Now that The Bachelor is finally over for the season, I needed some new reality crazy in my life, so I tuned in to The Celebrity Apprentice last night, and all I can say is: WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME SOONER THAT THIS SEASON IS SO BATSH*T AWESOME?! (OK, maybe people did, including my buddy Jen. But I was too busy watching Brad’s ladies weep in limos until now.)
I may be tardy to the party, but I’m not missing out anymore. So let this be a lesson to all my fellow late-bloomers out there, and an e-high-five to those of you who were in on it from the beginning: This season is even better than that season when Hershel Walker was constantly screaming “SHUT IT, TOM!” at Tom Green. And that was great. I still quote it to this day (to people who have no idea what I’m talking about, usually).
Thankfully, it’s never too late to watch Gary Busey drop his cramazing knowledge bombs all over the place. No prior knowledge necessary (because it never makes sense)! In fact, the reason I now love this show can pretty much be boiled down to everything project manager Gary Busey said last night:
To Meatloaf: “Don’t tell me what I’m not doing when I’m doing what you don’t think I’m doing!” Uhh, don’t worry, Gary. I couldn’t do that if I wanted to!
To the Camping World CEO (above): “I know nothing’s free, but my heart to your heart is free. Ya hear that?” I hope he hears it, because security measures may need to be taken as a result.
On Lil John: “Lil John turned out to be an antagonist. In my heart. To me.” And Gary Busey turned out to be a protagonist. In my brain. To me.
On his vision for their project strategy: “This is the home base, and when we fly out like little drones, we’re camping.” Did you know Star Wars is actually about camping?
On mistakes: “You must understand that a mistake is a gift. So you just pushed it away and achieve it in another way.” I am already drawing plans to crochet this on a pillow.
To Ivanka Trump about one of his hobbies, acronym-philosophizing: “L-U-C-K-Y stands for living under correct knowledge yearly.” Noooope, that is not what lucky means. But I love it! “Like freedom. F-R-E-E-D-O-M. Facing real exciting energy, developing out miracles.” Again, no, but this whole conversation was just balls-out, epitaph-worthy brilliance.
On how their camping project is going to go: “It’s like having the best ingredients in the world to make the best cake you can make. It’s going to come out tomorrow, it’s going to be warm and fluffy, and put a drop of, put a scoop of chocolate or vanilla ice cream on it, it’ll melt. Ohhh-ya-ya-YEE it’ll just be fun to EAT!” Ohhh-ya-ya-YEE I love listening to this man talk. It’s like vanilla ice cream for my soul.
On teamwork: “T-E-A-M stands for together everyone achieves more.” Hey, that one actually makes some sense!
On the effectiveness of his new hearing aids: “I can hear my toenails grow. I can hear people breathe.” Gary Busey IS… the Predator?
What do you guys think of this season of The Celebrity Apprentice so far? Should I keep quoting Gary Busey week to week? Because you can bet I’ll be watching week to week from now on. B-U-S-E-Y: Badass ultimate saying everything, yup. (Hey, it’s harder than it seems! I’ll work on it.)
(Image courtesy of NBC)