As an avid fan of the Friday the 13th franchise, I was extremely excited when Supernatural‘s Jared Padalecki was cast as the lead in the upcoming remake. Unlike most teen slasher movies, which are notorious for having virginal females save the day, the Friday the 13th films have managed to give both sexes a shot at defeating the villain. If you’re going to have a man face off with the unstoppable killing machine known as Jason Voorhees, who better than the guy who plays monster hunter Sam Winchester every week? It seems like a perfect bit of casting for what’s shaping up to be a very promising remake.
In honor of today being Friday the 13th, we decided to put together a list of 13 things we hope to see in the latest installment of the venerable horror franchise. Read on for the list.
1. A Subtle Supernatural Shout-Out
You can’t cast Jared Padalecki in a monster slaying role and not have some sort of meta shout-out to his portrayal of Sam Winchester. I’m not asking for anything too obvious, but a winking nod to the Supernatural fans in the audience would be awesome.
2. Gratuitous Nudity
I’m not putting this on the list because I’m a fan of nudity, of course. It’s just that the Friday the 13th films are notorious for finding flimsy excuses to allow women to take their tops off. It’s tradition, and the new movie wouldn’t fit properly in the franchise without it. However, to jazz things up and subvert expectations I also declare that there should be gratuitous male nudity as well.
3. Crazy Mama Voorhees Action
Instead of being a remake of the first film, which didn’t feature Jason, the new Friday the 13th is more a combination of the first three movies. Jason’s murderous mother, played so memorably by Betsy Palmer in the original, will be portrayed by Star Trek: Deep Space Nine star Nana Visitor. Let’s hope she brings that very special spark of insanity that Pamela Voorhees requires.
4. Creative Kills
Aside from cheap nudity, the Friday the 13th films are also known for their creative deaths. Jason uses everything from his bare hands to complicated power tools to dispatch his victims, and I’d expect nothing less in the new movie. I’m not sure if anything can equal the infamous sleeping bag demise from Friday the 13th VII, but it never hurts to try.
5. Buckets of Blood
There are too many horror films these days that tone things down to ensure a PG-13 rating. As a horror fan, I find this to be the most boring thing in the world. Director Marcus Nispel has already stated that the new Friday the 13th will be an R rated film, so let’s hope they don’t skimp on the gore.
6. A Jensen Ackles Cameo
Hey, why not?
7. A Shocker of an Ending
The original Friday the 13th is famous for its ending, which features a young, deformed Jason lunging out of Crystal Lake and grabbing the last remaining survivor of his mother’s massacre. It made people jump out of their seats in 1980, and the new film should try to leave fans with the same shaken reaction.
8. An Interesting Story
This isn’t really necessary for a Friday the 13th film, which is why it’s so far down the list. This franchise isn’t exactly known for its storytelling, but why not surprise us all with a compelling narrative?
9. A Town Crazy
The town crazy is a character that shows up in all sorts of horror movies, but they’re most prevalent in the Friday the 13th franchise. The town crazy is almost always a grizzled old male who warns the horny teens that they’re all heading toward their doom. The teens then laugh off the warning from the nutty old coot and go along their merry way, only to be butchered later. For the role of the town crazy, I suggest the producers track down Gary Busey.
10. Strong Female Characters
For every strong, kick-butt woman in a horror movie, there are ten others who trip while running in the woods and get slaughtered for being idiots. I’d like the new Friday the 13th film to toss away that old trope and allow the women to be powerful. I’m not saying they should all know how to kickbox, but the ladies should be able to stand side by side with the guys when it comes to fighting Jason.
11. A Memorable Origin for the Hockey Mask
Though Jason is forever associated with his hockey mask, he actually didn’t pick it up until the third film. Audiences had no idea how iconic the mask would become at the time, so Jason’s discovery of his new favorite fashion accessory was a throwaway moment. I’m hoping the new movie will make the discovery of the mask as memorable as it should be.
12. A Reprisal of Friday the 13th‘s Greatest Hits
The Friday the 13th movies have had many memorable moments, so why not bring them all back for an epic extravaganza? I want to see the return of Corey Feldman, the slaughtering of Kevin Bacon, the aforementioned sleeping bag death, a girl who looks like Andrea Zuckerman from Beverly Hills 90210, Jason doing a James Bond impression, a girl with telekenetic powers, a quick trip to Vancouver posing as Manhattan, a descent into Hell, the return of Uber-Jason from outer space, and a Freddy Krueger cameo. Bring it all back!
On second thought, this would probably make for an extremely overstuffed narrative. Maybe I just need to watch the first 10 movies again.
13. A Final Battle as Awesome as This:
Fans will get to see Jared Padalecki battle Jason Voorhees when Friday the 13th is released on February 13, 2009.
– Don Williams, BuddyTV Staff Writer
(Image courtesy of IGN.com)