The lights, the drama, the X’s! It’s all happening tonight with the premiere of America’s Got Talent Season 6. I’m not even ashamed to say I’m glad it’s back, even though I know we’re in it for the long haul. It’s just so weird and enthralling. You never know if someone who’s not a singer might win.
The first round of auditions starts in Los Angeles. All our buddies are back: Piers, Sharon, Nick, and Howie. I’ve really come around on Howie Mandel, have you? It may take another several months. He’s back on the, “I’m annoying, aren’t I, Piers?!” train. Have you ever wondered what it’s like to go to one of these shows? BuddyTV’s writer Meghan can tell you all about it.
Los Angeles
Frank Olivier is up first, and he’s just a mess. Would you trust him to juggle flaming batons and ride a high unicycle around you? Is it an act? I can’t tell if it’s a joke yet. He has his hand on Howie’s head as though to keep his balance, and then he had the lit batons. He’s making me nervous! But then he juggled everything just fine. Is this an act that has repeat entertainment value? I’m not sure, but he’s through. He was thinking of Howie when he sanitized his hands, though.
In the giant room of people, Ryan Andreas got through to the judges. He had to fight a lot of demons to even convince himself he was worthwhile. He was really nervous, but then he sat down in front of the piano and (of course) did an amazing job. While he is a good singer, I have to admit this bias now: I’ll be damned if another singer wins America’s Got Talent. It’s a completely open variety/talent show, why give it to yet another vocalist?
Oh no, it’s Double Dream Hands Guy. I guess there’s no money in being a YouTube sensation. It would be fun for the audience to do this, though, if they’re internet savvy. Apparently, LA isn’t feeling it, though, because they start booing him almost immediately. Poor DDH guy, he can’t catch a break. Piers informed him that this show is not called “America’s Got Annoying Teachers.” Hey, that’s a good idea for a show!
In a montage of failed auditions to Cee Lo’s “[Forget] You,” a man messed up some rope tricks on a horse, a little girl did some death metal screaming, some guys goofed around on stage fake-fighting, and a fart impressionist won my heart. Yes, a fart impressionist. Put him through, guys, have a fart! Har har.
Landon Swank aims to be “the most popular magician ever.” I like magic, so I hope he’s good. He made a vase appear in a light box, then folded up a lady. Nice lady-folding, Landon! You’re through to Vegas. I hope he still has some more exciting stuff to show us, like Murray last season.
The Body Poets showed off their breakdancing and light bending skills. The judges like that combo, even though I was not sure exactly what it was. This is the show for that, though. Brennan Figari did some incredible stuff on the aerial silks, and Olivia Bellafontane did a fun and classy burlesque routine. There were far too many “my wife” jokes after her routine, though. They’re all through to the next round.
Enough with the weirdos, Nick Cannon decrees. It’s time for Debbie and Danny of Vegas Birds. The audience loved when the parrot said, “shut up,” and “ah-choo,” and even when it did some animal impressions. It was impressive, but I don’t know, birds are so creepy. They’re dinosaurs, you know. And one day, they shall re-inherit the earth.
“Get out of your own way,” juggler Frank Miles tells us. He’s going to juggle stun guns! Nice work, Frank. It was dangerous, exciting, and funny! He even stood in some water at the end. Can he top it, though? The jugglers are really standing out in LA.
Udi Abagnale delivered a truly weird performance of “Hot, Hot, Hot” with two women (“dancers”) who he may have just found that day. The audience booed him until Nick Cannon decided it was funny to laugh at this guy. Maybe if he was in on it it would be cool. This audience is so easily swayed. If you ask Udi, though, he would give himself three out of three “hots.”
Atlanta
The first audition in “the ATL” goes to Miami Latin Ballroom group, Miami All Stars. You know Piers is going to love this. It was fast and hectic but there was a lot of energy there. Howie and Sharon actually loved it, too. Of course they moved on.
Magician Scott Alexander moved on with a levitation trick, then young Preston Weber did an incredibly impressive fire dance. Yellow Designs Stunt Team showed off some BMX tricks, interrupted by a broken bike chain.
I wish people would stop calling it “Hotlanta.” Anyway, the little boys of The SH’Boss Boys can call it whatever they want because they’re adorable and they put cologne on. Little kid acts can get irritating but they’re great for now. They were cute yelling into the microphone, talking about buying a big house for homeless kids and filling it with lots of toys. Howie was not cute making fun of an early speech impediment. I like that they rap about education and … school? I’m not sure I understood all the words but does it really matter at this point?
They’re still checking out YouTube submissions, so if you think you could juggle or do BMX tricks or karate dance or whatever, it’s not too late to get in on this season!
If you do submit, you have to be talented and not a weirdo like this Primitivo Montoya character. The utility worker sang and danced poorly, then cartwheeled off the stage. He got really upset when he got buzzered, and didn’t understand why the medic came to tend to him. In the end he agreed, angrily, with Howie that he could have gotten hurt.
A teenage acapella group got sassy at the judges, then some old men dressed like babies showed up to dance. The Forever Young Dancers rode the line between entertaining and totally awful and creepy. Metatron dazzled the audience with … spoken word poetry? Motivation? I don’t know, but he also fell off the stage.
The self-indulgent battle between Howie and Piers rages on. It takes center stage over the sword-fighting performance from The Crossed Swords. Sharon gave it the X, then the woman sort of fell down, and it kept going on. At least no one fell off the stage. It wasn’t the worst, but maybe they should save it for the renaissance fair. Instead of debating the merits of this act, Howie and Piers fought each other with swords. Nick Cannon got in on it, and Sharon pressed the final X so that we could move on with our lives.
To conclude the show, it’s a new all-dark act. They’re dancers like Fighting Gravity but they have light-up suits as seen on Black Eyed Peas performances. Illuminate is more of a dance group than Fighting Gravity. It was cool, and definitely the most memorable audition of the night. Piers called it the most exciting audition he has ever seen on the show. Really? Maybe just this season.
Who were your favorites?
(Images courtesy of NBC)
Writer, BuddyTV
Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 Rock, The Amazing Race, Project Runway, Modern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSI, The Bachelor, Toddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested Development, Veronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).
