Teresa is taking pictures for her new cookbook, "Fabulicious." The pictures are not coming out so fabulicious, though. But Teresa can't help that she looks dead in the eyes in every picture. They got the shot!
Kathy and Rich worry that their daughter, Victoria, may be ready to live life a little too fabuliciously. Well, Kathy is worried. Rich is in denial. God forbid VIctoria turn out like Ashley, though. At 20, she's having shots in Hoboken. But it's cool, she's at the bar to meet her estranged father.
Melissa is still tender about Teresa's commentary on her blossoming singing career. To be fair, Melissa does a pretty good Teresa impression. Melissa's sisters went to a medium, who contacted their deceased father. The medium also said that Melissa would be successful with whatever it is she's doing. Melissa doesn't believe in "medians" but this message really touched her.
Caroline has lost weight through "healthy eating" (lap band surgery?) and she's getting rid of clothes. This makes Lauren feel bad about her weight. Poor Lauren, she just can't get it together this season. Lauren admits that she doesn't feel good about herself.
So Ashley has given up on her Sex and the City dream, and is "looking into California." For no practical reason. Jacqueline asks her to consider reality, which Ashley does not want to hear. She wants a fresh start, with her fresh new car.
Victoria is becoming a woman, so she's shopping for a dress for the junior formal. Boys will expect certain things from girls at that age! A form-fitting dress prompts The Talk, which happens right in the dress shop. Oh, Kathy.
Melissa's producers show up, ready to work in her at-home studio. So, let's make "On Display" a hit. Melissa's nervous, and it's not going SUPER well. Joe insists that Melissa try harder to turn him on in the studio. Ah, that's the ticket.
Caroline makes Lauren her workout buddy, so they go to Crunch Gym or whatever to prove that it was healthy eating and exercise and not lap band surgery that got Caroline to her current weight. Caroline gives up first, as Jacqueline, Lauren, Greg, and Albie continue to hit the bag.
Ashley's two sets of parents meet for lunch (or an intervention), to which Ashley is late. Everyone is frustrated with her. Oh, and Ashley's dad, Matt? Total badass. While waiting, they discuss the possibility of roughing Ashley around a bit. It seems satisfying.
After ordering, the parents ask Ashley what her plans are. Ashley says she wants to go to "makeup school," and she wants to go to California. She has no idea how expensive LA is. Chris suggests working toward getting her own place in LA, but Ashley doesn't like that option. Matt continues to be a total badass. They suggest that Ashley act like she gives a sh*t.
In her discomfort, Ashley lashes out against Jacqueline. "I'm 20 and I don't have a kid," Ashley says, confirming Jacqueline's fleeting thought that she wishes she'd never had Ashley. Jacqueline yells at disrespectful Ashley, and the guy in the booth behind them turns around, concerned. Ashley responds by laughing, which is probably the most infuriating thing she could do.
Jacqueline walks off, and Ashley gets defensive. How does Ashley not understand that Jacqueline didn't get to have her 20's BECAUSE OF HER? How completely frustrating. Your biological mother choosing to keep you is not a burden, Ashley. Jesus.
TO BE CONTINUED! Too much Ashley drama for one episode! Is Ashley getting kicked out? I hope so. (image courtesy of Bravo)