So we’ve been led to believe that this episode will be about the growing tension as Tamra and Gretchen become friends, but let’s be serious. It is all about Slade and his impending terrible comedy routine! I’ve been talking about it all week. But first, some business. Vicki didn’t say goodbye to Tamra on her way out of the painting party and the world is over.

Vicki is thrilled, supposedly, that Tamra and Gretchen are friends, but she is obviously pissed off. Vicki is SKEPTICAL. Tamra bought Vicki some freaky sex stuff and she is not having THAT, either. It’s not for people who really care about each other.

Speaking of people who don’t really like each other, Alexis and Heather are meeting for lunch. Alexis tells Heather, the actress, that she is a news anchor. Oh yes, it’s important to get the word out about “National Booty Week Month.” Terrible. Almost instantly, Alexis lets it slip that Jim is in control of the entire relationship. Heather assumes she mis-heard, but she definitely didn’t.

“You are an enigma to me still,” Heather admits. I wouldn’t describe Alexis as mysterious, but I would describe her as confused. I’m not sure that it was necessary to bring up the conversation about sex toys, but I like that Heather called Alexis out for being a jerk. Alexis says they’re more similar than they know, and Heather doesn’t think so. Then, to be extra obnoxious, Heather toasts in Japanese.

FINALLY, Slade is working on his stand-up, using his mother as a test audience. His mother is the perfect test audience! Slade even set up his own microphone in the living room. Much to our delight, Slade’s jokes are terrible and his mother’s reactions are honest. Aw, you didn’t even like his accidental Glee reference? Or his dick jokes?

“The dogs are really more entertaining at this point than you are,” Slade’s mom tells him. Then he tells her that the intent is to take it on tour! Her response is that she should have been harsher. Back to the ol’ drawing board!

Having failed as a blooming stand-up, Slade mentions that he’s thinking about proposing to Gretchen. “NO!” she says. More of her, please.

Tamra and Eddie go for a walk, and Tamra’s lease is coming up. Eddie brings up the idea of moving in together and Tamra is appropriately apprehensive. Later, she tells Eddie that she’s not sure it’s a good idea, because of her kids.

Back to Slade just continually making things worse: he is thinking about doing a “segment” called “in the news.” How long of a set does he think he has? And what capabilities? Is this a Powerpoint presentation he’s putting together? Regardless, he has discovered all kinds of terrible pictures of the Housewives, which will surely burn any bridges Gretchen took the care to build.

“I’m not trying to like, be a dick,” Slade says defensively. Oh no, this is terrible. It’s also guaranteed not to even be funny. Slade, you are an idiot.

Oh lord, it’s happening. At least Gretchen knows she’s not good at comedy so she’s not going to attempt it as a career. Hey, it looks like Jim has lost some weight, at least in the goatee area.

Gretchen’s set was predictably terrible, but at least she was smart enough to disrobe. Backstage, some guy and Slade told Gretchen where she went wrong. Not your place, Slade. Let’s just see how you do …

At last it’s here. Slade’s stand-up set. He’s wearing a shirt that says “Housewife Hunter” and oh yes, he brought a powerpoint. He is really going for it. He hunts AT THE MALL. Then he thrusts at them. One person thought it was hilarious: Alexis. Well, she’s a good friend. She also didn’t get any of the other comedians’ jokes.

Vicki met her daughter for drinks and chat, but it was boring (until the very end when they started talking about Brianna’s tumors; wtf!). We have to get back to Slade’s stand-up because the sh*t is about to hit the fan. His powerpoint continued to reveal all of the horrible things he decided not to re-think after all. Bad pictures of Tamra, of Vicki, and a lot of really awful allegations. Also, Slade is assuming that his audience knows a lot of specific information about the Real Housewives. “Everyone knows I have beef with Tamra Barney,” Slade says. No, they don’t.

Slade called Tamra fat and compared Vicki to Miss Piggy. It didn’t get many laughs, even drunk laughs, and Gretchen was pissed. All that, and for what? Slade, you are in trouble. At least Alexis enjoyed it, and she’s the comedy gold standard.

(images courtesy of Bravo)

Carla Patton

Writer, BuddyTV

Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 RockThe Amazing RaceProject RunwayModern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSIThe BachelorToddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested DevelopmentVeronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).