'The Real Housewives of New Jersey' Recap: No H8
'The Real Housewives of New Jersey' Recap: No H8
Gia's been in a bad mood since the field day (and probably before), and Teresa can not figure out why. Maybe she's learning from her mom and her uncle. Or maybe she's getting her period, and Teresa is denying that that could be possible. Either way, the episode starts out with a healthy dose of precocious little Milania, which is always welcome. Gia keeps texting, and I'm with Milania that her phone should be taken away. She's 10?

Teresa assumes Gia's attitude has to do with her, and all the Housewife drama that's going on. I don't think that's true. First Milania, now Rosie? What a great episode. Rosie visits Kathy for some family talk and sharing. We hear a little more about Rosie coming out to her family, and she's about to come out to her niece and nephew.

Melissa and Joe pull up to an old castle-looking house. "Do we own this?" she asks him. It turns out they do, and this one is giving Melissa the horror-movie-willies. Adorably, she pretends to be in a scary movie, and Joe has no idea what she is doing. Joe mentions that he feels bad about the family feud, and he's willing to see a therapist with Teresa. Let's turn this haunted relationship into a luxury apartment building.

Kim D. visits Teresa (with her tacky "Diva" wine glasses) to get her fake boobs out in the sun. Teresa receives Joe's therapy suggestion text right as she and Kim sit down. It was a nice text, but Kim D. encourages Teresa to be skeptical. "We're old school Italians, we don't go to therapy," Teresa says. Kim tells her she doesn't need the help. It's great to have friends who will enable your delusions!

Rich and Jaimie, Caroline's brother and his partner, are getting married! The dress code for guests is pastels and hats, like the Royal Wedding! I would love to see Caroline Manzo in Princess Beatrice's hat. Everyone is going to this thing. Teresa and Jacqueline compare outfits, and Teresa mentions that Joe thinks they should "see a physical therapist." Teresa insists she's fine with Joe and they don't need to see a therapist.

At lunch, with Victoria and Joseph, Rosie tells her story and comes out to them. Joseph asks about gaydar. It was a sweet and touching moment, and might just make up for any upcoming insensitivity from Juicy Joe at this gay wedding. And sure enough, Juicy Joe wants to go shirtless and in flip-flops. Cue the montage of Joe's homophobia in previous episodes!

The buzz around the wedding attendees is that Dina's not going. Is this because she's filming an episode of Dina's Party or whatever that show on HGTV is? Apparently Teresa and Caroline have gotten into a mess surrounding Dina.

While the Manzos et. all are Chicago bound, the Wakiles and Gorgas are spending the weekend at the Shore. Rich hired some hot party girls to set up for the party and he claims it was for Rosie, but Rosie isn't interested if they don't swing that way.

In the Windy City Limo, we find out that Teresa is scared of dogs. She has "sweet blood" so she "always gets bitten." What! The dogs don't bite her when they all arrive, which is good because she needs to focus all her energy on understanding their "tree of life" concept home.

Let the Giudice oblivion parade commence! Juicy Joe tells Rich & Jaimie about "the gayest thing he ever did," which involved him and another guy taking their penises out "like a couple a gays," and measuring them. He relishes this story. Then Teresa doesn't seem to be aware that Caroline is pissed at her.

Now it's time for awkwardness surrounding gay people at the Jersey Shore. Kathy's friend Heather, and her husband, stop by for the party and Rosie mentions that Heather is attractive. So of course, they position Rosie close to Heather whenever possible. Why, I'm not sure. Maybe because Heather wants to be a new Jersey Housewife? She enjoys the attention.

Joe Gorga tells Rich he asked Teresa about therapy and she hasn't responded. Later, Heather flirts with Rosie and Joe takes his pants off in the street. True to the classic Jersey Shore party, everyone piles in the hot tub. Heather wears a tiny bikini, and throws herself at Rosie. Who is this awful woman?

Nevermind her, back to Chicago. Another Windy City Limo ride brings more awkwardness as Joe accuses an un-smiling Greg of farting because "he's probably got the loosest butthole here." That is not cute, Joe, and you shouldn't be laughing at that, Teresa. I hope he "goes away" for a long, long time.

"I am a ticking bomb," Caroline says, regarding her feelings toward Teresa. But she will not allow the Giudices to ruin her brother's wedding. We'll see what happens at the wedding next week, and some other tabloid sh*t is going down.

(images courtesy of Bravo)




 


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