The ladies of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills are still in Amsterdam, so that means they’re still causing trouble. These women can’t seem to stop finding new ways to embarrass Yolanda in her home country. What other reason would Brandi have for slapping Lisa Vanderpump on a gorgeous Dutch canal? I guess we’ll find out soon enough.
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The Group Divided
At the start of this episode, “Amster-damn Slap!”,Yolanda wakes up not feeling well. She’s feeling worn down from her Lyme disease, but also emotionally drained from spending time with all of these terrible people. She tells Kyle that she’s not going to be joining them today. I hope she jumps out of bed the minute Kyle leaves and then goes downtown for the nearest and strongest herbal refreshment she can find.
She does tell Kyle that she needs to take responsibility for her situation with Kim, which I’m not sure is fair. Kim isn’t Kyle’s responsibility, and she’s let her know quite often that she doesn’t have to explain herself to Kyle. Kyle whines some more to Yolanda about always having to be “the strong one” for Kim before she goes off to the Rembrandt museum with Eileen.
Eileen, in the meantime, can’t believe that everyone’s acting like Kim didn’t just throw all of them under a bus and run them over with it. She especially can’t believe that Lisa Rinna forgave Kim and now they’re all going shopping together like they’re friends. She thinks this is putting her and Kyle on the outs.
Lisa Rinna decides to go shopping with Lisa Vanderpump, Brandi and Kim, mostly because she doesn’t want to spend the afternoon re-living the trip’s drama with Kyle and Eileen. It seems like she’s made the right choice. The four of them have a fun afternoon shopping. Even Lisa Vanderpump is enjoying Brandi’s company because it reminds her of when they used to be friends.
It seems that Lisa Rinna’s instincts were right. After the Rembrandt museum, Kyle and Eileen get coffee and chocolate, and talk about Kim and how indefensible she is. Kyle continues to do what she does best: whine about her sister.
Later, Lisa Rinna and Eileen meet for drinks. Eileen says that it’s all well and good that she’s friends with Kim now, even though she doesn’t understand it, but she’s mad that her making up with Kim has left her and Kyle in an awkward position. Lisa Rinna claims to be in survival mode, and she says if Eileen is still mad about the other night, she should bring it up with Kim herself.
On a Boat
Yolanda brings the ladies for drinks and dinner on a fancy boat on the canal. Kyle is literally looking the best I have ever seen her with her hair pulled back and red lips. She should lose her signature hair cape more often.
But Kyle’s not happy that everyone is sitting there acting like everything’s okay. And she doesn’t much care for the dirty looks she’s getting from Brandi either, so she excuses herself to go sulk at the bar.
Yolanda and Lisa Vanderpump go over to make sure she’s okay. While she’s gone, Eileen takes the moment to talk to Brandi and Kim. Brandi kind of apologizes for being mean to her, but then she says she doesn’t like Eileen calling her an alcoholic behind her back. Eileen says she’s never used that word (and we have the clips to prove it!) but apologizes for anything she’s said that might have hurt Brandi’s feelings. She said she might have called her a “mean drunk,” but she didn’t think that was such a revolutionary thought. Well, shoot. Eileen is a pro at some subtle shade.
Kyle comes back to the table and Eileen conveniently brings up what happened between the Richards sisters the other night. Eileen says she was concerned after seeing Kim’s strange behavior, and she’s sorry if showing concern did any damage to Kim or her family. Kim says she’s worked for her sobriety and she’s done talking about it and she wants to put it all behind them.
Brandi tries to put a period at the end of this conversation by saying that if anyone needs help, either with their sobriety, with sleeping with half of LA (she jokingly points to Lisa Vanderpump), with not eating (she points to Lisa Rinna), with being a mean drunk (she points to herself) or with being a homewrecker (she points to Eileen) to just ask. Eileen tells her not to call her a homewrecker. She says it’s something that happened 20 years ago and it’s none of her business. In their confessionals, Brandi and Kim laugh about Brandi’s joke, but everyone else sees that they’ve gone too far.
Then Kyle and Brandi started bickering about all the same old things. Mostly about Kim, though, which is awkward because she’s just sitting there silently at the table while they fight over her. Yolanda excuses herself to get away from the nonsense, and one by one, everyone but Brandi, Kim and Kyle follow.
Kyle ends her fight with Brandi by telling her she doesn’t want to be friends, ever, but she wishes her and her family the best. Brandi repeats Kyle’s words and they’re both ringing so hollow.
Kim is upset because this is not how she saw this night going. Lisa is upset because Brandi accused her of sleeping with everyone when she’s been faithful to her husband for 32 years. And Kyle’s upset because she’s still dealing with Brandi. We’re all upset about that one, Kyle.
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Not Quite the Love Boat
They try to get things back on track at dinner when Brandi suggests that everyone say something nice about each other. Everyone has genuine things to add except Brandi, who says Kyle has nice hair, Lisa has great tits and Eileen has pretty eyes. Why did she even want to play this game if she was going to be a snot about it?
Kyle and Kim have a nice moment together where they finally seem to put their drama behind them. They hug and cry and, of course, Brandi is sneering over Kim’s shoulder. Then she tries to steal the moment by having her own personal moment with Kim. She’s so disgusting.
Then it’s Brandi’s turn, and before anyone can say anything nice about her, she runs to the bathroom crying. She says she doesn’t want to sit there while other people say nice things they don’t mean to her. Yolanda and Lisa Vanderpump speculate that she can’t take a compliment because she doesn’t like herself. I think they’re on to something, though I must admit it makes me a little happy to know that Brandi probably hates herself.
Later in the evening, when they’re getting off the boat, Brandi has another drunk Brandi moment. She’s trying to recreate a scene from The Love Boat with Lisa Vanderpump (who is obviously not into it) when she slaps Lisa for the drama. Lisa tells her right away that that was not okay, that she’s gone too far. She tries to sidestep her so she can finally get off that boat from hell. Personally, I think she should have thrown Brandi into the canal.
The next day, Kyle and Lisa Vanderpump go out for pancakes. Lisa tells Kyle what happened, and Kyle is just shocked. Lisa says her first instinct was to backhand her, but that’s not the kind of person she is. Lisa says that, at this point, she’s so over Brandi.
Yolanda and Brandi go out to breakfast too. Brandi tells Yolanda what happened, and Yolanda has pretty much the same reaction as Kyle: pure shock. Yolanda says that Brandi needs to learn boundaries and also how jokes work, since everything she thinks is a joke is clearly not funny.
Next time, it’s the final episode in Amsterdam. Thank goodness.
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Tuesdays at 9pm on Bravo.
(Image courtesy of Bravo)
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV