While sitting through an early screening of Twilight yesterday, I came to a not-so-stunning realization: teen girls are obsessed with vampires. The love story between Edward Cullen and Bella Swan had many young ladies in the audience squealing with delight, which is something I haven’t experienced since I donned a disguise and crept into a showing of High School Musical 3. If you walk by a theater this weekend, there’s a good chance you’ll hear shrieks of ecstasy as Twilight melts the hearts of girls around the country.
While the Cullen clan rakes in the cash at the box office this weekend, HBO’s vampire drama True Blood will be airing its first season finale. Much like Twilight, the series revolves around a relationship between a sexy vamp and a human girl. With viewers swooning over both Edward Cullen and True Blood‘s Bill Compton, I have to ask, which vamp would make the better boyfriend?
To figure out which vampire would make the better longtime companion, I compiled a list of questions to determine which bloodsucker is better boyfriend material.
What Does He Eat?
Edward: As a “vegetarian” vampire he only hunts animals, but he does think humans smell rather tasty.
Bill: He survives off a synthetic blood-like product known as Tru Blood, which seems to be available in most bars or convenience stores. Tru Blood can’t compare to the real thing, but he makes do.
What Are His Interests?
Edward: He likes to brood, wow people with his beauty, run through the forest, drive fast and play baseball.
Bill: He enjoys entertaining guests, playing video games, visiting the local bars and reminiscing about his days in the Civil War.
Where Will He Take You On a Date?
Edward: He might take you to a nice Italian restaurant for some mushroom ravioli, but since he doesn’t eat food it could make you feel a little awkward.
Bill: He’ll probably invite you to his mansion to play some Wii, or maybe out to Fangtasia, the nearby vampire bar.
Will He Be Available During the Day?
Edward: Yes, but he has to stick to cloudy locales so no one sees him sparkle in the sunlight.
Bill: Nope. He’ll be asleep while you’re out in the sunshine, so prepare to become a night owl.
How’s the Sex?
Edward: He worries about killing humans with his massive strength, so sex is off limits.
Bill: He can control his strength, so you can have all the hot sex you desire. However, you may end up with some nasty bite marks.
Can You Take Him Home to Meet the Family?
Edward: Yes. He’ll insist on meeting your parents before taking you out on any serious dates.
Bill: Yes, Bill is as charming as he is handsome. Unfortunately, people who are kind to him sometimes die mysteriously.
What Are His Bad Habits?
Edward: He’ll probably read your mind without asking, and he may sneak into your bedroom to watch you sleep.
Bill: He has a crazy jealousy streak, so you may have to stop flirting with other guys once you’re with him.
Will He Defend Your Honor?
Edward: Yes, he’ll always be there to rescue you from whatever dangerous situation you fall into. In fact, he may swoop in to save the day more than you like.
Bill: He’ll defend you to the death, but he also understands that you need to be independent and fight your own battles sometimes.
After comparing the True Blood vamp to the Twilight bloodsucker, I’ve determined that Bill would make the better boyfriend. It’s true that you may be stalked by a crazy serial killer for fraternizing with him, but at least you’ll be able to have sex when you’re not running from danger. Besides, it’s good to spend some time away from your significant other, which is something you won’t get with Edward. Not only is he around during the day, but he’ll also watch you sleep. How creepy is that?
Who do you think would make the better vampire boyfriend? Sound off in the comments below.
You can also check out our exclusive interview with Taylor Lautner, Rachelle Lefevre, and Edi Gathegi part 1 and part 2
– Don Williams, BuddyTV Staff Writer
(Images courtesy of Summit Entertainment, HBO)