I have all the symptoms -- a headache, nausea, sensitivity to pop songs. It's a certifiable Glee hangover, induced by tonight's episode "Blame It on the Alcohol" -- and, let's face it, most of the second season thus far. How did we get to this point where Glee's so Brady Bunch that major plot points like a gay character thinking he might be bi or straight get instigated, sorted out and wrapped up within an hour? And how did we get so Gossip Girl/90210 that we have to rely on sex and alcohol (and Ke$ha) story lines to make things seem provocative?  

Oh bother. I wish I had a four-pack o' wine coolers. Let's get to Glee-capping.

It's Alcohol Awareness Week at McKinley High School, so the kids do their duty to be aware of alcohol by throwing a party at Rachel's house while her dads are out of town. Not quite the Kitty Dukakis speaking engagement complemented by the glee kids singing about the dangers of alcohol that Principal Figgins had in mind, but hey, it's good, cheap TV -- theoretically.

It's My Party and I'll Be Cliche If I Want to and I Do Because This is Glee

Rachel's easily talked into the festivities once she realizes her life experiences are pretty lame and limited and sees that alcohol can change all of that -- and help her write better songs than an ode to her headband, naturally. 

I must say, though, that the Rachel Berry Party Train Wreck Extravaganza left a lot to be desired, but here are the highlights:

- Rachel's drink tickets and bizarre prairie dress

- Finn giving us the breakdown on the drunk girl archetypes

- Sam and Brittany's oddly super-hot kiss during Rachel's game of spin the bottle

- Blaine and Rachel's oddly super-hot (though not as hot as Sam and Brittany) kiss during spin the bottle

The next day, Blaine wakes up at Kurt's (ah! Unfortunately, nothing happened), and everyone else -- except for sober Kurt and designated driver Finn -- are hungover, but only the way you see people in movies being hungover. So Artie, naturally, whips out the Bloody Marys to cure everyone with a little hair of the dog. Nice lesson for the kids.

Then the club performs for Schue, who seemingly has nothing left to do anymore but bob his head along as the kids sing, and he's so inspired because the kids seem actually drunk as they sing about glorifying alcohol. Then we segue into a sort of weird '80s after-school special, in which the kids all say that TV commercials make alcohol seem so awesome and Schue tells them that alcohol poisoning kills about 400 people per year. 

Bi Bi Bi

So Rachel apparently has a drinking problem now as she's solo drinking and drunk-dialing Blaine to ask him out on a date, which he accepts much to the chagrin of Kurt. He tells Kurt that when he and Rachel kissed it felt good and that he isn't as sure of his sexuality as Kurt is -- and then says that Kurt is doing the same thing to him that Karofski did to Kurt (I got a little lost in his reasoning). Basically, Kurt doesn't believe in being bisexual -- he thinks it's just a layover on the way to gaytown. But does Blaine (or the Glee writers) not get that it would be hurtful to accept a date with Kurt's friend after they agreed to sort of work on a potential relationship between the two of them (Kurt and Blaine) in the V-Day episode? 

Schue-y and the Beiste

Will and Beiste go blow off some steam at a honky tonk with some booze and a duet, of course, which ends with a safe cab ride home, Beiste planting a friendly peck on Schue's lips and telling him she loves him (in totally a bro way), and Schue later drunk-grading papers and drunk-dialing Emma, which does nothing to help the stupidly Schue-horned-in story line of Sue accusing Schue of being an alcoholic at the beginning, middle and end of the episode -- what?! 

Ah, but it wasn't Emma he called after all. It was Sue -- which I'm guessing was just to support the inane story line of him being an alcoholic -- which again is only supported by the fact that Schue says he's going to quit drinking after Sue plays the drunk-dial message over the intercom for all to hear.  

Ke-Dollar-Sign-Ha

The glee club is nervous about performing at the assembly, so Rachel gives them all a shot to calm their nerves before singing their little Ke$ha-loving hearts out, which leads to this: 

And, of course, no one gets in trouble, because that daffy principal of theirs thought they were acting! (Where's the laugh track?) All's well that ends well! Geez Louise, Glee. What's happened to you?

A Kiss is Just a Kiss

And to make things especially neat and tidy, Rachel decides to kiss Blaine while she's sober to prove that they do in fact have chemistry, which she does only to have him say, "Yep! I'm gay!" Um, way to wrap up a sensitive story line, Glee. 

And now for ...


Rachel's "My Headband" sung by Rachel

I realize that I can't actually judge this song, but just so you know, I don't have high hopes for the real original songs coming up.

Human League's "Don't You Want Me" sung by Rachel and Blaine

Really cute duet. It was nice to see Rachel cut loose during a performance for once and to see Blaine performing with someone who's not a Warbler. That said, I'm not super-keen on seeing them pair up again.

Amos Milburn's "One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer" sung by Will and Coach Beiste

Love Beiste. She can do no wrong. And Schue wasn't too shabby himself. Thank goodness he's finally singing with someone more appropriate than his students.

Jamie Foxx's "Blame It on the Alcohol" sung by the glee club

Way better than the Jamie Foxx version. 'Nuff said.

Ke$ha's "Tik Tok" sung by the glee club

Way more Auto-Tuned than the Ke$ha version -- how is that even possible? But I heart Brittany, her voice and her dance moves.