August 14 will forever be known as the night America’s Got Talent went to the birds (and by “forever,” I mean until Wednesday at roughly 2pm). Just one bird, actually. As if the hockey-like season wasn’t long enough, we were treated to a YouTube-Snapple crapfest in our post-Olympic return to live performances.
Tuesday marked exactly three months and 22 episodes since the premiere, and for the better part of two hours, the best act was a cockatoo named Kitten who flew from the top a building and through the audience to trainer Clint Carvalho. When a gust of wind can blow a door shut and not only derail your act, but also threaten your talent’s life, something tells me the act is lacking a bit. Or maybe that’s just the danger of it.
Carvalho even touted the “Evel Knievel” of birds as “freefalling” 130-feet to start the trick. Um, Clint, the bird has wings. It’s not like we’re hoping a parachute opens. It’s a bird, for crying out loud, which makes the whole “plummeting to earth” thing a bit less suspenseful. And is it supposed to be ironic that the bird is named after something that eats birds?
Dancers to the Rescue
Thankfully, the dance act Academy of Villains saved the night with a masterful routine to cap the show. But everything else was the meat in the poop sandwich. I hate to paint such a vulgar mental picture, but it’s the best way to describe what we watched. Right around air guitarist Romeo Dance Cheetah (yup, that was his name) is when I wondered what else I could’ve done with my night.
A Goofball with Snakes
The acts were so bad that Eric Buss, a goofball who dressed like a composer and shot trick worms out of cans to classical music, was the fourth best act until Academy of Villains bumped him. I admit I chuckled a good amount during Buss’ performance, but only because it was ridiculous. Instead, I put a magician who does birthday party tricks as the fourth best act.
Yup, Puck and his dancing handkerchief will probably be moving on to join the other 16 semifinalists that actually earned their spots, while many others that deserve to be there will have to hope for a spot in the wildcard show. The one thing this week will accomplish is offering first-round fodder for the other semifinalists to ensure they get to perform more than once.
Here are my rankings and a bit of commentary on each of the YouTube acts.
1. Academy of Villains – Far and away better than any other act we saw.
2. Clint and Kitten – Entertaining, but like Stonehenge. If you’ve seen it once, you never have to see it again.
3. Bria Kelly – Country music singer with a good voice, but still a bit green and needs more confidence on stage.
4. Puck – His dancing handkerchief gets him through, but he needs bigger tricks to have a shot.
5. Eric Buss – At least he had personality and was fun. But the trick worms (which again, made me laugh like a kid) aren’t going to cut it.
6. Cast in Bronze – The music was good, but the guy was weird, weird, weird. I can’t believe I ranked a guy who got three Xs in sixth.
7. 7 in Unison – The only thing going for them was that they were, in fact, in unison.
8. Reverses Order – Rock band chose to cover Katy Perry. Yep, you read that right.
9. Drew Erwin – Singer and YouTube contest winner who chose to cover Natalie Imbruglia. Yep, you read that right.
10. Rudy Coby – The fact that two people were worse then this guy just shows you how bad the acts were. At least his final trick was somewhat cool, but he interjected scary clowns and a plastic machete to cheesy Devo music. All to make “a nightmare come to life.” Mission accomplished.
11. Melinda Hill – Comics are supposed to be funny. She was just glad Romeo Dance Cheetah went after her.
12. Romeo Dance Cheetah – A…I…R…G…U…I…T…A…R…I…S…T. Liked the song choice though.
So what do you think? Am I being too hard on the YouTube acts? Or were you, like me, wishing the Olympics were still on? Do you think any of them, outside of Academy of Villains, has a chance to do anything in the semifinals?
(Image courtesy of NBC)