The Bachelorette Recap: Putting the "Ed" in "Deflated" (Page 3/3)
Meghan Carlson
Meghan Carlson
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
They go to meet Ed's parents, Judy and Rick. Jill tells them all the reasons she likes Ed while Ed sits there some juicy leg to the camera in his Nair-commercial shorts. I mean... Barf-commercial shorts. Oops!

Judy takes Jill for some 1on 1 time, and Rick asks Ed, (literally) "what the hell is going on here?" Ed convinces his dad that he's doing the right thing by screwing over his workplace for maybe-love. Dad tells Jillian he likes her, but you crazy kids need to take it slow and make the right decisions. Sorry, Pop, we've got a filming schedule to keep and ring to buy! Ever heard that expression that goes: "if a tree falls in the forest, and nobody is around to hear it, did it make a sound"? Well, in this case it's "if the engagement doesn't happen on TV, and nobody gives a crap anymore, why are we paying to produce this TV show?"

But dear Ed, ABC golden boy, comeback kid, and tank-top aficionado, knows this. He says he would get engaged if Jill picked him, and he "doesn't take marriage lightly." Ed and Jill go and sit on the beach, and she gives him the the fantasy suite envelope. Now Jillian wants to [still spelling out all these hints for you!] FOCUS ON THE ROMANCE with Ed, and they enter to find a bed covered in ROSE PETALS. (All together now: "Bow-chicka-wow-BARF.")

Ed tells Jillian that he loves her, and she gets as bubbly and giggly as a butterfly drunk on champagne. (Which, incidentally, she is. The second part, anyway.) As the world's most uncomfortable camera man zooms in on their only-slightly-covered nether regions, scantily clad Ed and Jillian RUB HOT OILS ONTO EACH OTHER'S THIGHS.

My goodness. Does ABC stand for "Awkward and Baselessly Carnal"? NSFL:

yikes.jpgBut uh oh, NOT SO FAST, soft-core porn hopefuls. The light in the suite comes on. Something's wrong. They were "sunburnt and exhausted," says Jillian, and the "I want my hands to be all over you" feeling just wasn't there. Instead, they both wanted to go to sleep. Which they did, apparently. So: no "Bone Zone" for Drop Dead Ed, whom ABC desperately wants us to believe is the one who made the romance "drop dead," so to speak. But really, it looks like the thread-bare dramatic climax of this episode is the limpest thing here.

After a 20-minute chat with Chris Harrison in which she recaps the three dates that we just saw, Jill has a tough decision to make, especially given Ed's apparent failure to launch. Either the chemistry isn't there, or the pressure of the situation got to him. But WHICH?

The men have left Jillian video messages to express their final thoughts. Kiptyn's is a sort of "Right on! Let's do this!" pep talk, while Reid's is more of a "Pretty please, keep your Honey Bear [true story!]" plea for survival. Ed drops the L word a couple more times for good measure, and even a P word (proposal) to seal the deal.

It's Rose Ceremony time:
Jillian tells the men she is falling in love with all of them. (What all guys want to hear, yes?) She asks Ed if she can talk to him for a second. She asks about their "incident." He says he was having a hard time adjusting, external influences, yadda yadda yadda, so please trust him and believe him that he's got the goods to get the wood.

Jillian returns, and gives roses to: Kiptyn and Ed.

Reid has been eliminated. Poor Chanandeler Bong, he really was my favorite. But some non-televised, sane woman is sure to make him happy very soon. After a confused, tearful goodbye with Jillian, poor Reid blames himself for not saying what she wanted to hear. He thinks he was too careful, skeptical and protective of his feelings. I'm guessing by now he's got a bit of a different perspective on things, and probably a lot of phone numbers from women who wash their vegetables and dig guys who wear glasses. Go Reid!

Next week: The "Men Tell All" special, in which Wes either shows up and gets vilified, or stays home and gets vilified. And an update about Jason Mesnick and Molly Malaney, because America was just dying to know what happened with those two. We can't get enough of them! Then, in two weeks, Ed and Kiptyn join Jillian on the Big Island of Hawaii, and Ed continues to wear tank tops. Oh yeah, an someone proposes. See you then!

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-Meghan Carlson, BuddyTV Staff Writer

Image courtesy of ABC