Are you ready for the craziest collection of reality stars and tabloid fixtures ever? On Sunday, July 10, VH1 is premiering its newest reality series, Famous Food, where seven celebrities try to open a restaurant in 28 days, and the one who does the best job will become a partner with restaurant investment gurus The Dolce Group.



But it's not the premise that makes the show great, it's the cast. Let's look at the contestants on Famous Food.

Three 6 Mafia: Oscar-winning rappers who wrote "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp."

Ashley Dupre: The high-end call girl who slept with former New York governor Eliot Spitzer and who obviously knows a thing or two about the difficult conditions for pimps.

Danielle Staub: Former Real Housewives of New Jersey star who was famously called a "prostitution whore."

Heidi Montag: The Hills star, plastic surgery addict and wife of the World's Douchiest Man.

Jake Pavelka: Former Bachelor and Dancing with the Stars participant who can also be seen this summer on ABC's Bachelor Pad.

Vincent Pastore: Screen Actors Guild Award-winning star of The Sopranos who should immediately call his agent and fire him upon seeing his Famous Food co-stars.

If that's not enough to get you hungry for Famous Food, check out this new trailer and read my seven reasons why this is must-watch summer fun.



Heidi Montag Breaks Things

Just like she's done with our spirits since breaking onto the scene, Heidi Montag will be breaking things on Famous Food. In the trailer, she tries pulling a classic Cocktail move, but ends up shattering a ton of glasses. Sadly, a million plastic surgery procedures can't fix that.

Elocution Lessons from Three 6 Mafia

Rappers (and Oscar winners) Three 6 Mafia are competing as a pair, and they will be offering a summer course on how to speak good English, with classic bits of dialogue like this:

"Two things that I know about Ashley Dupre: She's hella fine, she love to have sex."

Danielle Staub's Total Lack of Self Awareness

The former Real Housewives of New Jersey star (who, ironically, isn't the only "prostitution whore" on Famous Food thanks to Ashley Dupre), claims that she deserves to win because she's a foodie and she's Italian. Has she met her competitor, Vincent Pastore? Because he was on The Sopranos, which makes him about 500 times more Italian than Danielle.

Lots and Lots of Yelling

The entire cast is made up of people with very short fuses, and the trailer features more bleeped out dialogue than Scarface on TBS. If you want to see grown-ups acting like childish babies throwing temper tantrums, this is your show.

A Table Gets Flipped

As part of her contract, every show Danielle Staub appears on must have at least one scene of a table getting flipped over in a fit of rage. Strangely, that scene on Famous Food is between Three 6 Mafia and Vincent Pastore.

There's a Good Chance Jake Pavelka Will Cry

The Bachelor and Dancing with the Stars contestant seems to be the most stable person on this show (which is saying a lot), and at times he seems genuinely saddened by the lack of progress they're making to open their restaurant. I'm rather sure that at some point, he's going to break down crying like a little girl, and who doesn't want to see that?

Mike "Boogie" Malin is the Judge
    
As a huge Big Brother fan, I'm amused that one of the restaurant investors judging this series is Mike Malin, aka Boogie from seasons 2 and 7 of Big Brother. I'm so used to seeing him act silly that watching him as the calm, professional voice of reason is worth my time all by itself. And while the other people on Famous Food are notorious and infamous tabloid celebrities, to me, Mike Malin is more famous than some of these losers and I'd much rather eat at his restaurant than at Heidi Montag's.

Famous Food premieres Sunday, July 10 at 10pm on VH1.

(Image and video courtesy of VH1)