The time has come, for the four Voice finalists to find out whose talent and hard work has paid off with the ultimate prize, the four Voice coaches to find out who gets ultimate bragging rights, and for us to find out whether our votes went toward tonight’s winner. Will it be Javier from Team Adam, Vicci from Team Cee Lo, Beverly from Team Xtina or Dia from Team Blake? Last night’s original songs and coach duets showed that while the competition between these four is stiff, there’s only love among them and their coaches.
Still, just like the Highlander, as Twitter Girl Alison Haislip reminded us yesterday, there can be only one. Whose name will Carson Daly announce in his signature monotone as the winner of $100,000 and a recording contract? Whose dream will come true, and whose coach will cry tears of joy, pride and superiority? We’ll have to wait an hour to find out, but until then … let’s chat, critique and comment the final episode of THE VOICE, liiiiive!
Carson welcomes the final four to the stage, and Dia gets the biggest audience cheer, as far as I can tell. “Well, well, well, here we are,” says Carson like he just tied a woman to railroad tracks. “Tonight we will reveal which one of these four finalists will, for the first time ever, be named THE VOICE.” (Spin-off Idea: “THE FACE.”)
But before we find out who wins, we get to sit through a Celebrity Parade that includes Miranda Lambert (Mrs. Blake Shelton) and STEVIE NICKS!!! Carson reminds us of what happened last night, because reality TV thinks we all have constant amnesia, and then he says “heeeey, guuuuys” like a stone-cold bummer to everyone in the audience who got eliminated this season. I’m really going to miss his “words vs. tone” moments when this show is over. Now it’s time for a clip of the final four on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, since no one actually watches The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. But they’re excited to be there anyway!
VICCI MARTINEZ AND PAT MONAHAN FROM TRAIN SING “DROPS OF JUPITER”: Pat Monahan looks like he could definitely be a werewolf. Or a waiter. (TV Show Idea: “Werewolf Waiter.”) Over time, my ears have been so over-saturated with the notes of this song that it’s like white noise in the soundscape of my entire existence, but I still find the lyric “the best soy latte that you ever had, in me” to be absolutely preposterous.
VICCI’S GRADUATION SPEECH: It’s Cee Lo’s chance to tell Vicci, for the last time on national TV, how he feels. Cee Lo says he and Vicci will always be bonded, and he loves her from the heart. She’s a winner, and even though she reminds him of many artists, no one reminds him of her. She is “the first” Vicci Martinez.
JAVIER THANKS THE TV AUDIENCE VIA A FACEBOOK QUESTION IN THE TWITTER ROOM: It’s 2011! We may not have flying cars and robot butlers, but we do have sentences like that. The future is now.
JAVIER COLON AND STEVIE EFFING NICKS PERFORM “LANDSLIDE”: Holy crap, this is like a dream come true for my ears. If there are any kids out there who are like, “Who’s Stevie Nicks? Who’s Fleetwood Mac? What’s a record?” consider this your summer homework: STEVIE. Listen to her. Learn her. Love her. If I have a fairy godmother, I hope she is the fairy version of Stevie Nicks. This performance is the best, obviously.
JAVIER’S GRADUATION SPEECH: Adam says he wants to cry, but he promised Stevie Nicks he wouldn’t. That was one of his favorite duets he’s ever heard, and Stevie is one of his heroes. And now, so is Javier. “Good luck, man, you deserve to win this competition.” I am paralyzed by the shocking truth of how much I have come to — love? — Adam Levine this season. That was unexpected.
BEVERLY MCCLELLAN AND ONEREPUBLIC’S RYAN TEDDER SING “GOOD LIFE”: The anthem of the summer, yes? According to some of my Facebook friends who make sure to post the video for this song every time they’re happy and want to brag about it, YES IT IS. Beverly and Ryan get out of breath from all the clapping, high-fiving and swaying they’re doing.
BEVERLY’S GRADUATION SPEECH: Xtina loves her and supports her. Duh! Then Xtina, whose extensions are looking particularly heavy and angelic tonight, thanks the three other coaches for being “like the big brothers [she] never had.” Awww!
DIA FRAMPTON AND MIRANDA LAMBERT PERFORM “THE HOUSE THAT BUILT ME”: Dia’s got a sassy updo, and her voice is sounding raspier than ever. I hope there’s a medic near Blake Shelton, because watching his daughter/finalist and his wife singing together might actually make his heart explode.
COMMENTER’S CORNER: Wait, really? The lyric is “soy latte and me,” not “soy latte IN me”? A little less funny, but also a little less creepy, I guess. And no, I really didn’t know that was the real lyric, although it doesn’t change the fact that mentioning a soy latte at all in a love song lyric is preposterous.
DIA’S GRADUATION SPEECH: Blake says Dia is family to him now, and he loves her and is so proud of her. I adore Blake’s emotions, all of them, but remember how this is a singing competition? Simon Cowell is somewhere in L.A. watching this and barfing all over his black v-neck. Don’t worry, he’s got like a bajillion more.
TIME TO ANNOUNCE THE WINNER: It all comes down to this moment. Carson says the voting was so close, that the top two were within just 2 percent of each other.
THE TWO ARTISTS WITH THE MOST VOTES ARE: Dia Frampton and Javier Colon. We saw that coming. Bye, Vicci and Bev! Love you, ladies. Carson reminds us that Dia hit #1 and Javier Colon hit #2 on iTunes.
AND THE WINNER IS…
Wow! I honestly thought Dia was going to take it! But I love Javier’s voice, and I’m happy for him. Surprised, but happy. And Dia will have NO problem after her run on this show. I’m sure we’ll be seeing lots more of her in the future.
Javier gets wrangled by Carson and says, “The three women behind me are absolutely awesome. It was a pleasure to be here with them. I want to thank everyone at home who believed in me and voted for me.” Then he lets out a little “Ahh!” like he can’t believe it.
Can YOU believe it? That’s it for season 1 of The Voice! Are you happy with our winner?
(Images courtesy of NBC)