We’re back for Cycle 22 of America’s Next Top Model, folks, and the queen of smize, Tyra Banks herself, is rocking a chic’r-than-hell pixie cut. Now, I love Tyra Banks for many reasons, but her look last season was questionable. This new do has taken ten years off our favorite Godiva and her wardrobe is just as sick. Welcome back, Queen Tyra!

Last week a horde of wannabes were whittled down to just 22 hopefuls for the third guys and gals cycle and it looks like there is as much fantastic gorgeousness as there is certifiable craziness. Rejoining Tyra at the judging table are the invaluable Miss J., the acerbic though disgustingly brilliant Miss Kelly Cutrone, and the terrorizing Yu Tsai. Buckle your seat belts, boys and girls, cycle 22 looks like it’s going to be a roller coaster ride. This is the final episode before the big cut to find out who really gets to compete on this cycle of America’s Next Top Model

Meet the Models of America’s Next Top Model Cycle 22 >>>

HGTV’s Hot Property Brothers Challenge the Models

Former models themselves (go figure, right?), Jonathan & Drew Scott from HGTV’s Property Brothers, are on board to give the models a tour of the mansion they themselves designed for cycle 22. The fun house includes a fabulous kitchen, a runway and, the jewel of the floor plan … The Tyra Suite … which must be earned before inhabited.

The Scotts also point out that there are 22 models and only 14 beds, which starts everyone clamoring for their own mattress space. As the models monkey pile we get to see video journal comments where the models begin dissing on their roommates. 

New in the house that the Scotts built is a posing station complete with a mirror and a camera with which the models can practice their poses.

First Challenge: Head-to-Head Competition in the Posing Station

Yu Tsai and Miss J. arrive at the mansion to introduce the very first challenge. The models are called out in sets of two to compete while doing poses on the fly. The winners of each pair then have to compete again until there is only one man, er, model standing. 

The two finalists are Mame and Ava. Whomever wins the final head-to-head gets to stay in the Tyra Suite. The challenge: “Tummy Ache Tooch.” What? To “tooch” is to stick your booty out in a sexy but not slutty way. Mame wins and can’t wait to get into that Tyra Suite. Though Mame admits that she would choose Justin if she were to pick a male pillow pal, but she ended up choosing India. Ava swears that she will get that room next. How do you get the room? You have to have first call-out from your photo shoot. That’s how.

Hadassah Calls a House Meeting

Devin gets on people’s nerves. Mikey tells his video journal that he’s horny as hell and then proceeds to make offers to any girl who catches his eye. Hadassah calls a house meeting to alert everyone to her personal preferences: No burping, no drinking out of the bottle (I’m with her on this one), no awkward tension and no staring at her from afar. What? Way to make friends, girlie girl. Already she is labeled as “high maintenance” and no one likes her. Truly this was a staged dramatic scene, no?

Lacey Confronts Hadassah

All through Hadassah’s diatribe about what she will and will not tolerate, Lacey’s eyes roll to the back of her head. Baby girl is about to blow. Finally, Lacey calmly tells Hadassah how she feels. Hadassah calls her young and offers some unwelcome advice. Lacey decides her best strategy is to stay away from the Black Barbie. 

Cast Poster Hashtag Photo Shoot

Kelly Cutrone shows up with Yu to announce that the first photo shoot will be with placards announcing each model’s twitter hashtag. The models are to choose their #FiercestBodyPart which they will cover with that black placard. Other than their #Placard they will only be wearing thongs. Yikes.

Photographers on deck are Massimo Campana, the same guy who shot the tour bud photos in the premiere, and Erik Asla, an international fashion photographer who has shot Tyra on numerous occasions. 

Alexa Decides She Has Had Enough

Before the photo shoots even begin, Alexa, the 23-year-old fake-breasted, married, blonde decides having roommates is really asking too much of her and bawls like a toddler. After an ineffectual pep talk from Yu, Alexa decides to pack it in and goes home. Perhaps her hashtag should have been #GetSomeBackbone

As for the photo shoots, here’s how it goes: Lacey kills it. Hadassah struggles. Ava is a little hoochie mama. Maleessa has the best proportions. Courtney needs more confidence. Bello is active and easy to photograph. Devin is cuckoo and ends up crying about his critique from Yu. (Seriously? Is this going to go down in history as the Waterworks Cycle? Okay, it is stressful. My bad.)

Bello and Devin (Almost) Come to Blows

Bello gets right up in Devin’s face back at the mansion. He says Devin was faking the crying bit and was disrespectful to everyone in the house by gossiping. What? Well, I guess quite a bit has been edited out of the version of the episode America got to see. Devin does seem like a drama queen, that much has been made clear by the editing. Bello is a strange looking voodoo daddy dude himself, but it’s clear he has a point as several models have already expressed their irritation with Devin. 

The Judges Debate the Remaining 21 Models

Tyra, Miss J, Yu and Kelly gather to discuss the photo shoot results and have comments about everyone. 

Mame has a beautiful face and an incredible body, but her angles are questionable. Justin is beautiful, cool and edgy. Delanie is gorgeous and curvy — va-va-voom — that girl’s “got some ass,” says Tyra. Nyle is the real deal, according to Yu, but Kelly is concerned that his deafness could be a problem on set. Maleessa, the most diminutive model at five-foot-nothing is not one of Kelly’s favorites, but Tyra loves her due to her perfect proportions. Mikey is rock and roll, but Miss J thinks he looks like a criminal (and if he doesn’t get laid soon he may implode). Courtney is gorgeous in photos, but scary in person because of her grill and Kelly wonders how they can get her from the door-to the floor with clients. 

Dallas has frog legs and everyone is impressed with his spread. Of all the guys, I personally appreciate Dallas’ physique the most. Ashley is timeless and super gorgeous. Dustin is too vanilla — too middle America — but with beautiful almond eyes. Lacey is great, but may be too sweet for the fashion industry. Hadassah is like an absolutely beautiful Ethiopian Princess, but too pagent-y and Kelly calls her arrogant. Bryant is a cheesy underwear model. Ava is gorgeous with cheekbones for days. Bello is a “bitch in invisible heels” and Kelly says he’s a train wreck. Devin is bizarro and probably not going to make any money with his modeling (though he is already signed with a couple of modeling agencies). Kelly says his fascinating. Stefano – Kelly loves him – Tyra loves his lips – and Miss J. says he poses like a girl. 

NEXT Management’s Alexis Borges Takes The Models to Frightening Heights

After the deliberations Tyra says they’ve made a decision, but no announcements are made. What? Maybe that’s because they’ve already lost a model this time round. Instead of a cut the episode moves immediately to introducing the next challenge. 

In a shipyard the next morning, Alexis Borges of NEXT Management is introduced to the models. The next challenge is a see-through catwalk suspended way up in the sky by a crane. Some of the models freak over the height and others are energized by it. 

Then the curtain falls. No model cut yet! We have to wait until next week for that, boys and girls. 

America’s Next Top Model airs Wednesdays at 8pm on The CW. 

(Images Courtesy of The CW)

Catherine Cabanela

Contributing Writer, BuddyTV