The Amazing Race is back for a thirteenth go-around this Sunday. It replaces the time-slot filled by Big Brother this summer, which means it will air after 60 Minutes’ wrinkled crew of misfits and psychopaths (I’m looking at you, Rooney!). The Amazing Race just picked up its 55th Emmy in a row for Best Reality-Competition Series at Sunday’s Emmy Awards. It’s deserved – The Amazing Race is an incredible undertaking every season, and has consistently been one of the most entertaining reality shows on TV during its run. As we gear up for another season, it’s about time to whip up some highly arbitrary pre-season predictions about the season. As always, know that the below predictions are beyond pointless, though I have known to be excellent at making them.
For full disclosure, I have seen the premiere episode of The Amazing Race 13. However, I made my list before watching the episode.
#11 – Marisa and Brooke
There are two all-female teams on The Amazing Race 13. One of them will do well. One of them will do poorly. So, I’ve picked the blondes to do poorly. It’s not a bad bet, I don’t think. Marisa and Brooke will be nice enough girls – though we won’t get to know them very well – but lacking in travel experience. They are going to get lost on the first leg, start yelling at each other, then they’ll get desperate and freak out, and that will be that. 13 year old boys everywhere will be devastated.
#10 – Anita and Arthur
You have to root for the hippie beekeepers. You just do. However, they are old. And they are hippies, so they won’t be overly concerned with moving all that fast. This is an issue, because they are going on a race. They will make it past one elimination leg, but their sluggish movement will do them in eventually. Silver lining: viewers will once again understand why they used to love hippies.
#9 – Toni and Dallas
Mother-son pairings can be adorable, but Dallas’s hair really pisses me off. He’s got that Jersey-tinged absurdly gelled coiff. He’s a Jager Bomb kind of guy. He describes himself as something of a player, which is exactly how a guy with that kind of hair would describe himself. Besides that, Toni is older, not in very good shape. She will slow the team down, which will in turn frustrate Dallas and cause some team strife.
#8 – Anthony and Stephanie
Anthony and Stephanie are one of those inexplicably volatile couples. They will go along and everything will appear peachy keen, and then one of the two explode on the other, sparks will fly, expletives will fill the air like a dense fog, and then, as if nothing ever happened, the two will be back to normal. This will be confusing for the audience. We will want to like these two, but at times that will be difficult. I foresee a cab driver witnessing a blow-up and, frustrated, dropping them off in the wrong place on purpose.
#7 – Mark and Bill
Who doesn’t like a couple of openly middle-aged nerds? Like the beekeepers, they are adorable, and will have the majority of the viewing audience rooting for them. But, their advanced age and lack of physical prowess will bite them at a particularly brutal challenge. They will try their darnedest, but it will not be enough. They will make delightfully nerdy comments as the more physically able teams pass them by.
-Oscar Dahl, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image Courtesy of CBS)