Jacqueline has been reduced to ugly, gasp-y tears by Ashley’s flippant behavior. Jacqueline is ready for Ashley to move out and figure her sh*t out. Ashley’s father forces her to apologize, which she does, reluctantly. APOLOGY NOT ACCEPTED. Go buy another fedora with someone else’s money, Ashley.

By the way, Ashley’s dad? Still a badass.

Kathy is having the ladies over for a Middle Eastern tasting. It’s all about “embracing your inner goddess.” Oh man, everyone in New Jersey loves energists. The energist burns some sage to cleanse the space before the tasting.

Oh guess what? Ashley still hasn’t done any sketches or anything for Lauren. Lauren fires Ashley, who does not accept being fired. It’s hard to fire your cousin, except when your cousin is Ashley. She makes it easy to get frustrated with her. “I just don’t want to do it right now, I’m so annoyed,” Ashley tells us.

Joe and Teresa meet with their attorney to find out whether or not it’s legal to put a hit on someone. Just kidding! It was standard legal talk, as Joe sipped a teeny tiny cup of coffee (or maybe it was normal size and Joe is just humongous). Joe’s in trouble because he did some shady stuff. The case is settled, but Joe has a huge debt. Teresa’s clear, Joe’s not.

Kathy’s tasting is on! Rich has a “gift” of holy water for Teresa. Melissa mentions that Teresa suggested that Rich is “obsessed” with her. That’s so Regina George! Caroline, Lauren, and Jacqueline arrive, and the tasting begins. It looks like fun! Jacqueline is totally jealous of Kathy’s awesome daughter, Victoria. Jacqueline expresses her woes, and the women all agree that Ashley needs a good smack in the face.

BOOM, Teresa’s here. Why!? Teresa was upset that it was just great food and there weren’t half-naked guys walking around serving stuff. She would have done it differently. Kathy gave out goddess bracelets and told each woman what she finds “goddess-like” in each of them. I love Kathy. Teresa doesn’t. Caroline mentions Kathy opening a restaurant, and Teresa brings up that, all of a sudden, she and Joe are opening a restaurant based on this fakakta cookbook. She is not a good guest.

Teresa got extremely rude and un-goddess-like at the party. Kim G comes up, and Caroline asks if we can change the mood. Enter the belly dancer! There you go, Teresa. But she was not having it. The rest of the ladies had fun shaking their butts, while Teresa sat back and judged them.

Ashley has decided it’s time to go. Everyone supports that. Ashley says it was Jacqueline’s idea. I don’t know where that came from. But Ashley callously calls Jacqueline a bitch while texting on her phone. AUUUGHHHHHH ASHLEY.

“I can’t even,” Ashley declares, walking away from the situation. Kick her out, Jacqueline! Chris goes upstairs and tells Ashley to get out.

(images courtesy of Bravo)

Carla Patton

Writer, BuddyTV

Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 RockThe Amazing RaceProject RunwayModern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSIThe BachelorToddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested DevelopmentVeronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).