There can never be enough vacation trips in a season of The Real Housewives, as far as I’m concerned. And this week on RHONYC, the ladies of the Big Apple pack their bags for a trip to Montana. This is gonna be good.

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Wax Off

Kristen and Carole are getting ready for their Montana vacation by getting Brazilian waxes, because how else would you prepare for a dude ranch? Carole tells Kristen she called Russ about the Sonja rumor and he said it was completely untrue. Carole felt embarrassed for being insecure enough to even call him, even though she knew in her gut Sonja was lying. 

Aviva and Ramona meet at a spa where, lucky for Aviva, Ramona doesn’t have any wine glasses to chuck. Ramona is not thrilled about their upcoming trip. She says Montana is going to be even worse than the Berkshires, and this time she won’t have a private plane to escape in. Aviva tells her that she probably won’t be able to come because she was recently diagnosed with “moderate to severe” asthma and she is allergic to horses. And there’s severe altitude. And all of the dust and dirt that’s in Montana and stuff. Then she tells Ramona how bummed she is about not being able to go because she wanted to redeem herself after being such a buzz kill on their last group vacation to St. Barths.

Ramona and Kristen go to Space Cowboy to shop for some cowboy boots and sexy chaps. Kristen tells Ramona she’s skeptical about Aviva’s excuses for not being able to join them.

Aviva meets them at the store. She shows Kristen her doctor’s note proving she can’t come. Kristen questions the validity of Aviva’s story, since she always seems to have a different one, and surprise, surprise, Aviva flips out. She opens up her bag and starts throwing her prescriptions at Kristen. What is it about Kristen that makes people want to throw things at her? In Ramona’s words, “Aviva opened up her bag of crazy and threw it at Kristen.”

Take a Little Trip

Heather and Kristen pack for Montana, and while some of the other ladies are upset this trip won’t be all about cocktail parties, they’re both looking forward to a little adventure. Heather thinks Aviva embellishes a lot of her illnesses and phobias for attention. Carole thinks she’s just allergic to fun.

In her apartment, Kristen packs her suitcase. Her adorable son Cash gives her a Nerf gun because every cowboy needs a gun. Kristen tells Josh that it’s a big deal for her to leave the kids alone with him. He says it isn’t a big deal, because he’ll just be dropping them off at her parents’ house and then going to the Hamptons for Labor Day weekend. Kristen is not amused; she was really hoping that the kids would get to spend some more time with their father. But Josh is not willing to sacrifice his Labor Day for them. Josh is surely in the running for worst househusband ever. And that’s a list that includes cheaters and felons, so good job, buddy.

Aviva dramatically sucks on her inhaler for the camera. She has a ridiculously staged conversation with her husband Reid in which he “talks her out of” going to Montana, even though she “really wanted to go.” She comes to the conclusion that it would be irresponsible for her health to go on the trip. Is there anything authentic about Aviva? I haven’t believed a word she’s said this whole season.

Missoula, Montana

When the ladies arrive in the Missoula airport, they find a wheelchair with Aviva’s name on it. Heather can’t believe she reserved it for herself before she cancelled like she’s an invalid. Even when she’s not there, she’s being dramatic.

The ranch is truly gorgeous and Carole, Ramona and Sonja are in one cabin and Kristen, LuAnn and Heather are in the other. They’re barely there five minutes before the hosts serve them Huckleberry juice and Sonja sits in a chair with her legs wide open so that her junk needs to be blurred. Yet again.

The first activity they have planned is cattle driving. Heather says she actually considered a career as a ski instructor in the winter and a ranch hand in the summer, so she feels really connected to the nature that surrounds them. Sonja, on the other hand, nearly puts her purse down in a pile of poop when she realizes she probably doesn’t need her phone on the horse.

Ramona demands a new horse, so LuAnn graciously swaps with her. Sonja is still trying to conquer her fear after she was thrown from a horse a few years ago. She manages to do so and actually excels at herding the cattle.

That evening, Kristen books the ladies a table at a ranch restaurant where you can watch cowboys rope cattle while you eat. Ramona doesn’t like being that close to the smell of animals while she eats, but the space is beautiful and they have it all to themselves.

LuAnn brings up the subject of the “facialist from hell” and asks Sonja why she didn’t stick up for them while she was talking bad about her friends. Sonja is unapologetic, saying she likes to hear what people around town are saying about her. LuAnn starts to get worked up, but mostly because Sonja is failing to recognize that her friend is upset. Ramona chalks it up to LuAnn being too sensitive, so LuAnn excuses herself from dinner early. 


The Real Housewives of New York City airs Tuesdays at 9pm on Bravo.

(Image courtesy of Bravo)

Gina Pusateri

Contributing Writer, BuddyTV