The ladies are back from Costa Rica, and Vicki is all set to complain about her normal life again. She wonders if she should just break up with Brooks since that’s what everyone wants and then she will be SAD, is that what she should do? Well, she’s not going to, Orange County. She’s getting him some new teef.

Vicki asks for new teeth, whitening, lip adjustments, and gum arching. Nothing says “I love you” like a set of nicely arched gums. Eddie knows to get his gums arched, and it shows as he meets Tamra for dinner. She tells him about all the drama in Costa Rica. Eddie booked a trip for them to Tahiti, just the two of them, so that she could relax instead of listen to Vicki’s manic spurts. Tamra is excited, but nervous that Eddie will propose.

Alexis is feeling bruised; not just from her nose job but from the emotional wounds of Costa Rica. But despite her pain, she is ready to do her Fox 5 segment. It’s on fashion, so she knows her stuff this time. She has learned from her hosting coach to keep her hair out of her face. She didn’t embarrass herself as much as she did with the other segment.

Tamra’s headed to Bora Bora, and she’s worried that Eddie may or may not propose, so she doesn’t tell the other ladies. She does get excited getting a text from Gretchen, though, and she feels that she and Vicki are drifting apart. I like when Tamra and Gretchen are friends. Tamra is very nervous, trying to see if anything has a ring in it or could be diamond-shaped.

Heather’s going cake shopping to celebrate her name change. It’s going to be chic, but tasteful. A monogram would be nice. The baker suggests a topsy-turvy cake because it’s “fun,” but topsy-turvy is SO not Heather Dubrow. But her ears perked up at “edible diamonds.”

In Tahiti, Tamra celebrates her untouchable life. Eddie got her something at the boat … a coconut bra! Eddie, you tease. After a boat ride, they see their hut on the water and it’s spectacular. Good work, Eddie! Eddie toasts Tamra and she cries a bit because she has never felt like she deserved good things. Tamra dons the coconut bra atop her new natural boobs.

Gretchen calls her father to ask him, straight up, what he knows about Slade’s plans to propose. She saw a text from Newport Jewelers about a ring, and it freaked her out. She isn’t ready to get engaged before some things get resolved. Gretchen’s father is cagey, but Gretchen has more than an inkling. She’s going to talk to Slade.

Meanwhile in Bora Bora, Tamra and Eddie sit at a table for two on the beach, wearing white. Tamra thinks a proposal is coming this time for sure. He toasts her again, to “a life together forever,” and beginnings and some other stuff. Tamra nervously prepares for a proposal that isn’t coming. Eddie keeps saying the kinds of things that lead into a proposal, but there’s no ring. They chew their food, and Tamra chews carefully, sifting through her food for a ring.

Eddie tells Tamra he looks forward to when they bring their households together and move in together. Tamra asks how soon that might be because she’s always thought there should be a ring, etc. and Eddie says that’s too traditional. “Chuck that out the window, baby,” he says douchily. “I’m happy. I’m so happy with my life,” he tells her. Tamra is just a teensy bit crestfallen.

Gretchen confronts Slade about the jeweler text. “Are you actually planning on proposing to me?” Gretchen asks. Slade, busted, admits he is, but Gretchen isn’t thrilled, she is upset. She yells at him for planning something serious that she’s not ready for and not OK with. They have a very real, very open fight. Gretchen asks Slade what he’s doing for a job, and he mentions his comedy, which is just awful. Just terrible. I’m on Gretchen’s side with this; he needs to be more respectful of what she wants in the relationship.

Tamra and Eddie are going scuba diving, now that Tamra has put a proposal out of her mind and decided to enjoy Bora Bora regardless. Eddie tells Tamra he wants to get her a black pearl from an oyster. Tamra is less excited, because the weave and the eyelashes are going everywhere, but she obliges. It’s stunning underwater, too. They collect some clams and Eddie forces the issue of opening them. Mmhmm. Wisely, Eddie suggests opening them back at the hotel, once Tamra has put on some makeup.

Back at the hut, Eddie sets Tamra up opening a clam. She tells him it’s gross inside. He gets her to open one more clam–“it’s very special, you can just open it with your hands,” he says nervously. I bet it’s an expensive ring in there. And sure enough, there’s the ring! Despite Eddie’s non-traditional ways! Tamra cries and shakes, but doesn’t drop the ring in the water. They express their love underneath their matching straw fedoras.

“I got the ring, bitches!” Tamra shouts.

(images courtesy of Bravo)

Carla Patton

Writer, BuddyTV

Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 RockThe Amazing RaceProject RunwayModern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSIThe BachelorToddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested DevelopmentVeronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).