'Big Brother 11' Recap: The First Person Evicted Is...
'Big Brother 11' Recap: The First Person Evicted Is...
The first week in the Big Brother 11 house was like a race to see who could play the worst game.  Ronnie jumped out to a huge lead when he tried playing both sides, which was ruined by his total inability to lie convincingly.

The Jock Alliance of Jessie, Russell and Natalie ran a close second by falling for a classic blunder.  Right below never betting against a Sicilian when death is on the line is blindly trusting what a tattooed masseuse tells you.  Lydia was the primary target until she gave Jessie a massage and pointed at Braden.  Somehow that worked, mostly because Jessie and Russell are as dumb as a dog that chases the beam from a flashlight.

So thanks to the easy manipulation of idiots, Braden us being targeted simply for being a good guy.  Well, a good guy who uses racist slurs.

The Chenmeister reads her lines off the cue cards as naturally as Laura's chesticles, and she's drinking this high school Kool-Aid.  The only reason this seems like high school is because the Big Brother producers are trying as hard as they can to push this square peg through a circular hole.

Russell's thought process is that Braden is the leader of the side alliance with Jordan and Jeff.  Wow, and I bet he thought George W. Bush was really the brains behind his administration and Dick Cheney and Karl Rove were his underlings.

Since riling up Jeff didn't work, Russell decides to keep up that strategy by poking and prodding Braden into a meltdown.  Luckily Russell found an intellectual equal in Braden, as steroids and pot have probably destroyed both of their brains.  It upsets me that Russell is getting what he wants, but Braden calls Lydia a skank, and her gay BFF Kevin throws down, because apparently you're not allowed to call his hag a skank.

What follows is a scene so bleeped and edited that it's impossible to tell what really happened by watching, but those following online know that Braden used derogatory Mexican slurs while telling Kevin to go back to his side of the border.  The fact that Kevin is black and Japanese and not Mexican at all is moot to Braden, I guess.

After the fight, Lydia decides to attack Jordan for absolutely no good reason.  Lydia is furious that Jordan didn't cry when Lydia was nominated, and Lydia is also angry that Jordan isn't more upset over the theoretical fact that she could've been nominated.

Jordan starts yelling, and she's 100 percent right, and then Kevin claims that if Jordan is still friends with Braden, it means she agrees with him.  This is the dumbest logic ever, and somehow Jeff and Jordan are made to look like the villains even though they're right and Lydia and Kevin are taking crazy pills.

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-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of CBS)