Tonight: 10 bachelors remain in the pursuit of Jillian Harris's heart, and they are off to Whistler Ski Resort in British Columbia for a week of chilly fun with Jilli.
Oh, and the girlfriend drama continues. But after a week of reasoning myself in angry circles and unsuspending my disbelief into a mess of bitter, jaded declarations from atop a paradoxical "what has become of reality TV nowadays?" soapbox that no one enjoyed reading and I hated myself after writing, I decided I'm through with investigating the girlfriend thing, even if Jillian isn't. The mythical girlfriend ain't who I care about. Give me my modern fairytale romance and happy ending! That's what I came for. And that's what we'll get, according to present day Jillian, who keeps popping up happy as a Canadian clam in interviews, talking about how peachy her life is now. So, let's re-suspend our collect disbelief upon a star, makes no difference who the liars/cheaters are.
Besides, let's all remember that this is the guy who started this "girlfriend" rumor:
Tanner P., giving "foot-in-mouth disease" a whole new meaning since 2009.
For those of us who live lifetimes in our weeks, or who sometimes feel like Drew Barrymore in
50 First Dates even though we don't have short-term memory loss, and it's just that we're just forgetful, or have a lot going on, or sometimes drink too much on the weekends, let's review the remaining contenders:
Ed, 29, technology consultant from Chicago, IL.
Jake, 31, commercial pilot from Dallas, TX.
Jesse, 27, wine maker from Carmel Valley, CA.
Kiptyn, 31, business developer from Encinitas, CA.
Mark, 26, pizza entrepreneur from Denver, CO.
Michael, 25, break dance instructor from Astoria, NY.
Reid, 30, realtor from Philadelphia, PA.
Robby, 25, bartender from Spring, TX.
Tanner P., 30, financial analyst from Dallas, TX.
Wes, 32, musician from Austin, TX.
This week begins with Jillian still reeling from the rumors about girlfriends and hidden agendas. She sounds like she believes the rumors, and she vows to put on her detective hat and find some answers. (But I wouldn't hold my breath or anything.)
The 10 guys and she are headed to Whistler, a place so beautiful that I've heard anecdotally that it makes you want to quit your day job and become a ski bum forever. No Chris Harrison in sight (Couldn't send him to Whistler? ABC budget cuts?) so Jill reveals that she'll have two 1 on 1 dates and a group date this week.
The first 1 on 1 goes to Manic Michael, who bounces around like a hamster on cocaine. Little Mikey thinks he likes Jillian "the most" out of all the guys, so much that he "could sit in a room with her and eat spaghetti" and be happy. Actually, that sounds like an amazing date to me, but I'm a chubby blogger who is afraid of heights. And of course we all know they'll be up in the air in some way on their date. Happens every time.
Anywho, Jillian admits that she almost let Michael go at the last rose ceremony, which seems a little rude, don'tcha think? Like if you asked a girl out and she said, "Well, my gut told me no, but then I thought more about it, and... okay. But only for the free dinner."
Mike and Jilli go ziplining, which is apparently about "commitment." Huh. I thought it was about strapping yourself to a wire and letting gravity do its thing. Jill then says Michael reminds her of a puppy, which is an apt metaphor, given that he seems bent on jumping and humping all over the place. They strap in for a tandem zip, and Mike recommends they "try this later in the bedroom." What? Like a sex swing? Keepin' it classy, Mike. Luckily, Jillian laughs. They have lovey dovey bonding time over hot chocolate, and then reconvene for dinner in a massive wine cellar, where a very, very French man teaches them how to "saber" a bottle of champagne.
At the hotel, Worst (Wes), Rob the Blob (now his name because he is apparently unemployed), Kiptynite (Ugh, I know this nickname is cheesy, but I just cannot help myself), the Pedi-phile, Beefcake Jake, Chandler BING! (Reid), The Pizza Guy (Mark), and Big Head Ed. The invite says, "Let's call it a snow day," but I'm guessing Jillian doesn't want to sit at home playing Nintendo and doing the homework you were supposed to do the night before. All of this means that Gentle Jesse gets the other 1 on 1.
Back in the cellar, Maniac Mike tells Jilli, "I am a cheesy ass helpless romantic, fall in love if a girl kisses me on the mouth, kind of guy." She apparently likes this trait. He then plays Renee Zellweger to her Jerry Maguire ("You had me at the breakdancing!") and she gives him the rose. They then hug like BFFs, not lovers.
At the hotel, some of the guys talk about the girlfriend thing: Tanner is there, but he just sits there awkwardly as the rest cluelessly wonder who said what. Someone postulates that whoever said the rumor just made it up, and by "made it up," he means "was told by the producers to say that," which is possible, and by "possible," I mean "true." Tanner tells the camera he wants to talk to Jillian and tell her that Wes is the guy with a girlfriend. Or is just on the show for his music. No one can really decide which it is, but that apparently doesn't matter. What matters is that Wes is the worst, so just get him out of there.
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