanish to a guy from limo #2. Not sure what she said, but she sure looked cute!” – Fleiss
- “One of the guys just said “This is just like ‘Rudy'”. Um, in what way??” – Mills
- “Emily just walked into the party. The guys are blinded by beauty...” – Fleiss
- “The real-life version of The Vow is unfolding right before our eyes…” – Fleiss
- “Bold move by one of the guys. Slightly cringe-inducing, but Emily seemed to dig it…” – Fleiss
- “Prediction: no first kiss for Emily til end of ep. 2, at the earliest…” – Fleiss
- “Night One was a big success. Emily Maynard is one happy bachelorette! Thank you, #Bachelornation!!!” – Fleiss
FIRST 1-ON-1 DATE:
Emily’s first date of the season went to muscled gym owner Ryan Bowers. Emily and Ryan shared an intimate dinner (if you don’t count the crowd gathered outside to take photos of them) at Osso Restaurant, and a romantic dance in front of a rowdy and admiring crowd at a concert by country-music band Gloriana at the N.C. Music Factory. Ryan clearly had a rose on his lapel — Emily’s symbol that he gets to stay another week. The camera-wielding women in the crowd can be heard saying of Ryan, “I’d tap that” and “If she don’t choose you, I’ll choose you.” Good on ya, sisters.
FIRST GROUP DATE:
The very next night, Emily took 13 men to the Booth Playhouse at the Blumenthal Performing Arts Center in uptown Charlotte for a fun play-date with none other than the Muppets! Reality Steve collected details from audience members at the performance, and pieced together this account (highlights below):
- There were 13 total guys on the date, but three didn’t perform in any of the acts.
- Act 1: “Five guys in tuxedos dancing with Emily and Miss Piggy.“
- Act 2: Two guys did a stand-up routine with Fozzy Bear (“apparently was not very funny,” says RS).
- Act 3: Kermit the Frog and Emily had a one-on-one, until Miss Piggy joined in when Emily went to kiss Kermit. Then they they brought Emily’s daughter Ricki up on stage to meet Kermit and the three of them sang “Rainbow Connection.”
- Act 4: “Live with Miss Piggy”: A Q&A between three of the guys and Miss Piggy. MP asked a guy named Charlie (“not sure who he is yet” – RS) to show off his “sexy” dance, so he brought Emily up on stage for a lap dance. Aaron the science teacher gave Emily a romantic poem off the top of his head: “Roses are red, violets are blue, Emily Maynard I want to get to know you.” Then MP asked Jef Holm “to show her his proposal,” so “he proposed to Miss Piggy. And they fornicated on stage so they could start producing piglets.”
- Act 5: The President/CEO of Levine Children’s Hospital came on stage to announce they’d raised $20,000 for the Ricky Hendrick charity, and everyone sang “Rainbow Connection” with the audience — “including Chris Harrison.”
- “Emily’s mother and Ricki did not stick around for the whole show. Ricki never interacted with any of the guys. For all she knew, she was just there to see a show that the Muppets were a part of. Her mom and Ricki left after Ricki went on stage.”
SECOND 1-ON-1 DATE:
Emily took contestant Chris on what has become a Bachelor(ette) essential: The fear date! They started by scaling the side of the Mint Museum Uptown (see photos of their climb here). According to the Charlotte Observer, “It took them about 10 minutes to reach the top. Onlookers clapped as they climbed over the roof’s edge.” From there, says Reality Steve, the two shared a rooftop dinner on the same building, and then danced at a private concert by musician Luke Bryan. See video of their slow dance here. RS says, “Chris did receive a rose on this date and also got a kiss on the lips. No makeout though.”
Details are slimmer on Emily’s two more recent dates, but here’s what RS had to spill:
- Emily took her next one-on-one suitor to the Greenbriar Resort in Sulphur Springs, West Virginia, where they helicoptered in, had dinner and watched a fireworks show.
- Her next group date, “by all accounts,” took place at Sky High Sports in Pineville, NC, which is essentially a building full of trampolines. That ought to be a fun one to watch.
After a couple weeks in her home state, RS reports that Emily and her remaining suitors flew to Bermuda this past weekend. There, reports the Bermuda Sun, the cast and crew are staying at the Rosewood Tucker’s Point Resort, where they will engage in “various water activities around the island during the course of filming” this week.
And speaking of going international, looks like Ben and Courtney are still going strong, this week in Puerto Vallarta. It must be tough to make it work with such ugly surroundings and a demanding schedule.
Thoughts on these first Bachelorette spoilers? Are you excited to see Emily’s season when it premieres in May?
(Photos courtesy of: Cassie Lambert’s Twitter, Reality Steve, Charlotte Observer)