I was so set on Bill and Sookie ending up together, I didn't really consider the possibility that Bill might not want
to survive Hep V. As I've previously stated before
, Sookie infecting Bill was the perfect way to bring them together. And they totally did
get back together! Sookie felt guilty about infecting Bill, and with death looming around the corner, her opinion of Bill and their rocky relationship softened. But now that Sookie is trying to cure him, he is seemingly shirking from the possibility of living. What's up with that?
Is Bill Done with Being a Vampire?
Okay, so Bill has experienced more visions of his past life than ever before. He was dreaming of his wife and kids even before he realized he was sick, so his longing for Caroline and his kids isn't just sickness-induced. The flashback to that precious moment with his daughter and the photograph showed how he misses being a father. The scene that depicted the first time Bill and his wife met was sweet, if not a little cheesy. The love between him and Caroline did seem really genuine, and I think the True Blood
writers want to emphasize that. He may deeply care for and love Sookie, but a huge part of his heart belongs to his first love.
Additionally, Bill has always seemed to be self-loathing. Although he outwardly appears confident, we are privy to his demons. When he was with Lorena, he truly transformed into a terrible creature, brutally killing humans because it was fun. He clearly regrets his recklessness, and spends a couple seasons embodying the hyper-courteous, humanitarian vampire he thought he should be.
His character went through a gradual transformation though. His deeply-rooted self-loathing manifested in greed and just generally being an asshole. Once he became the King of Louisiana, he grew into being an unlikable character who betrays Sookie again and again. And Bill understands his grave mistakes and how badly he treated people and other vampires because of his thirst for power and recognition.
Bill generally doesn't really love himself as a vampire. From the start, he views himself as a monster. A reformed monster, but a monster nonetheless. I think after he unintentionally attacked and almost killed Sookie, he realized just how engrained his physical needs are.
Bill Also Has to Live with His Time as Billith
I feel like an integral reason Bill so easily succumbed to religion, is because of his guilt. Much like how broken individuals turn to religion, Bill also turned to religion as an answer. And so became Billith, a total megalomaniac. Clearly this season, he feels embarrassed about how badly he acted, especially towards Sookie. His time as a vampire messiah is one he can't take back.
There's Also the Issue of Baby-Making with Sookie
Bill knows he's not good for Sookie. He feels that she deserves someone good, someone who is able to be father, in case Sookie wants that (I don't think she does, though). So when he has that dream where Sookie is holding a wrapped baby blanket of black doom, I had a feeling his willingness to survive may flounder.
And they did. So will he really allow himself to meet the True Death? I'm hoping Sookie or Jessica will convince him to drink Sarah's blood, because that would kind of suck if Bill died (pun totally intended). And poor Eric and Pam are putting themselves in huge jeopardy with the Japanese cowboys. Maybe they'll get caught, Sookie will be captured, and Bill will realize he needs to live to save her. What do you think? Can I just go back in time and write the finale for True Blood?
Catch an all new episode of True Blood this Sunday at 9pm on HBO.
(Image courtesy of HBO)