Much like a night out of heavy drinking, Ashley Hebert’s Bachelorette journey has been at turns exciting, exhausting, nauseating and sleep-inducing. And tonight, the journey comes to an end, as Ashley must choose between wine-maker Ben Flajnik or cutie “Cupcake” JP Rosenbaum after the men meet her family (which doesn’t go very well for JP) and go on their “Last Chance Dates” in exotic Fiji.
The wine AND the whine will be flowing heavily this evening, so what better way to celebrate than with our final drinking game of the season? Here’s everything you need (minus the alcohol itself) to enjoy tonight’s Bachelorette finale as it was intended to be enjoyed: With an ample dosage of artificial euphoria.
First, we must prepare.
What to Drink:
– If you can, get your hands on some of Ben Flajnik’s wine. It’s called Evolve. The irony of drinking “Evolve” while Ben (probably) gets his heart ripped out on an outdated dating show will make this choice extra delicious.
– Cupcake Wine: If your allegiances lie with JP, how about letting your liver honor his adorable, emasculating nickname with some Cupcake? They sell this one in a lot of grocery stores, I think. Where you can (and SHOULD) also buy cupcakes to go along with it.
– A “Cupcake” cocktail? I don’t know, I found this recipe and it sounds kind of gross to me, but maybe you’d be into it. Vodka is a girl’s best friend during these things, after all.
– Feeling lazy, broke, or otherwise unwilling to venture beyond your own booze supply? All you need is a little pizazz, a printer and a sense of humor to make ANYTHING into a special celebratory Bachelorette finale drink. Just print out a photo of your favorite Bachelorette star, stick a little glue on the back and slap that puppy on your drink of choice. This method is low on effort and high on awesome, as Carla demonstrates with her Maskless Jeff the Mask wine bottle cover, a.k.a. The Best Thing I’ve Ever Seen:
Those big, blue creepy eyes watching you while you watch the Bachelorette finale will add another layer of hilarious voyeurism to the whole affair. Plus, you’ll have someone to talk to when you’re bored. And when the booze is gone, you can keep the bottle as a special commemoration of one of the weirdest, saddest nights of your existence. Put it on your coffee table. What a conversation starter!
Now that we’ve got our libations in order, it’s time to learn the rules.
The Bachelor Finale Drinking Game
- Chris Harrison says: “shocking,” “controversial,” “heartbreak” or “in Bachelor(ette) history.”
- Ashley says: “I can’t do this,” “strong feelings,” or calls one of her big, handsome suitors “cute.” Drink 2: When she fights with her sister. Drink 3: When she calls her sister (or anyone else) a “bitch”!
- A woman cries. Drink 2: A man cries. Drink continually forever: Chris Harrison cries.
- We “take a look back.”
- Anyone says: “fairy tale,” “dream,” “follow my heart,” “happily ever after,” or “…than I ever imagined.”
- Ashley mentions Bentley.
- Ashley talks about how she is completely in love and ready to get engaged. Drink 2: When Ashley questions her feelings or considers walking away.
- There’s a proposal. Drink 2: There’s a rejection of a proposal.
- You see one of the three H’s: Helicopter. Hot tub. Harrison being useless.
When to play: The Bachelorette finale airs tonight from 8 to 10pm on ABC.
Have fun, be safe, and don’t forget to join me back here tonight for the last (DOUBLE!) recap of the finale and After the Final Rose special (10-11pm). Here’s last night’s Men Tell All review to keep you busy in the mean time. Oh, and if you have your own awesome Bachelorette drinks, drinking game rules, or finale viewing party plans that you’d like to share with the class, feel free to email me with details and photos at [email protected] and I will update this post as needed.
(Image courtesy of ABC)