If this episode is half as good as the previews promised, then we are in for a real treat!
Grab your margaritas because it’s time for another episode of Bachelor in Paradise!
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Post-Rose Ceremony Emotions
We rejoin the singles in the aftermath of the rose ceremony in which Chris ceremoniously announced he was leaving, due to his bum knee. And, of course, Elise followed close behind. Anyone want to bet on how long their “relationship” lasts?
Michelle is still crying. She is just so overwhelmed at her luck to get to remain in paradise, thanks to Chris’ mercy rose offering.
The couples are now as follows: Marquel and Jackie, Zack and Clare, Graham and AshLee, Robert and Sarah, Marcus and Lacy, and Chris and Michelle. Let’s see who the producers will throw into the mix for poor, desperate (but totally likable) single mom Michelle!
But first … a date card for Robert! Of course, he chooses Sarah, even though Michelle somewhat delusionally believes she might get picked.
Michelle cries to Graham in the bathroom about how no guy wants her and it must be because she has a daughter.
Michelle’s problems only get worse in the morning when Sarah has the nerve to ask her to do her hair before her date with Robert. That’s low, Sarah.
“It’s hard for me to, like, get you ready for your date with a guy I like,” says Michelle. “But I’ll make your braid look amazing.”
Robert and Sarah
They head off on their sailboat date, with Sarah looking fabulous in her bathing suit. Robert is very attracted to Sarah’s inner strength. Sarah is attracted to how Robert isn’t afraid of the ocean.
Did I miss something or did they only show, like, two minutes of their date?
Cody Sets His Sights on Clare
It’s Cody from Andi’s season of The Bachelorette! He walks right over to the gang with a date card in hand. Cody requests Clare join him on his date.
Clare politely tells him that she is kinda sorta with Zack and needs to discuss it with him. Zack does the opposite of reassuring Clare by telling her that if the situation were reversed, whether or not he said yes would depend on which girl asked him.
There is a brief discussion about putting eggs in other’s baskets, because Clare is worried that Zack is going to break all the basket eggs she gave him. Basically, Clare is pissed.
She tries to force Zack to say that he wants her and only her, but he refuses to oblige.
Clare needs to calm down. Like Cody said, she has been with Zack for five days.
Zack confides his lady troubles in Graham, who tries to give advice about dealing with possessive women.
Clare finally tells Cody that the date is a no-go. Poor meathead Cody is crushed. So crushed that he gives up his date card to Marcus and Lacy.
Cody’s bold move of giving up the date card impresses Clare, as she wonders whether sticking with Zack was the right choice.
Marcus and Lacy
Snore. Does anyone care about this date? I do not.
As Michelle classifies the Marcus/Lacy relationship, “Marriage. Definitely. I’m sure of it.”
Thankfully, Lacy has toned down her ridiculous clown makeup that she usually wears. Marcus slips and tells Lacy he loves her. She lets it slide, but is dying to say it back.
Back at the house, a nauseous Zack tries to mend fences with Clare. “I want us to see where it could go and that’s the truth,” he tells Clare.
Clare is somewhat reluctant to let him back into her good graces so quickly, but I think it was all for show … although she does bring up that Zack gets awkward when Jackie is around. Hmmm.
As Michelle says how she hopes a new guy will show up soon, in walks Kalon from Emily’s season of The Bachelorette. Not quite who Michelle had in mind.
Everyone hates Kalon because he’s an asshole. Yet Michelle (drunkenly?) accepts his date card invitation. Beggars can’t be choosers, I guess.
The next morning, Michelle has a change of heart. She tells Kalon she can’t go on the date, out of respect for her dear friend Emily.
He tries to ask Jackie and then Sarah. Both say no. It’s kind of sad, but I guess he deserves it.
Instead of throwing the fabulous spelunking opportunity out the window, Kalon decides to go on the date by himself.
Ugh, the girls were right. He is just disgusting and offensive. Everything that comes out of his mouth is gross. I think it’s safe to say that Kalon will be heading home this week.
“This is honestly the best date I’ve ever had,” says Kalon. “I found someone that I could really spend the rest of my life with.”
Old Man Jesse Arrives
Not gonna lie, I had no clue who this dude was.
Supposedly he is “old” (32) and he’s from Jillian’s season of The Bachelorette. According to the ladies, Jesse has a reputation for being a player.
He invites Jackie on his date. She accepts and Marquel is sad.
Wah! Cry me a river, Marquel. Finally, a girl with enough sense to know that one date doesn’t mean you’re going to marry the guy.
Jesse and Jackie
Jesse knows the pressure is on because the rose ceremony is tomorrow. Jackie wonders if he is strategizing. Jackie, why would taking a girl who is “taken” on a date be a good strategy? Come on, girl.
Well, I guess it wouldn’t be an episode of the Bachelor franchise without a private concert by a no-name artist. Jesse and Jackie dance, and Jackie definitely appears open to the possibility of romance with him.
Back on the beach, Michelle finally gets a tiny bit of action. Cody massages her back, arms and hands. Damn, girl! Work it.
There’s Always Cameras
The next day, Clare lets Cody know that she is definitely off-limits for now. She and Zack are going to try to see where their relationship goes.
Meanwhile, AshLee is attempting to break up that relationship as she casually tells Zack that he should date other people because Clare had sex with Juan Pablo in the ocean when she was on The Bachelor.
Zack plays it off like it’s no big deal, but AshLee implies that Clare is a crazy hoebag. Oh, wait. There’s a camera on them? Shit. AshLee didn’t know that.
Now she is freaking out. She thought her dirty backstabbing wasn’t being filmed. AshLee now goes around telling everyone that she may have made a huge mistake by saying that while on camera.
Lacy tells Clare what AshLee said to Zack.
“I know women like this,” says Clare. “I’ve been around women like this who put other women down and try to put other women under the bus to try to make themselves look better.”
Clare tells AshLee that she needs to speak to her. Later. AshLee tries to act like she did nothing wrong as she spins the story to Jackie.
As the confrontation looms, Clare tells Zack she wishes he would have defended her. Zack informs her that he didn’t come to paradise to get involved in girl drama.
Tension builds. Everyone sits in awkward silence around a bonfire. Finally, AshLee asks Clare if they can talk.
AshLee pretends she doesn’t know why Clare is mad. Clare isn’t buying it. She tells AshLee that she had no business bringing up Juan Pablo and the ocean to Zack. It was classless and tacky. AshLee apologizes, but it is so obviously insincere.
Clare accepts the apology but refuses AshLee’s hug, leaving AshLee to walk away muttering “b*tch” under her breath.
Cocktail Party and Rose Ceremony
The ladies are handing out the roses this week, and the only wild cards are Jackie and Michelle.
Cody immediately saddles up to Michelle and tells her that he thinks they could have a better connection than what he could have had with Clare.
“The more I get to know him, the more I realize he’s a really, really good guy,” says Michelle. They smooch and I am liking these two together.
Jesse does the hard sell on Jackie to convince her to keep him. I can’t figure out if she’s more into Jesse or Marquel.
Michelle suddenly gets an itch to let Graham know that AshLee is not a great fit for him. She approaches him and finds out that he doesn’t even know what the AshLee/Clare drama was all about.
Michelle fills him in and Graham is “disturbed” by the situation. “If you can’t talk about it on camera, then are you pretending to be someone you’re not?” asks Graham.
“I want Graham to reject this rose from AshLee,” says Michelle.
The rose ceremony begins and Chris Harrison reminds us that two guys will be leaving this week.
Lacy gives her rose to Marcus. Clare gives her rose to Zack.
AshLee offers her rose to Graham. He says he needs a second and walks out of the ceremony. I swear, for a second it looked like AshLee was considering whether or not he was planning a secret marriage proposal or something. Nope! Sorry.
Michelle runs after Graham to see if he’s okay.
And then we see “TO BE CONTINUED” flash across the screen. Are you serious?! Well, at least we only have to wait until tomorrow night.
Bachelor in Paradise airs Monday nights at 8pm on ABC, with a special episode airing this Tuesday night at 8pm.
(Image courtesy of ABC)