Tonight’s America’s Got Talent takes us to New York for one last time. Since we are still in the audition stages, we will undoubtedly have to suffer through many no-talent hacks who just want their three seconds of fame, such as 49-year-old Perry Zanett who dresses up like the Burger King and recites Shakespeare. He gets immediately booed off the stage, and the judges give him three X’s right away.
We get few more crazies, such as a guy in an inflatable theater, another guy who goes by Sweet-Lou who attempts to “sing,” and a whole circus full of freaks doing…something.
There’s a mildly amusing Indian man who demonstrates presidential hand shadows. His Bill Clinton and John F. Kennedy are actually pretty good. It’s good enough to garner a yes from each of the three judges.
Another contestant named XL introduces us to his wife and infant child backstage, and there’s loads of sappy music playing, so you know this is someone to root for. Sure enough, when he gets on stage, with his hat sitting jauntily on his head just so, he wows the crowd with a crooning ballad. David Hasselhoff watches with rapt attention. The judges unanimously invite him to Vegas.
I guess that’s it for New York because the America’s Got Talent auditions zoom across the country back to L.A. There’s a gagle of white-clad cowgirls from deep in the heart of Texas. They are a “precision dance team,” whatever that is. The Hoff seems to have a good time watching their high kicks, but I am bored to tears. Anyone on America’s Best Dance Crew, even Sass x7, would wipe the floor with them. Only the Hoff is pleased with their performance; Sharon Osbourne votes no, and Piers Morgan votes yes only after delivering some criticism. But I guess we’ll see them in Vegas anyway.
Oh no, there’s a kid onstage now. A 10-year-old mophead hip hops his way to Vegas, as do a bunch of other dance troupes. (Jerry Springer finds himself in the middle of a group of buxum, Lycra-clad dancers.)
A store assistant who goes by the name Ronny B embarrasses himself on national television by singing and dancing to Lionel Ritchie. Inexplicably, we are forced to watch his entire dog and pony show. Piers finds something weirdly entertaining about him, and he gets shooed to Vegas.
Ooh, this is interesting. There’s a rather rubish father-son team performing a “kiss of death” with a live cobra. Sharon makes all kinds of faces while watching the father lick the snake on the head. Bored now. Piers hits the nail on the head when he says that it would only be entertaining if the father actually died.
A ventriloquist aspiring to be the next Terry Fator shows up on stage, preceded by tinkly, sappy piano music. He starts his act with an audience volunteer, and has the Hoff in stitches. Personally, I don’t see the appeal of ventriloquism, and this guy isn’t funny enough to make me overlook his flapping lips. Somehow, he is invited to continue on in America’s Got Talent.
Forty-year-old single mom Emily is auditioning for America’s Got Talent tonight to fulfill her lifelong dream of singing after a lifetime of hardship. I hope she’s good, after the intro she’s getting. She sings Aretha Franklin’s “Chain of Fools,” and happily, she does not suck. She is the best performer of tonight’s America’s Got Talent audition episode.
-Debbie Chang, BuddyTV Staff Writer
(Image courtesy of NBC)