Crowned: Episode 1.7 "Let's Host a Cocktail Party" Recap
Crowned: Episode 1.7 "Let's Host a Cocktail Party" Recap
Previously on Crowned, the teams worked for Habitat For Humanity for a day, and when Mindy and Rachelle won the award for the having the best work ethic, Patty's and Laura's feathers were ruffled, to say the least. Gina and Hollis won the soapbox challenge, and Angela and Tenia ran off the stage to avoid de-sashing themselves.

The penultimate episode of Crowned begins with the five remaining teams discussing Team Beauty is Skin Deep's shocking exit. Rachelle consoles Christan and Ada for not having had a chance to say good-bye to their roommates. Laura jumps into the conversation and snaps at Rachelle. They get into a huge argument, Patty telling Rachelle not to go around doling out unsolicited advice to people. Poor Ada and Christan feel caught in the middle. Laura mocks the Goody Two Shoes girls for being ugly while claiming that people should be beautiful both on the inside and on the outside.

Pageant director Linnea instructs the ladies to dress in casual exercise clothes to work on their opening group dance number for next week's finale of Crowned. The eliminated teams are all back to dance with them, including Angela and Tenia. Patty and Laura bicker during the rehearsal, naturally.

Later, Linnea explains to the teams that pageant winners must be comfortable hosting all kinds of events for important people. Their preliminary challenge this week will be to plan and host a cocktail party. They'll be in charge of all of the food, refreshments and decorations. They will be judged on their contributions to the party, their physical appearance and their social graces, and special VIP guests have been invited to serve as judges.

Gina is an event planner in her real life and immediately gets into bossy mode. Hollis and Gina make some fancy food, including asparagus wrapped in prociutto. Christan has never thrown a cocktail party and goes with a veggie tray and a fruit tray.

The mystery VIP guests turn out to be the contestants' significant others: their husbands, boyfriends, best friends. They all wear sashes that read "Mr. Sincere Sexy Redheads," for example.

Linnea crashes the party to remind them all that the party is still a competition and the ladies should be on their best behavior. In the middle of the party, Linnea asks the gentlemen to pick their favorite hostess, but they are not allowed to pick their own loved ones. The ladies watch the men discussing amongst themselves on a TV screen in the living room. Christan's dad and Laura's husband (Laura has a husband!) announces the winner: Moya and Jenileigh. Their prize is a luxurious spa weekend in Vegas.

After the judging has concluded, the real party starts. I'm guessing there is a lot of drinking going on because Patty gets sick and throws up her Wowie Maui chicken into a hat or a box or some other kind of receptacle. She doesn't run to the bathroom or anything, she just stays seated in her wingback armchair and boots all over herself. It's really, really gross and the microphone catches all of the retching and gurgling sounds. Eww. I almost just throw up myself. Someone else who is acting less than dignified is Gina, who makes out with her boyfriend on the couch. Hollis catches sight of their PDA and gets very upset with her mother.

The next morning, Gina confesses that she had a little too much to drink and sorely regrets her behavior. She apologizes to Hollis. Oh please, I think Hollis should lighten up a little. It's pretty awesome that a 49-year-old mom like Gina can still get it on like a vixen. This is what the sexual revolution was for, people.

For this week's elimination challenge, the judges will be conducting intensive interviews of all the teams. The teams get to studying and preparing their answers. As usual, Laura and Patty have a hard time preparing. Laura confessionals that she doesn't want to be made to look dumb and bursts into melodramatic tears. Rachelle coaches Mindy, showing once more that she is more the mom in the relationship than Mindy is, despite being half her age.

It's time for the five remaining teams to appear before the judges in the Madrid Theater. As usual, Shanna Moakler introduces herself and her co-judges, Carson Kressley and Cynthia Garrett. She explains that they will be judging the pageant hopefuls on three criteria: poise, teamwork and quality of response.

First to go are Mindy and Rachelle, the Gifted Dolls. Carson asks them if they could acquire one quality from the other, what would it be and why. They both talk about the strength it required to deal with Mindy's kidney disease. Shanna asks them who they think should be eliminated tonight, and Cynthia asks them their philosophy on divorce. Neither Mindy nor Rachelle name names in response to Shanna's question. The judges are really impressed by their poise and diplomacy.

Next up are the Blessed Beauties, Christan and Ada. Carson asks them the same question, and they say superficial things like hair color. They also say outright that they think Jenleigh and Moya should be eliminated.

Gina and Hollis, the Dream Gals are next on stage. They pass Shanna's test and offer a diplomatic answer to who they think should be eliminated. The judges are very pleased with how well they worked together.

The Sincere Sexy Reds, Patty and Laura, are next. They have good answers to the question about what quality they would want to acquire. But they lose a bunch of points they make absolutely no qualms about wanting to boot Gina and Hollis from the competition.

The Daredevil Divas, Jenileigh and Moya, pass the diplomatic test and don't say that they want anyone specifically to be eliminated. Their answers are very short, however, and the judges are left unsatisfied.

The seventh de-sashing ceremony begins with multiple threatening shots of the bejeweled scissors on its velvet perch. The Gifted Dolls and the Daredevil Divas are safe and will be going on to the finals next week.

The Sincere Sexy Reds, the Dream Gals and the Blessed Beauties are asked to step to the front of the stage. Shanna congratulates the Dream Gals for being the highest-scoring team. Shanna deems their interviewing skills flawless.

At the bottom two are the Blessed Beauties and the Sincere Sexy Reds. The judges call out the Sincere Sexy Reds for being vindictive toward their archenemies. Shanna asks Patty and Laura to pick up the bejeweled scissors and de-sash..........the Blessed Beauties. Patty has a mini-epileptic seizure at the prospect of de-sashing her friends.

And so, the final four teams are set: Mindy and Rachelle, Jenileigh and Moya, Gina and Hollis, and Patty and Laura. Next week on Crowned they'll be competing against each other in the season finale in front of a live audience.

-Debbie Chang, BuddyTV Staff Writer
(Image courtesy of The CW)